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I Will Not Clean My Room Today

Updated on November 28, 2012
AudreyHowitt profile image

Audrey is a poet, classical singer and voice teacher, recovering attorney and licensed psychotherapist.

cute cowboy
cute cowboy | Source



I will not clean my room today,

no way, not today.

I will not clean my room today

or any other day, I say.


A dwarf lives under my bed you see.

That dwarf, well, he scares me.

A dwarf lives under my bed you see,

and he seeks to make a meal out of me.


He wants to shish-kabob

and pan fry me,

season and stir me,

grab and burn me.


So you see, I will not clean my room today.

I will not give that dwarf a way

to eat me—not while I have a say.

So, I say, go away!


copyright/all rights reserved April 10, 2012 Audrey Howitt. Do not use or copy without express written consent of the author.

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    • jhamann profile image

      Jamie Lee Hamann 5 years ago from Reno NV

      Yeah, yeah, yeah...I love it Audrey! Jamie

    • Jools99 profile image

      Jools99 5 years ago from North-East UK

      Audrey, this is fun! I don't need an excuse to not clean my room, dwarf or no dwarf, it's called laziness.

    • acaetnna profile image

      acaetnna 5 years ago from Guildford

      Great, what fun!

    • WillStarr profile image

      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      That was my story too, but Mom never bought it.

      I love it, Audrey!

    • writer20 profile image

      Joyce Haragsim 5 years ago from Southern Nevada

      Really cute poem and thank you for my daily giggle.

      Voted up and funny, Joyce.

    • sandrabusby profile image

      Sandra Busby 5 years ago from Tuscaloosa, Alabama, USA

      Adore this fun poem. Children would also have lots of fun with it. My own grandchildren are too old (YUCK), but there are some out there I might find to play with and use it.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 5 years ago from Shelton

      I love it your 30/30 so far a hit.. :)

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 5 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Cute as a button. This should be in a children's book..Cheers

    • shimmering Dawn profile image

      shimmering Dawn 5 years ago

      This is indeed cute.. sounds like one of the excuses from my little one.. Made me laugh. Have a blessed day! Peace.

    • Capedium profile image

      Capedium 5 years ago from Texas.

      This is fun!.. But most importantly, it is poetic

    • Vellur profile image

      Nithya Venkat 5 years ago from Dubai

      Oh my God, the poem is fantastic, the cowboy super cute in the picture.A great excuse not to clean up my room and a creative one at that. Voted up. Awesome, enjoyed reading!!!!!!!

    • profile image

      Sunnie Day 5 years ago

      haha so cute! I am going to use this one when I do not want to clean the house...:)

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 5 years ago from Riga, Latvia

      Voted up and funny. This is so cute Audrey. Loved it.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      You crack me up Jamie! Thanks for the read!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Hi Jools! That is me too! Thank you so much!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you acaetnna! This was a fun write!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Hey Will! Thank you! I think I owe you a visit!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you writer20!

    • profile image

      Sueswan 5 years ago

      Hi Audrey,

      This one made me chuckle, loved it.

      Voted up up and away!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you sandra!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you Frank!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you Ruby!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you Shimmering Dawn!

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 5 years ago from Wales

      Great work here Audrey.

      Eddy.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you Capedium!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you Vellur! I am glad that you liked it!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      I think my kids used it a bunch too! Thank you Sunnie Day!

    • EclecticFusion profile image

      Lisa 5 years ago from Tennessee

      Funny, awesome, and up! I really enjoyed this and it made me smile! Thanks for sharing it with us!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you Gypsy Rose Lee!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you Sueswan!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you Eddy!

    • thelyricwriter profile image

      Richard Ricky Hale 5 years ago from West Virginia

      Audrey, awesome poem! Your are so talented my dear. Poetry was meant for you or you meant for poetry. Cute poem.

    • BlossomSB profile image

      Bronwen Scott-Branagan 5 years ago from Victoria, Australia

      Such fun! I really enjoyed this. Voted up and funny.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you so much Eclectic! I feel as though I am falling behind!!!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you lyricwriter! It was a fun write!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you Blossom!!

    • jonmcclusk profile image

      Jonathan McCloskey 5 years ago from Cinnaminson, New Jersey

      Such a humorous and inviting poem, it gives me the feeling of child angst and I love that. Great poem by a great writer!

    • raciniwa profile image

      raciniwa 5 years ago from Naga City, Cebu

      no way, lol...so funny Audrey and so cute...

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Aww! Thank you Jon!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you raciniwa!

    • Stephanie Henkel profile image

      Stephanie Henkel 4 years ago from USA

      This is so imaginative and funny...perhaps my granddaughter will memorize it so that she has a new excuse not to clean her room! This made me smile!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you Stephanie! I am so glad that you enjoyed it!

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 4 years ago

      This is such a cute poem. Love the cowboy photo and the added emphasis it gives to your verses.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you teaches!!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you for the share barbergirl28!

    • tammyswallow profile image

      Tammy 4 years ago from North Carolina

      Thats exactly what my daughter said to me this morning. :) You could give Dr. Suess a run for his money.

    • tsmog profile image

      Tim Mitchell 4 years ago from Escondido, CA

      Good Morning Audrey. Thank You Tammy! I shall say I am a bit in theta or more active with subconscious than conscious. This poem is liberating for me and sharing, going through a process called spontaneous recovery, also frightening. A hub I see, yet I am keeping comments short these days. I choose between the memory and being liberated - liberty. I think I will write a poem today, and clean up my mess at home a little bit, which is a compromise. Again, thank you for being a tool of synchronicity Tammy bringing this poem forward. Thank you Audrey for exploring your mind and soul through your heart and sharing this creative poem.

      Mitch

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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Tammy --so funny!!! Thank you !!!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you Mitch! I am glad that this poem came to you when it did!

    • Vellur profile image

      Nithya Venkat 4 years ago from Dubai

      Came back to read and wanted to tell you I enjoy all your poems. Will check out your new addition. Great work.

    • dghbrh profile image

      deergha 4 years ago from ...... a place beyond now and beyond here !!!

      wow what a sweet poem...votes up and away.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you Vellur!!!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you so much dghbrh!

    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 4 years ago from Singapore

      Now I want to be a kid again! Thanks, Audrey, this was superb!! Sharing!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Oh me too Michelle!! Thank you!

    • sgbrown profile image

      Sheila Brown 4 years ago from Southern Oklahoma

      This caught my eye as we were recently talking to one of my grandsons about cleaning his room. I will have to read this to him and ask him if he is afraid of the dwarf and that is the reason he doesn't keep his room clean. Very cute, I love it! :)

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Aww thank you sgbrown!!

    • TToombs08 profile image

      Terrye Toombs 4 years ago from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map.

      Oh, this is just too dang cute! You have out done yourself. :)

    • kashmir56 profile image

      Thomas Silvia 4 years ago from Massachusetts

      Awesome poem and such a fun read !

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Aww--thank you Terrye!!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thanks Tom!

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Cute poem!! I've been cleaning up my house (finally) and now I'll hum this poem while doing so to make the process more entertaining! :)

    • rasta1 profile image

      Marvin Parke 4 years ago from Jamaica

      Very fun and entertaining. Made me feel like a kid.

    • Daisy Mariposa profile image

      Daisy Mariposa 4 years ago from Orange County (Southern California)

      Audrey,

      What fun! I enjoyed reading another side of you.

    • Esmeowl12 profile image

      Cindy A. Johnson 4 years ago from Sevierville, TN

      Poetry is not usually my thing but I just love this. Shades of Dr. Seuss. Great job.

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 4 years ago from New York

      This one needs an adorable button! It brings a chuckle to the kid in all of us.

      Voted up, awesome, and interesting.

    • mary615 profile image

      Mary Hyatt 4 years ago from Florida

      Loved your little poem, and I loved the little cowboy!

      Voted UP, etc.

    • profile image

      lovedoctor926 4 years ago

      This poem is so cute. Voted up!

    • lindalou1963 profile image

      Linda 4 years ago from Texas

      I love it!!! adorable photo!! Thanks for sharing!

    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 4 years ago from Singapore

      If a kid of mine gets this poetic, I might let it go if he doesn't want to clean his room! LOL!. Seriously, coming in again to say, you always marvel with your poetry!! Sharing.

    • janshares profile image

      Janis Leslie Evans 4 years ago from Washington, DC

      Ha ha, I'm still chuckling as I write this. Too funny, makes me want to leave my dirty room(s) just as is! Voted up and funny.

    • Mekenzie profile image

      Susan Ream 4 years ago from Michigan

      Adorable Story and well written. :)

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you Linda! And thank you for sharing this piece!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you rasta1!

    • CloudExplorer profile image

      Mike Pugh 4 years ago from New York City

      I had issues with that dwarf as a young child, but he was in the bathroom, and I never wanted to go visit at night because of his dumb butt.

      Yeah I know him, nice poem, maybe we need to invent a special weapon of mass destruction to rid the world of all dwarf's :) LOL.

    • LadyFiddler profile image

      Joanna Chandler 4 years ago from On planet Earth

      Lol Audrey this was a ice piece

      Well done

      Happy new year

    • stephanieb27 profile image

      stephanieb27 4 years ago from United States

      Cute!!!! :)

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you Daisy!! This was such a fun write!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      I am so glad that you enjoyed this piece Esmeowl12!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you Mary!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      And thank you Mary!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Aww thank you lovedoctor!!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Hi lindalou! Thank you!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you Michelle!!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you so much janshares!!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you Mekenzie!

    • pstraubie48 profile image

      Patricia Scott 4 years ago from sunny Florida

      This was fun and what a clever excuse for not cleaning. I will need to find out what is hiding under my bed that I can use to excuse me from cleaning...

      Sending you Angels today :) ps

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you Mike!!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you LadyFiddler!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you Stephanie!!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you pstraubie!

    • Gcrhoads64 profile image

      Gable Rhoads 4 years ago from North Dakota

      I love it! I will read this to my son tonight. :)

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you so much for reading this one Gcrhoads64!

    • Rfordin profile image

      Rfordin 4 years ago from Florida

      Very cute poem. Although my 4 year old doesn't mention dwarfs specifically she does mention monsters "won't let her clean her room". Thanks for the smile.

      ~Becky

    • Peggy W profile image

      Peggy Woods 4 years ago from Houston, Texas

      Haha! Now THAT is a great excuse. Think that I might try it out for size someday. :)) Up and funny votes.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you so much Rfordin and Peggy!! This was a fun write!

    • LailaK profile image

      LailaK 3 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

      This piece had me smiling all the way! Your word-usage and imagery got me carried away reflecting upon my childhood. Voted up!

    • LongTimeMother profile image

      LongTimeMother 3 years ago from Australia

      Audrey, I'm thinking it is time to leave a dustpan and brush under my bed, just in case the dwarf gets bored and decides to lend me a hand. lol. :)

    • Kathryn Stratford profile image

      Kathryn 3 years ago from Manchester, Connecticut

      This is a really cute poem, and the photo really sets the scene. I can really picture a kid saying something like that! I never did like to clean my room when I was a kid.

    • Just Ask Susan profile image

      Susan Zutautas 3 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      This is such a cute poem!

    • KDeus profile image

      Keely Deuschle 3 years ago from Florida

      Love it!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 3 years ago from California

      Hi Laila! Thank you for reading this!!

    • Thelma Alberts profile image

      Thelma Alberts 3 years ago from Germany

      No way! " I don't have to clean my roam today", but tomorrow I have to. Beautiful and funny. Thanks for sharing.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 3 years ago from California

      Oh I need to do the same LongTimeMother! Thank you so much!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 3 years ago from California

      Thank you Kathryn!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 3 years ago from California

      Thank you Susan!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 3 years ago from California

      Thank you so much KDeus! I was in a silly mood!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 3 years ago from California

      Thank you Thelma!

    • LadyFiddler profile image

      Joanna Chandler 3 years ago from On planet Earth

      LOL Audrey there ain't no dwarf under my bed and sometimes I don't feel like cleaning it I feel so exhausted and tired with work I just say look another day for you :)

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 3 years ago from California

      Thank you so much for reading this one LadyFiddler!

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