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Eyes of Forgotten Innocence: Derided

Updated on June 22, 2010

Derided

I was hoping, that with all the studying I did in order to learn of the different poetry styles, that I could find a new form which was unique to me.

I thought of all the different ways rhyming was done--from strict to loose, from metered to free--in order to develop something of my own.

I was banging my head against the wall as I was finding nothing new to contribute to the world of poetry.

Suddenly, I thought of the following rhyming convention: Rhyme the first word instead of the last. It's difficult, but it can be done. Contractions, deviations on pronunciations, and a careful construction of the sentences makes it possible.

I think it is unique. If not, please let me know if you know what the style is called. I'm calling it Initiatory Rhyme Form.

The poem, itself, is a condemnation of those that harm children, even though they feel no harm is being done. Strange how they always say they aren't harming the child by taking their innocence.

So here is the poem:

Deny the child his right to peace.

Elide their hope to darkness.

Reply to their cry with silence.

Imply they should help themselves.

Defy the God who sees all matters.

Espy their sorrow with indifference.

Decry their protests as rebellion.

--

Remember to be brave enough to ask the difficult questions if you think a child may be being abused. You could be the one that saves them.

Derided

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    • RGNestle profile image
      Author

      RGNestle 7 years ago from Seattle

      The line you are curious about simply refers to the idea of an adult being in the position of protection (as God intended) but using it to do harm instead.

      The word across the young woman's face represents the way so many abusers see their victims--so often as the ones doing the seducing. The poem is about the attitudes of the abusers and thusly the picture alluding to the way so many of them feel.

      I do hope the abrupt endings brought across the "unsettling" feeling that was intended.

      Thank you for your comments!

    • profile image

      Ellen Ripley 7 years ago

      I do agree with Slainia about preferring a more liquid voice and not stopping so abruptly, especially when trying to make a point. Again, just a personal opinion. Keep writing, cant wait until the next one.

    • profile image

      Ellen Ripley 7 years ago

      Also, I used to work with special needs children and kids who were abused, I dont think the photo (or illustration) of the childs eyes and the word "Whore" is appropriate. Its just me. Unless you are trying to shock us into paying attention to your poetry, which I totally understand RG. That being said, I appreciate your creativity Red Feather. Take care.

    • profile image

      Ellen Ripley 7 years ago

      Just curious about the fifth sentence "Defy the God..."

    • Darlene Sabella profile image

      Darlene Sabella 7 years ago from Hello, my name is Toast and Jam, I live in the forest with my dog named Sam ...

      This is also my quest, I am learning how to protest, I enjoy your poem with a feeling of pain, for what was taken will never be the same. Fight for the children in our world,it is up to each as we observe, and don't deny this isn't here!

    • RGNestle profile image
      Author

      RGNestle 7 years ago from Seattle

      Thank you both for your input. I sure hope my form is new as I think it may be.

      The periods in this piece are used to create mood here as well as to clearly separate the individual ideas. Not a necessity for the type of poem, but useful here. The reader should feel disconcerted so they can feel a little of what the children of the poem are supposedly feeling.

      Again, thanks for your insights!

    • Slainia profile image

      Slainia 7 years ago from Goderich Ontario

      I like this. I don't know anything about rhyming, so I can't comment on that, however I am wondering if using commas, or cutting the .'s used, would change the voice a bit? As it is, the poem's message is strong, and simple - I l like that. But, at the same time, the part of me that likes a more liquid voice found the abrupt stops disconcerting. Anyway, this parts simply a personal opinion. Definitely worth reading.

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 7 years ago

      profound, moving and thought provoking - your writing could start a revolution - a revolution in the mind where all great writers go and meet .....

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