ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Forgiveness: A Process for Healing

Updated on October 25, 2016
Forgiveness can lighten our lives through a feeling of peace.
Forgiveness can lighten our lives through a feeling of peace.
Forgiveness leaves you with a feeling of peace and better health.
Forgiveness leaves you with a feeling of peace and better health.

In life, some things don't always come easy, and forgiveness is often one of those things. When someone hurts you, especially someone close to you, it can be difficult to forgive them. Often we become angry when others hurt us, and that anger can build into resentment. Like a wound left untreated, the anger and resentment worsen and infect our whole being. Before we let anger infect and affect us, we need to learn to forgive.

What is forgiveness?

Simply put, forgiveness means to stop being angry with someone who has hurt you; to pardon someone. Forgiveness means letting go of the feelings of resentment and thoughts of revenge. Forgiveness means not holding a grudge. Forgiveness does NOT mean forgetting or condoning what a person did to hurt you.

Why should we forgive?

Many studies have been done on forgiveness and why it is important. Generally, studies indicate people who forgive have lower blood pressure and reduced stress levels. Also, people who forgive show fewer symptoms of anxiety and depression and reduced chronic pain. Overall, people who forgive experience better health, both physically and emotionally. They also experience a more positive spiritual well-being. Basically, people who learn to forgive others are happier than if they had not forgiven.

How do you forgive another person?

Forgiveness is a process that occurs over time. It may be easier to forgive someone who is sorry for causing you hurt, but people don't always offer apologies. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive others who are not sorry for the hurt they caused you, and forgiving under these circumstances can be extremely difficult. Yet, in order to find true peace and happiness, you must learn to forgive, even the people who've hurt you the most.

We find peace when we forgive.
We find peace when we forgive.

Books on forgiveness

Giving a gift to you:

Helpful video on forgiveness:

The Process of forgiveness.

To heal from hurt, one must begin to forgive. The process of forgiveness starts at acknowledging anger and moves toward feeling a state of peace.This process may happen quickly, or it may take years, depending on the nature of the relationship and how the person hurt you. In any event, it's in your best interest to start the process of forgiveness.

  • Identify your feelings. First acknowledge your anger and/or feelings of resentment. It's normal to get angry when someone hurts you, especially if that person is close to you. But to hold on to the angry feelings over time helps no one; it just makes the situation worse and the relationship more strained. If you are holding a grudge against the person who has hurt you, recognize that you are indeed holding a grudge and that by holding on to those feelings, you are making yourself feel bad. It may help to write a letter to yourself about how you feel; sometimes feelings are easier to identify if you write them down.
  • Reflect on the facts. Sometimes when we hang on to anger and it turns into resentment, we lose track of the situation and what actually happened. Over time in our minds we make the act which needs to be forgiven worse than it actually was. This in turn causes our feelings of hurt to deepen. Take a hard, long objective look at the situation and re-evaluate your response. Does the action that caused you hurt merit so much of your time and energy?
  • Move toward realization. Realize that when you spend so much time feeling hurt, you are playing a victim role. When you fail to forgive, you are becoming a slave to your anger and resentment and losing your ability to be at peace. Life is far too short to waste time feeling angry about something that happened in the past. That does not mean you should forget the past and what happened; instead ackowledge your feelings about what happened and try to learn from the situation. Put aside grudges, and focus on other positive aspects of your life. Take charge of you and how you react to the situation that caused you pain.

Forgiveness can be difficult, but it is necessary if one is to find peace. We cannot control the actions of others, but we can control how we react. The best gift you can give yourself is giving yourself permission to forgive even when you have been hurt deeply.


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)