Let's Put an End to Zombie Prejudice

We've all heard about it: the zombie apocalypse. I've seen a number of articles, books, and even hubs about it on this very site. There are so many ridiculous ramblings about how you can fight the zombies, how the zombies are coming to get you, and how you can stay safe during the zombie apocalypse. Well, I want you to know this is all crazy.

Zombies are actually lovely people. Yes, I said it. Some of you do not have the nerve to admit you have a problem, but you do. You sit there judging the zombies and spreading vicious rumors about them. Have any of you taken the time to get to know the zombies? I daresay you have not!

Sure, sure, maybe you have been nice enough not to run any of them over with your car. Perhaps you've even waved at your zombie neighbor when they are in the driveway eating an arm or two off a corpse, but that is as far as it goes. I'll bet you would not allow one in your home. You certainly would not let your son or daughter date a zombie. Well, looks like you are not so open-minded after all. My friend, zombie prejudice is real and running rampant. Let's put an end to zombie prejudice.

Have you noticed cats and dogs (the occasional person) missing from your neighborhood? Has a new family moved in and they keep to themselves? Perhaps you see one of them slowly staggering down the driveway to get the mail. Maybe an arm or an ear falls off along the way. Well, looks like you've got a zombie family in the neighborhood!

You will certainly find some neighbors are going to be less than pleasant with the new folks. You may hear them use terrible terms like, "killer" or "walking dead." How unfriendly is that? You can show you are different by giving them a gift. For instance, what zombie wouldn't appreciate a nice package of ground beef thrown on their doorstep? You can even wrap it in a bow! What makes this the perfect gift is the more ground beef you give, the less likely any of your neighbors will turn up missing.

When you walk past one of your new zombie friends, make sure to smile and nod as you walk by. If the zombie starts to reach for you, just give them a friendly wave and walk briskly. Zombies typically cannot run very fast, although I suppose that is a zombie stereotype and I should not mention any stereotypes. Wow! See, we all have so much to learn about ending zombie prejudice!

I don't just sit here on my high horse and lecture against zombie prejudice. Oh no, I practice what I preach. I've dated zombies in the past and I am not ashamed to admit it. Of course, I did not realize I was dating a zombie at the time, but now that I look back, all the signs are there.

I've often found myself hanging out with guys in dark basements (usually owned by their parents). In many cases, what I thought was just body odor must have been the stench of rotting flesh. After all, these guys that live in their parents' basement often don't want to go outdoors and they move quite slowly if you force them off the couch. Yes, all the signs were there! I have dated zombies... maybe that was what happened to the neighbor's poodle. Hmmm.

I hope this has been an educational moment for you. After all, I am here to help. Let us all do what we can to end the terrible prejudice that has plagued zombies for years. If we can do that, I am sure that zombie apocalypse we've all heard so much about will never happen.

You see, zombies are people just like any of us. Sure, they are not really alive and they like to eat brains, but we can't hold that against them. They have a terrible zombie disease coursing through their veins. Don't they deserve to live out their last days in peace?

Copyright ©2011 Jeannieinabottle