It breaks my heart.
I buried you today
laid you to rest at last.
It breaks my heart
the finality of it.
But it's good really,
I need the closure.
And its painfully obvious
you don't want me in your life.
I've held on for too long,
when clearly you wanted to go.
For so long the person
I love has been gone.
Nearly twenty years
since I last held you.
Nearly twenty years
since you loved me.
A battle between heart and mind.
For so long my heart
has battled my mind.
You were, and remain
my greatest love.
You brought me feelings
I'll never feel with another.
Even if I couldn't be with you
I was content to simply love you.
Sadly, no crushingly
you were incapable of that.
I wanted nothing more
than a sense of your love.
I wanted nothing more
than that deep friendship.
The friendship that allowed
us to talk about anything.
The way we would, sometimes
after making love.
I wish I understood
But I see now, despite
my hopes and prayers
You aren't capable
of that sort of love.
I wish I understood
what makes you afraid.
Afraid to love totally
with no reservations.
You did once,
you loved me that way.
And for the first time
I loved that way too.
But now years later
I still do while you don't.
It's long overdue.
So sad because even now
we could lift each other.
And you treating me
like a casual friend
Well that my love
tells me it's long overdue.
Time to put you to rest
for I can't bear it.
The you I remember
haunts my mind.
The you I remember
robs me of sleep.
The you I love and remember
is dead.
