How to Know If They Are Right For You...

It seems with divorce rates at an all time high. The number of people married several times is also increasing. According to a recent study... those married three to four times, are up to 30% more likely to suffer heart disease and other stress related illness than those married once, and especially long term. Many young people start out on a life-long pattern of impulsive pairing that usually ends in disaster.

Quite often in this increasingly superficial, materialistic world; we rely on the wrong factors to determine our mates. Having been through more than a few failed relationships; in retrospect, there were signs of trouble early on. Most of us ignore those signs.

Certain things seem to outweigh their "bad-points" for us, and we march blindly ahead. Things like: Their physical attractiveness

their finances

our loneliness

rebounding from a break-up too soon

a desire for intimacy

an unhealthy self esteem

If we all followed better judgement (easier said than done), we might see the signs that would clue us to later troubles. Here are a few:

• They don't have any interest in your dreams. Anyone not willing to listen to your dreams are probably not planning on the long term anyway.
• They only talk about themselves. Those people that are their own greatest fans. They might as well marry themselves. Let them... please.
• All the blame for failed relationships goes to their exes. If the ex was always at fault: which well be the case,and yet what does that say for their judgement? They always pick the worse people... now they are with you...hmmmm
• They are withholding contact information. Obviously this person is otherwise engaged...Nuff Said!!!!
• They are rude to other people. In stores , restaurants, or theatres they are rude to wait staff or salespeople . Closely watch this one, if they can treat any human being with so much disdain; guess who's next????
• They never let you pick the movie. Could be a sign they are control freaks, or even a worse kinda freak. Although you may (you women especially) like some assertiveness in a mate. Too much, however, is just too much!
• They ALWAYS let you pick the movie. Could be a sign they would rather be anywhere else in the universe. If they are that polite though(as may be the case); they should allow you the polite turn, and pick the darn movie already!
• Does not communicate with their family. Although it is a sad fact that some people come from broken, and sometimes horrid families; be leery if that person doesn't express any valid reason to shun the family. They may, in fact, be the broken, horrid one.
• Does not want to meet your family. Although some nervousness about meeting them initially is understandable; too much off-putting could mean you aren't so special in their eyes.
• Not liked by, children, dogs, or parakeet. Not to group children and pets; however they do seem to share an inherent intuitiveness that is often uncanny.
• LAST BUT NOT LEAST...
• Insecurities. Does this person need constant reassurance that they are smart, funny, attractive, and the like. Insecure people may feel the need to call you several times a day. This may be great if you both feel the need to communicate so much... it may be cute and romantic. Be forewarned that such a need could be a sign of jealousy,possessiveness, or worse!

Although no one is perfect, and to find perfection in a mate you'd probably have to leave the planet... it is reasonable, however, to have certain expectations. Remember too that just as one should not go to do the grocery shopping when hungry, when you are seeking a mate jumping into the dating pool too soon after a broken relationship can blur judgement.

It is also true that being too long away from a relationship can cause a similar calamity. Although loneliness is often the understandable motivation in seeking a mate it should't be sole reason to be with anyone. We should always remember, that we should be with someone worthy of our time ,and efforts.

Laurinzo Scott 2012