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Gagorrific Literature

Updated on November 5, 2010

OMG, I could not believe it when I saw the book Romeo & Juliet & Vampires at Wal-Mart! Just another mutilation of a perfectly good classic. A while ago I was at Wal-Mart and they had Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters. I could have strangled the person who wrote these words that were on the back of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies:
"It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains." So begins Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, an expanded edition of the beloved Jane Austen novel featuring all-new scenes of bone-crunching zombie mayhem. As our story opens, a mysterious plague has fallen upon the quiet English village of Meryton and the dead are returning to life! Feisty heroine Elizabeth Bennet is determined to wipe out the zombie menace, but she's soon distracted by the arrival of the haughty and arrogant Mr. Darcy. What ensues is a delightful comedy of manners with plenty of civilized sparring between the two young lovers and even more violent sparring on the blood-soaked battlefield as Elizabeth wages war against hordes of flesh-eating undead. Can she vanquish the spawn of Satan? And overcome the social prejudices of the class-conscious landed gentry? Complete with romance, heartbreak, swordfights, cannibalism, and thousands of rotting corpses, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies transforms a masterpiece of world literature into something you'd actually want to read.

That this book transforms a masterpiece of world literature into something you'd actually want to read?!?! That person has some gall! I can't come up with enough words, or the right word, to describe the idiocy, the stupidity, ignorance! Then there's Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters, which is another mutilation of a Jane Austen book. I was especially upset that Colonel Brandon was turned into a monster, he's one of my favorite characters in the book. And now there's Romeo & Juliet & Vampires, they're mutilating the works of Shakespeare now.  I guess some people are just stupid idiots who don't know a really good classic when they see it and have to mutilate it.  Is anyone else as appalled by these things as I am?  And what the hell is up with this sick obsession with the undead? 


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