ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

HEAVEN KNOWS - A Short Story (Fast Food & Less)

Updated on November 3, 2014
If you can't think too much about sex, how about thinking about food instead?
If you can't think too much about sex, how about thinking about food instead? | Source

Heaven cafeteria style....


It turns out that Heaven is less attractive than some people expected when they first arrived.

I think it has a lot to do with food, and what foods are available here.

When people arrive here, especially those from Earth, they come with as many expectations as the Bible lists for them to get here. Lots of those expectations were such ideas as:

"The food will be heavenly."

"All my favorites will be readily available., any time, day, night, or whatever."" (We haven't quite become familiar with whatever that "whatever" can be, perhaps twilight?)

"Lots of time for BBQ at the mansion, for sure!"

"I know my Mom and Grandmother will have made it, and boy can they cook!"

"We might have to have fish every Friday, but that'll be okay."

Well that first expectation is literally true. Here the food is Heavenly, but that takes some explaining.

You see, here in Heaven we live eternally, and everything is geared to that eternal perspective with eternal consequences, even for the consumption of foods.

Foods and foods prepared in such a way that they are dangerous, i.e. hazardous to your health, are not to be consumed. Frankly we can't have doctors who are here going around performing miracles all the time, just because someone sinfully indulges in the bad habits of Earth.

That means that carcinogens and mutagens are forbidden. (Oh, yes, we have rules here, too.)

So, Red Dye #4 is forbidden. Though not exactly a food, tobacco in all its forms is forbidden (which means detox sessions for those who arrive with that and similar addictions.)

The fried hamburgers are out because of the mutagens which can turn into carcinogens; and while Earth sources touted the virtues of wine and dark chocolate, here consumption of such food items is limited to that amount which is demonstrably good, and the line is drawn where an adverse influence on health has been determined to exist. Food items are much less sugary here, too, and stevia is the preferred sweetener, probably because the Sugar Lobby has much less influence at this level of existence.

Mothers and Grandmothers are quite often the wonderful cooks that their family members remember, but not all want to "slave away" in a hot kitchen when there are so many more enjoyable activities available, including teaching the rest of the family to do their own cooking and dishes.

Fish is not compulsory, but is limited to "Fry-days" partly because there are so few fishermen to meet the needs of the Heavenly host; perhaps that might be because so many of Earth's fishermen were known to occasionally take the Lord's name in vain, and to tell terrible lies in their "fish stories" about such things as "the big one that got away". That coupled with the number of those fishermen who said their observance of the Sabbath was best done where they could enjoy religion "hook, line, and sinker!"

Yes, Heavenly food does take some adjustments, pork for example.

The food restrictions are made up for by golf, and by all debts being forgiven, so that betting here, and what on Earth could have been an addiction to gambling, is overcome by treating everyone's prayers equally. The result is that there are no "winners and losers," only the very few who prevailed with enough good fortune to arrive at this destination.

"Football?" Well I think that by now you can probably answer that question for yourself.


(c) 2012 Demas W. Jasper All rights reserved.

Note: This is just one in the series of "Heaven Knows" short stories you can enjoy here on HubPages, here is a link to another one of them:


Finding links here on Earth to Heavenly food and drink.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Perspycacious profile imageAUTHOR

      Demas W Jasper 

      2 years ago from Today's America and The World Beyond

      Thanks to today's 24 or so readers of this one. If you enjoyed it, I hope you enjoy the rest of the series.

    • Perspycacious profile imageAUTHOR

      Demas W Jasper 

      4 years ago from Today's America and The World Beyond

      My reply didn't post. Darn! Sugar's empty calories + the calories which come with nutritious foods = stored fat; that's because sugar's calories were quick in meeting our caloric needs, but we still craved the nutrition, so we still ate and stored. In my original comment I put a period inside a parenthesis and wondered about its placement there. I passed your Hub on to my two college freshmen for their info. Thanks.

    • RachaelOhalloran profile image

      Rachael O'Halloran 

      4 years ago from United States

      I'm combing through the last of your "Heaven Knows" series and you have given me a chuckle with this one. I never gave a thought to food being in Heaven. Maybe other comforts, but not food. When you mentioned stevia, that made me laugh. Forgive my words here, but I'd die in Heaven without sugar. Real sugar. I can't stand any of the substitutes. If it doesn't say "real sugar" on the label, I don't use it. So I don't know where I'll end up unless I go sugar free before I get to Heaven, which is a possibility. It's a big stretch, but a possibility nevertheless. lol I'm glad to follow you. I'm looking forward to reading more.

    • Perspycacious profile imageAUTHOR

      Demas W Jasper 

      4 years ago from Today's America and The World Beyond

      Shyron E Shenko: My guess? No migraines in Heaven.

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 

      4 years ago from Texas

      This is a very interesting concept. I really enjoyed reading this.

      I just wonder if chocolate will still trigger a migraine?

      Voted up AI and shared.

    • Perspycacious profile imageAUTHOR

      Demas W Jasper 

      6 years ago from Today's America and The World Beyond

      Thenks to the 9 of you who have commented so far! A little humor seems to stretch from here to Heaven! I'm so glad I could entertain and get you thinking, along with the others who have stopped by. Thanks one and all.

    • April Reynolds profile image

      April Reynolds 

      6 years ago from Arizona

      I enjoyed this Mr. P! Very clever and funny:)

    • AliciaC profile image

      Linda Crampton 

      6 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      This is another clever and amusing story about Heaven, Perspycacious! I enjoyed reading it.

    • picklesandrufus profile image

      picklesandrufus 

      6 years ago from Virginia Beach, Va

      very enjoyable! Hadn't thought about food in Heaven before this hub!

    • knottlena profile image

      knottlena 

      6 years ago from Connecticut

      I hope I don't have to detox there. I would much rather do that here on Earth and enter Heaven to enjoy all its glory without minor detentions :) Thank you for sharing. Awesomely written!

    • annart profile image

      Ann Carr 

      6 years ago from SW England

      Clever angle, humorously done. Sounds like great fun there - I hope! Voted up

    • KDee411 profile image

      KDee411 

      6 years ago from Bay Area, California

      Hummm you sure about the chocolate? I just thought for sure that tree leaves were made of chocolate. You didn't know my son. He's there so there's got to be chocolate cake.

      Your Hub is cute.

      Kay

    • Deborah Brooks profile image

      Deborah Brooks Langford 

      6 years ago from Brownsville,TX

      Love this.. I am smiling... I always wondered about if we would even eat in heaven? LOL

      Great HUB

      I voted up and awesome

      Debbie

    • AudreyHowitt profile image

      Audrey Howitt 

      6 years ago from California

      I must say that I hate Stevia--and I love salt--so I am not sure where that leaves me! Entertaining hub!

    • kschimmel profile image

      Kimberly Schimmel 

      6 years ago from North Carolina, USA

      Clever!

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)