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How to Know If They Are Right For You...

Updated on July 13, 2016
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It seems with divorce rates at an all time high. The number of people married several times is also increasing. According to a recent study... those married three to four times, are up to 30% more likely to suffer heart disease and other stress related illness than those married once, and especially long term. Many young people start out on a life-long pattern of impulsive pairing that usually ends in disaster.

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Choices, choices, choices

Quite often in this increasingly superficial, materialistic world; we rely on the wrong factors to determine our mates. Having been through more than a few failed relationships; in retrospect, there were signs of trouble early on. Most of us ignore those signs.

Certain things seem to outweigh their "bad-points" for us, and we march blindly ahead. Things like: Their physical attractiveness

their finances

our loneliness

rebounding from a break-up too soon

a desire for intimacy

an unhealthy self esteem

If we all followed better judgement (easier said than done), we might see the signs that would clue us to later troubles. Here are a few:

  • They don't have any interest in your dreams. Anyone not willing to listen to your dreams are probably not planning on the long term anyway.
  • They only talk about themselves. Those people that are their own greatest fans. They might as well marry themselves. Let them... please.
  • All the blame for failed relationships goes to their exes. If the ex was always at fault: which well be the case,and yet what does that say for their judgement? They always pick the worse people... now they are with you...hmmmm
  • They are withholding contact information. Obviously this person is otherwise engaged...Nuff Said!!!!
  • They are rude to other people. In stores , restaurants, or theatres they are rude to wait staff or salespeople . Closely watch this one, if they can treat any human being with so much disdain; guess who's next????
  • They never let you pick the movie. Could be a sign they are control freaks, or even a worse kinda freak. Although you may (you women especially) like some assertiveness in a mate. Too much, however, is just too much!
  • They ALWAYS let you pick the movie. Could be a sign they would rather be anywhere else in the universe. If they are that polite though(as may be the case); they should allow you the polite turn, and pick the darn movie already!
  • Does not communicate with their family. Although it is a sad fact that some people come from broken, and sometimes horrid families; be leery if that person doesn't express any valid reason to shun the family. They may, in fact, be the broken, horrid one.
  • Does not want to meet your family. Although some nervousness about meeting them initially is understandable; too much off-putting could mean you aren't so special in their eyes.
  • Not liked by, children, dogs, or parakeet. Not to group children and pets; however they do seem to share an inherent intuitiveness that is often uncanny.
  • LAST BUT NOT LEAST...
  • Insecurities. Does this person need constant reassurance that they are smart, funny, attractive, and the like. Insecure people may feel the need to call you several times a day. This may be great if you both feel the need to communicate so much... it may be cute and romantic. Be forewarned that such a need could be a sign of jealousy,possessiveness, or worse!



Although no one is perfect, and to find perfection in a mate you'd probably have to leave the planet... it is reasonable, however, to have certain expectations. Remember too that just as one should not go to do the grocery shopping when hungry, when you are seeking a mate jumping into the dating pool too soon after a broken relationship can blur judgement.

It is also true that being too long away from a relationship can cause a similar calamity. Although loneliness is often the understandable motivation in seeking a mate it should't be sole reason to be with anyone. We should always remember, that we should be with someone worthy of our time ,and efforts.


Laurinzo Scott 2012

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Have you looked for one or more of these signs, either now or in the past?

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    • Deborah Brooks profile image

      Deborah Brooks Langford 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

      wow this is a great hub. I can tell you know what to look for in people.. I can tell you work with people.. I voted way up awesome and interesting

      Sharing

      Debbie

    • Laurinzo Scott profile image
      Author

      Live To Write 4 years ago from Phoenix, Az.

      Thank you so very much for commenting Deborah, hopefully being more careful in seection would avoid some future pain.

    • writer20 profile image

      Joyce Haragsim 4 years ago from Southern Nevada

      You hub bought back a flooding memory. Many many years ago I met someone who seemed like fun. He would always called just before I left asking me to pick a bottle of wine, sure no problem. Then this all came to a sudden ending when he took me to his ex-girlfriend displaying me like a trophy and not missing her like he really was.

      Voted up and interesting, Joyce.

    • Laurinzo Scott profile image
      Author

      Live To Write 4 years ago from Phoenix, Az.

      Thank you very much writer20 I have had so much experience (not proud of it) with failed relationships... I was compelled to write this one, hopefully iv'e learned something. As always, it is good to hear from you!

    • profile image

      Sueswan 4 years ago

      Hi Laurinzo

      Great points you have brought up here.

      I think many don't heed the signs because they are afraid to be alone. Being alone is better than being lonely with the wrong partner.

      Voted up and away

      Have a good week. :)

    • scrittobene profile image

      Maria D'Alessandro 4 years ago from Melbourne Australia

      This hub is written in a no nonsense down to earth way. Easy to follow and with some good advice. We should all have enough assertion in our lives to not settle for just anyone just because of our fear of being single. To have certain standards and to seek to match those standards should be paramount over any fear of being alone. Voted up Laurinzo.

    • Laurinzo Scott profile image
      Author

      Live To Write 4 years ago from Phoenix, Az.

      Thank you scritotbene for such an insightful and kind comment. Yes I agree with you 100% about the not lowering of standards. We must fight loneliness in so many other constructive ways .

    • DanaTeresa profile image

      Dana Strang 4 years ago from Ohio

      you make a lot of excellent points. this is a great read for anyone entering a relationship. or anyone taking stock of their current one. nicely done.

    • Laurinzo Scott profile image
      Author

      Live To Write 4 years ago from Phoenix, Az.

      Thank you so much Dana it is always an extreme pleasure to hear from you.

      Yes it was definitely scripted to bring up questions...

      Laurinzo

    • blondey profile image

      Rosemary Amrhein 4 years ago from Boston, MA

      Extremely insightful and well laid out. Quite the awesome amazing summary of what to do/what not to do. Sound advice! You know what you are talking about!

      Glad you've shared this information.

    • Laurinzo Scott profile image
      Author

      Live To Write 4 years ago from Phoenix, Az.

      Thank you so much Blondey, and I don't know if it's that I know what i'm talking about...just a lot of trial and error!!! lol

    • blondey profile image

      Rosemary Amrhein 4 years ago from Boston, MA

      Thanks Laurinzo,

      Yes, no matter how much you know or think you know, love is always "unpredictable"!

      cheers.

    • Laurinzo Scott profile image
      Author

      Live To Write 4 years ago from Phoenix, Az.

      Yes it is...but a lot has to do with choices we make, early on...

    • blondey profile image

      Rosemary Amrhein 4 years ago from Boston, MA

      So you have to do a bit of observing others first?

    • Laurinzo Scott profile image
      Author

      Live To Write 4 years ago from Phoenix, Az.

      It helps , and I definitely have my own battle scars, as education up close and personal.

    • Nakia Deon profile image

      Nakia Deon 4 years ago

      scary...I have dated all of the above. But the scariest part is that I have been some of the above.

      Way to make me hold a mirror up. LOL.

      Great post as usual.

    • Laurinzo Scott profile image
      Author

      Live To Write 4 years ago from Phoenix, Az.

      Lol... I laugh at your comment Nakia...only because of my similar experience

      Thank you for the honest comment

    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 4 years ago

      Lol @ title. okay will read now.

    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 4 years ago

      Excellent hub! Good information. I'm definitely bookmarking this. Voted up!

    • Laurinzo Scott profile image
      Author

      Live To Write 4 years ago from Phoenix, Az.

      Thank you so much Marlene...

    • Laurinzo Scott profile image
      Author

      Live To Write 4 years ago from Phoenix, Az.

      Bless you for the reading and comments... I am glad you liked this one... and I hoping your V-Day is awesome!!!!!

    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 3 years ago

      I am came back to re-read some of your relationship hubs. there's this guy that I used to date that always picked out the movie. I knew he was controlling from day one. Everything was about him. I didn't last too long with him.

    • Laurinzo Scott profile image
      Author

      Live To Write 3 years ago from Phoenix, Az.

      Thank you for the reading and commenting Marlene...

    • vocalcoach profile image

      Audrey Hunt 9 months ago from Nashville Tn.

      I'm glad I found this hub. Great tips you've shared here. I think the one thing I look for in a relationship is a great sense of humor. Most problems can be solved when both parties can laugh at themselves and/or the situation. Sharing.

    • Laurinzo Scott profile image
      Author

      Live To Write 9 months ago from Phoenix, Az.

      Thank you for the comment vocal coach(Audrey) that is a big requirement for me as well... I laugh at myself all the time

      Thanks for the read and comment

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