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Encore: Forty More Signs To Run Away From These Doctors

Updated on April 17, 2018

Can You Run Any Faster...

This is an encore to the first hub I wrote, inspired by an idea created by fellow hub author Kenneth Avery. This hub has suggestive content and may not be suitable for children. Hope you enjoy.

1. During a pelvic exam yells “I can feel the baby’s head” without touching you.

2. Classifies foul language as an infectious disease.

3. Asks if your litter box trained.

4. When you complain about an itchy rash on your stomach the doctor replies “Next time you sleep around, lie on your back”.

5. The crackling in your lungs is from the breakfast cereal digesting.

6. If you ask them “Do you have a computer for documentation?” and they reply “I don’t like to be watched”.

7. Tells you ring around the collar is caused by fungus.

8. Your appointment is during their happy hour.

9. When you tell them your medication is not working, they tell you to try harder.

10. Uses a baby rattle to distract you during a blood draw.

11. Sends a sing-a-gram at work to remind you of your appointment.

12. Asks you which cheek would you like your colonoscopy in.

13. Accuses you of being an intruder.

14. Tells you speaking your mind is a disability.

15. You must ring a door bell to get into the exam room.

16. When you ask them why their hands are sticky and they say “I forgot to wash my hands after delivering a calf".

17. Starts your visit with a campfire and writes your prescription with a rock.

18. Since your cholesterol levels are good, they ask you to feel in their pockets to find a prize.

19. Feels X-rays should only be used on people that are not transparent.

20. If you’re late to your appointment you must be pregnant.

21. Tells you doing Yoga will drop your IQ.

22. Educates you that a staph infection is caused by your boss touching you.

23. Asks you to be their father figure.

24. Wears a tutu to relate to patients.

25. Proud to say that their first patients treated were from the Titanic.

26. Tells you freckles are caused by over exposure to the moonlight.

27. When you ask them why they are looking at their watch and they respond I haven’t had my daily seizure yet.

28. During a breast exam asks you " So when are you getting implants?"

29. Uses their pen as a tongue depressor.

30. When you tell them you occasionally drink they say a keg will rehydrate you.

31. Believes tampons are government probing devices.

32. When you say you have stopped menstruating and they ask “Why?”

33. Does pat downs if you haven’t paid your bill.

34. Their jewelry gets caught in your mouth.

35. Claims snapping cures arthritis in the fingers.

36. Tells you Elvis isn’t dead, in fact he’s treating you right now.

37. When you tell them you have a broken heart and they say they can fix it with a cast.

38. When you request a flu shot and they respond “Which bar makes those?”

39. Thinks Salmonella is a pasta dish.

40. Doctors office is located in a wine cellar.


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    • carrie Lee Night profile imageAUTHOR

      Carrie Lee Night 

      2 months ago from Northeast United States

      Thank you Dora for your kind comments ! :) Have not created any new hubs in a while since my laptop broke :) Happy it made you giggle :) Have a wonderful week :)

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Weithers 

      2 months ago from The Caribbean

      Really funny! Good for a laugh five years after your wrote them. Thanks!

    • carrie Lee Night profile imageAUTHOR

      Carrie Lee Night 

      5 years ago from Northeast United States

      Billybuc: Thank you so much for your kind comments :) Really happy to make you lose it a little :) Don't worry if you crack a rib I can fix it with Super Glue :)

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      I can't pick the best. They are all hilarious. You are a person I would love to meet and talk with for an hour. I'm sure I'd crack a rib laughing.

    • carrie Lee Night profile imageAUTHOR

      Carrie Lee Night 

      5 years ago from Northeast United States

      Catherine: Happy to crack a grin :). Glad you enjoyed it.

    • CatherineGiordano profile image

      Catherine Giordano 

      5 years ago from Orlando Florida

      You made me laugh.

    • carrie Lee Night profile imageAUTHOR

      Carrie Lee Night 

      5 years ago from Northeast United States

      Flourish anyway: Thank you for your comment :). Happy you enjoyed it :)

    • carrie Lee Night profile imageAUTHOR

      Carrie Lee Night 

      5 years ago from Northeast United States

      Jodah: Thank you so much for your kind comments :). Happy you liked the staph one:). Have a great day :)

    • carrie Lee Night profile imageAUTHOR

      Carrie Lee Night 

      5 years ago from Northeast United States

      Aniket: Thank you for your kind comments :). Happy you liked the Elvis one :)

    • carrie Lee Night profile imageAUTHOR

      Carrie Lee Night 

      5 years ago from Northeast United States

      Frank : Thank you for checking in on my goofiness :). Glad you liked the wine cellar one :). I'm grateful to have you as a follower as I am with all the readers :) Have a great day :)

    • FlourishAnyway profile image


      5 years ago from USA

      Number 18 was my favorite. OMG.

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 

      5 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Haha these are funny carrie. I especially like 22..."staph infection caused by your boss touching you"...I love a good laugh. Voted up. p.s. I can see the Kenneth Avery inspiration here.

    • Aniket Lawand profile image

      Aniket Lawand 

      5 years ago from Pune, India

      36 is really good one. Good stuff. :) I liked it. Keep writing.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 

      5 years ago from Shelton

      number 40 floored the hell out of me.. yeah LOL the wine cellar office.. althought most of these were really good 40 still stands out :)


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