Encore: Forty More Signs To Run Away From These Doctors

This is an encore to the first hub I wrote, inspired by an idea created by fellow hub author Kenneth Avery. This hub has suggestive content and may not be suitable for children. Hope you enjoy.

1. During a pelvic exam yells “I can feel the baby’s head” without touching you.

2. Classifies foul language as an infectious disease.

3. Asks if your litter box trained.

4. When you complain about an itchy rash on your stomach the doctor replies “Next time you sleep around, lie on your back”.

5. The crackling in your lungs is from the breakfast cereal digesting.

6. If you ask them “Do you have a computer for documentation?” and they reply “I don’t like to be watched”.

7. Tells you ring around the collar is caused by fungus.

8. Your appointment is during their happy hour.

9. When you tell them your medication is not working, they tell you to try harder.

10. Uses a baby rattle to distract you during a blood draw.

11. Sends a sing-a-gram at work to remind you of your appointment.

12. Asks you which cheek would you like your colonoscopy in.

13. Accuses you of being an intruder.

14. Tells you speaking your mind is a disability.

15. You must ring a door bell to get into the exam room.

16. When you ask them why their hands are sticky and they say “I forgot to wash my hands after delivering a calf".

17. Starts your visit with a campfire and writes your prescription with a rock.

18. Since your cholesterol levels are good, they ask you to feel in their pockets to find a prize.

19. Feels X-rays should only be used on people that are not transparent.

20. If you’re late to your appointment you must be pregnant.

21. Tells you doing Yoga will drop your IQ.

22. Educates you that a staph infection is caused by your boss touching you.

23. Asks you to be their father figure.

24. Wears a tutu to relate to patients.

25. Proud to say that their first patients treated were from the Titanic.

26. Tells you freckles are caused by over exposure to the moonlight.

27. When you ask them why they are looking at their watch and they respond I haven’t had my daily seizure yet.

28. During a breast exam asks you " So when are you getting implants?"

29. Uses their pen as a tongue depressor.

30. When you tell them you occasionally drink they say a keg will rehydrate you.

31. Believes tampons are government probing devices.

32. When you say you have stopped menstruating and they ask “Why?”

33. Does pat downs if you haven’t paid your bill.

34. Their jewelry gets caught in your mouth.

35. Claims snapping cures arthritis in the fingers.

36. Tells you Elvis isn’t dead, in fact he’s treating you right now.

37. When you tell them you have a broken heart and they say they can fix it with a cast.

38. When you request a flu shot and they respond “Which bar makes those?”

39. Thinks Salmonella is a pasta dish.

40. Doctors office is located in a wine cellar.