- Books, Literature, and Writing»
- Commercial & Creative Writing»
- Creative Writing»
- Humor Writing
Invasion of the Cow Patties: Manure Attack!
A Comparison and Contrast Essay
Yes, a hub about crap..
Okay, you're probably thinking; "Why in the heck is she writing about manure?" Maybe I'm off-base here, but I'm knee deep in doo-doo. Now that the livestock population has increased to include15 bovines(cows) and only1 equine (horse) the place is over-run with crap. I can handle the horse hockie, but not the cow patties. And I'm gonna tell you why. If you find this offensive, go read a hub about roses. I'm writing about doo-doo.
Just to show you some comparisons, look at the above photo
Cow dung and horse manure laid down right next to each other in my pasture. Which is the most offensive? Just look at it! I want to share with you why I hate cow patties, but tolerate and have a use for horse hockie. Remember, if you find this offensive, go read another hub.
Two solidified cow patties right next to each other, solid like a rock.
This is why I hate cow manure......
Just look at the disgusting rocks. Now let me tell you, these babies don't just go away with time. No siree! Cow crap stays where it lays, becoming rock hard over time. I've found petrified cow patties in my barn that have been there for years. I'm not kidding. It's totally useless to me....absolutely useless! I consider it radio-active. It spoils my barn, I have to lime everything to get the smell out.I hate cow patties with a passion, almost as much as I hate the cows who deposit them.
Now don't shame me for hating cows. I have good reasons for my feelings and I refuse to feel guilty about it. These cows came onto my place here and took over, running my horse and mule out of their domain. Then I had to sell the mule (hinny) because of those wretched bovines! I realize cows supply me with food and clothing. I eat beef, but that's all they're good for: meat and a new purse. Or a football. I do like the babies, they're cute, but the little rascals pee all over themselves, just like a male goat!
An example of horse manure deposited at different times in 3 stages of decomposition.
Another excellent example of scattered horse manure.
The good thing about horses and their manure...
Isn't this more pleasing to the eye? And it shows marked intelligence in the horse. See how many piles are together? My horse, Sport, deposits his manure in certain locations so he doesn't soil the grass, unlike other occupants of the pasture who poop all over their hay and don't give a crap. This is also a good example for explaining how decomposition works so well with horse manure. Look closely at the three piles. The glob of dookie on the far left is the freshest pile. Note the structure of the ovals, solid, well rounded. Now the second pile toward the front is probably a day or two older. Notice how the balls of manure are beginning to deteriorate and break down?
Ah! Again, nature takes it's course! Little birdies, cow birds and chickens attack horse manure like a rat on a cheetoh, picking out any kernels of undigested oats. In doing so, they claw and scratch their way through the doo-doo, thus helping break it down into matter similar to composted pete moss.
See the final effect on the far right? She how it's scattered and broken down into fertilizer? You can pick it up with your hands! You can also use it to start a fire, it's dry as a bone and works good when ignited properly.
Look at the above photo ..
See how well the horse manure breaks down? Just like store bought. Or nearly. We used tons of horsey doo-doo on our garden last year. We had the biggest and best plants ever! I'm telling you, it works. You can't trip over it, either! I can be walking in the pasture and actually fall over an old cow pattie. Stubbed my toe on it too. If you don't watch out, in the spring, when the grass is new and green, the cows gorge themselves. To top it off, when they poop, it literally shoots out their hind end ! The result? Fresh, watery, slicky, slimy cow pattie...if you're running and don't see it...step on it...whoosh! You're air-born when your feet slip out from under you. Imagine jogging at full speed across the pasture, step on a fresh green pattie then the next thing you know you're on your back in middle of the green slime with the breath knocked out of you! Lo and behold, the flight of the pattie.
The epitome of disgust....
See? Cow dung even looks repulsive!
Look at this fresh pile →. It has no character, no nicely rounded balls of solid digested grass. Just a brown blob of mud pie dotting the pasture like fire ant mounds. Everywhere! I realize my resentment towards bovine fecal matter is bleeding through here. It all goes back to my resentment of the cows. That's when the problem began; when those smelly, bony creatures invaded my place and over-inhabited the domain running out my horses! Then they started reproducing.
Not to mention my round pen corral. Oh, I didn't mention it? My round pen panels which I purchased with my own money are being used to hold cows. I no longer have a nice little family corral for kids to pile on my horse 3 at a time for horsey rides anymore. It's been confiscated for the appalling cows!
Dotted Dung Day
So what's the point?
I'm sick of the crap, that's what! If you think the word 'crap' is bad, I'm sorry you're offended. I'll be proper and say I'm sick of the bovine excrement. Period. I would welcome suggestions on the proper use of cow manure. I know nothing about processing it other than to chunk it across the fence or throw at unsuspecting 2-legged humanoids creeping around here trashing and contributing to the bovine population.
If you'd like to donate to this hub, please leave a comment below. I'm curious to know just how the mess is recycled..yeah, yeah, I know. I should know this already, I live on a mini-farm. But I'm an equine gal, not a bovine broad. You decide.