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How Men Entertain Themselves in a Grocery Store!

Updated on August 5, 2017
BJC profile image

BJC, the author of Fuinneamh under the name Rowell French Whitehead. She teaches middle school & has degrees from the University of West FL.

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This was sent to me by a friend of mine. If you have seen it before, sorry. No, I did not write this so I'm not claiming it as my work - it is however, meant to be amusing.

Some ways of how men entertain themselves in a grocery store in England

This is what happens when a woman takes an unwilling male to the store with her.

This letter was actually sent by the company's Head Office to a customer in :

Dear Mrs. Smith,

We would like to thank you for your loyalty and value you as customer, the manager of our store in Ipswich is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics.

Below is a list of his actions over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras:

1. May 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking.

2. June 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. June 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle.

4. June 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.

5. July 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. August 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calorgas stove.

7. August 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

8.. September 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

9. September 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle, he asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were.

10. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the Mission Impossible' theme.

11.October 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practiced the 'Madonna look' using different size funnels.

12. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled' PICK ME!' 'PICK ME!'

13. October 21: When an announcement came over the loudspeaker, assumed the fetal position and screamed 'NO! NO! It's those voices again.

And; last, but not least:

14. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, 'There is no toilet paper in here.

This is courtesy of my good friend Kaff - thanks , you're the girl~


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    • BJC profile image

      BJC 5 years ago from Florida

      Well thank you twines for your comment.

    • profile image

      twines 5 years ago

      "yelled" is used very rarely in the UK

    • BJC profile image

      BJC 5 years ago from Florida

      Alocsin, just hope you're by yourself :) Have fun and keep us posted.

    • alocsin profile image

      alocsin 5 years ago from Orange County, CA

      What great ideas. I'll try them out on my next trip to the store ;)

      Voting this Up and Funny.

    • freecampingaussie profile image

      freecampingaussie 6 years ago from Southern Spain

      This is hilarious ! I can't wait to read it to my husband . Thanks for sharing ! I found it on the side of my hub about bad shoppers !

    • moiragallaga profile image

      Moira Garcia Gallaga 6 years ago from Lisbon, Portugal

      This is pretty funny. Thanks for sharing this. When it is based on actual events, it is even more hilarious.

    • Tamarii2 profile image

      Tamarii2 6 years ago from NEW YORK

      Enjoyed this,thanks for sharing it.Thanks for following.

    • profile image

      tyuiwdfguweud 8 years ago

      <p class="wp-caption-text">

      Gray ugg cardyclassic boots

    • BJC profile image

      BJC 8 years ago from Florida

      Thanks!! yes, life needs some humor every now and then.

    • profile image

      Duchess OBlunt 8 years ago

      Enjoyed this humorous interlude. Thanks

    • BJC profile image

      BJC 8 years ago from Florida

      Thanks fightkeeper. BTW, like the name!!

    • Flightkeeper profile image

      Flightkeeper 8 years ago from The East Coast

      This is really good! Glad you put it up BJC.

    • BJC profile image

      BJC 8 years ago from Florida

      Now, that is funny. atomswifey....:>

    • atomswifey profile image

      atomswifey 8 years ago from Michigan

      I laughed so hard at this I shot milk from my nose! :)

    • BJC profile image

      BJC 8 years ago from Florida

      I hear ya. The most bizzare things are the truth!!


    • fastfreta profile image

      Alfreta Sailor 8 years ago from Southern California

      That was sooo funny. I can believe most of that happened. Keep 'em coming!

    • Smireles profile image

      Sandra Mireles 8 years ago from Texas

      Great hub. I do not know whether to laugh or ....well, it is hard to imagine a grown man doing all these things! Enjoyed the read!