You May Forgive But Can You Forget?
- To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you. - Lewis B. Smedes
- I can forgive, but I cannot forget, is only another way of saying, I will not forgive. Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note - torn in two, and burned up, so that it never can be shown against one. - Henry Ward Beech
- Forgiveness does not always lead to a healed relationship. Some people are not capable of love, and it might be wise to let them go along with your anger. Wish them well, and let them go on their way. - Anonymous
- Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much. - Oscar Wilde
- You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well. - Lewis B. Smedes
- Forgiveness is the healing of wounds caused by another. You choose to let go of a past wrong and no longer be hurt by it. Forgiveness is a strong move to make, like turning your shoulders sideways to walk quickly on a crowded sidewalk. It's your move. - Anonymous
- And if your friend does evil to you, say to him, "I forgive you for what you did to me, but how can I forgive you for what you did to yourself?" - Friedrich Nietzsche
- Forgiving is not having to understand. Understanding may come later, in fragments, an insight here and a glimpse there, after forgiving. - Lewis B. Smedes
- Forgiveness is better than revenge, for forgiveness is the sign of a gentle nature, but revenge is the sign of a savage nature. - Epictetus
- A heart filled with anger has no room for love. - Unknown Author
- The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. - Mahatma Gandhi
- It really doesn't matter if the person who hurt you deserves to be forgiven. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. You have things to do and you want to move on. - Anonymous
- I've learned that no matter how good a friend someone is, they're going to hurt you every once in awhile and you must forgive them for that. - Unknown Author
- You can forgive someone almost anything. But you cannot tolerate everything...We don't have to tolerate what people do just because we forgive them for doing it. Forgiving heals us personally. To tolerate everything only hurts us all in the long run. - Lewis B. Smedes
- To forgive is the higest, most beautiful form of love. In return you will receive untold peace and happiness. - Robert Muller
- Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting. - William Arthur Ward
- If you haven't forgiven yourself something, how can you forgive others? - Dolores Huerta
- Most of us can forgive and forget; we just don't want the other person to forget we forgave. - Ivern Ball
- Gandhi was right: if we all live by 'an eye for an eye' the whole world would be blind. The only way out is forgiveness. - Lewis B. Smedes
- It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend. - William Blake
- Forgiveness is almost a selfish act because of its immense benefits to the one who forgives. - Lawana Blackwell
- Strength of character means the ability to overcome resentment against others, to hide hurt fellings, and to forgive quickly. - Unknown Author
- He who cannot forgive breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass. - George Herbert
- Forgiveness is an affair strictly between a victim and a victimizer. Everyone else should sep aside...The worst wounds I ever felt were the ones people gave to my children. Wrong my kids, you wrong me. And my hurt qualifies me to forgive you. But only for the pain you caused me when you wounded them. My children alone are qualified to forgive you for what you did to them. - Lewis B. Smedes
- We may not know how to forgive, and we may not want to forgive; but the very fact we say we are willing to forgive begins the healing practice. - Louise Hay
- Forgiving does not usually happen at once. It is a process, sometimes a long one, especially when it comes to wounds gouged deep. And we must expect lapses...some people seem to manage to finish off forgiving in one swoop of the heart. But when they do, you can bet they are forgiving flesh wounds. Deeper cuts take more time and can use a second coat. - Lewisw B. Smedes
- Forgiveness means letting go of the past. - Gerald Jampolsky
- Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future. - Lewis B. Smedes
- Let us forgive each other - only then will we live in peace. - Leo Tolstoy
- Without forgiveness life is governed by...an endless cycle of resentment and retaliation. - Roberto Assagioli
- There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love. - Bryant H. McGill
- One thing you will probably remember well is any time you forgive and forget. - Franklin P. Jones
- There's no point in burying a hatchet if you're going to put up a marker on the site. - Sydney Harris
- To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it. - Confucius
Steps to Forgiveness
There are many ways to bring yourself to forgive some more effective than others. Each person has their own way of rationalizing and reasoning. What works for one may not work for you. Try the way that seems to make the most sense to you and if it does not work, move on to another way. The important thing is to forgive.
- Realize that the dislike or hate that you feel toward the one who hurt you does not harm them in the least.
- Remind yourself that the best revenge against your enemy is to live a successful and happy life.
- Think of the incident as a positive. Think of it as a learning experience and realize that it has helped you to grow.
- Make a list of all of the good things that have come about because of the experience. Look on the positive side.
- Look for support among your friends and family. Learn how someone you admire would handle the situation.
- Look at the bigger picture. What good has come out of it?
- Be patient and kind to yourself. Be compassionate to yourself.
- Learn that to forgive means to let go.
- Learn how to balance trust and wisdom. Learn from you mistake and still be able to trust.
- Stop telling and retelling the incident.
- Think about what happened from the other person perspective.
- Change your thinking. Whenever you find yourself thinking about the incident send a good wish to the person in your mind. The evil that you wish for others oftentimes comes back to haunt you.
- Maintain perspective. While you may be hurting, the rest of the world goes on the same. It really isn't the end of the world.
- Put your best mental energies into visualizing the new life you want.
- See yourself free of pain and suffering.
- Follow the Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
- Those who are hardest to love, need it the most.
- Think of how others have given forgiveness under the worst conditions.
- Forgiveness is a choice.
- Forgiveness is hard, but living with hated is harder.
- Holding forgiveness inside of you can lead to depression, rage, and dispair.
- You will live through it. Nobody dies from hurt feelings.
- Visualize yourself living the successful, happy life you want.
- Forgive the person in your heart.
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© 2011 Susan Hazelton