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I Will Not Clean My Room Today

Updated on November 28, 2012
AudreyHowitt profile image

Audrey is a poet, classical singer and voice teacher, recovering attorney and licensed psychotherapist.

cute cowboy
cute cowboy | Source



I will not clean my room today,

no way, not today.

I will not clean my room today

or any other day, I say.


A dwarf lives under my bed you see.

That dwarf, well, he scares me.

A dwarf lives under my bed you see,

and he seeks to make a meal out of me.


He wants to shish-kabob

and pan fry me,

season and stir me,

grab and burn me.


So you see, I will not clean my room today.

I will not give that dwarf a way

to eat me—not while I have a say.

So, I say, go away!


copyright/all rights reserved April 10, 2012 Audrey Howitt. Do not use or copy without express written consent of the author.

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    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you so much for reading this one LadyFiddler!

    • LadyFiddler profile image

      Joanna Chandler 4 years ago from On planet Earth

      LOL Audrey there ain't no dwarf under my bed and sometimes I don't feel like cleaning it I feel so exhausted and tired with work I just say look another day for you :)

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you Thelma!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you so much KDeus! I was in a silly mood!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you Susan!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you Kathryn!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Oh I need to do the same LongTimeMother! Thank you so much!

    • Thelma Alberts profile image

      Thelma Alberts 4 years ago from Germany

      No way! " I don't have to clean my roam today", but tomorrow I have to. Beautiful and funny. Thanks for sharing.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Hi Laila! Thank you for reading this!!

    • KDeus profile image

      Keely Deuschle 4 years ago from Florida

      Love it!

    • Just Ask Susan profile image

      Susan Zutautas 4 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      This is such a cute poem!

    • Kathryn Stratford profile image

      Kathryn 4 years ago from Manchester, Connecticut

      This is a really cute poem, and the photo really sets the scene. I can really picture a kid saying something like that! I never did like to clean my room when I was a kid.

    • LongTimeMother profile image

      LongTimeMother 4 years ago from Australia

      Audrey, I'm thinking it is time to leave a dustpan and brush under my bed, just in case the dwarf gets bored and decides to lend me a hand. lol. :)

    • LailaK profile image

      LailaK 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

      This piece had me smiling all the way! Your word-usage and imagery got me carried away reflecting upon my childhood. Voted up!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you so much Rfordin and Peggy!! This was a fun write!

    • Peggy W profile image

      Peggy Woods 4 years ago from Houston, Texas

      Haha! Now THAT is a great excuse. Think that I might try it out for size someday. :)) Up and funny votes.

    • Rfordin profile image

      Rfordin 4 years ago from Florida

      Very cute poem. Although my 4 year old doesn't mention dwarfs specifically she does mention monsters "won't let her clean her room". Thanks for the smile.

      ~Becky

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you so much for reading this one Gcrhoads64!

    • Gcrhoads64 profile image

      Gable Rhoads 4 years ago from North Dakota

      I love it! I will read this to my son tonight. :)

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you pstraubie!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you Stephanie!!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you LadyFiddler!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you Mike!!

    • pstraubie48 profile image

      Patricia Scott 4 years ago from sunny Florida

      This was fun and what a clever excuse for not cleaning. I will need to find out what is hiding under my bed that I can use to excuse me from cleaning...

      Sending you Angels today :) ps

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you Mekenzie!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you so much janshares!!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you Michelle!!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Hi lindalou! Thank you!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Aww thank you lovedoctor!!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      And thank you Mary!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you Mary!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      I am so glad that you enjoyed this piece Esmeowl12!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you Daisy!! This was such a fun write!

    • stephanieb27 profile image

      stephanieb27 4 years ago from United States

      Cute!!!! :)

    • LadyFiddler profile image

      Joanna Chandler 4 years ago from On planet Earth

      Lol Audrey this was a ice piece

      Well done

      Happy new year

    • CloudExplorer profile image

      Mike Pugh 4 years ago from New York City

      I had issues with that dwarf as a young child, but he was in the bathroom, and I never wanted to go visit at night because of his dumb butt.

      Yeah I know him, nice poem, maybe we need to invent a special weapon of mass destruction to rid the world of all dwarf's :) LOL.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you rasta1!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thank you Linda! And thank you for sharing this piece!

    • Mekenzie profile image

      Susan Ream 4 years ago from Michigan

      Adorable Story and well written. :)

    • janshares profile image

      Janis Leslie Evans 4 years ago from Washington, DC

      Ha ha, I'm still chuckling as I write this. Too funny, makes me want to leave my dirty room(s) just as is! Voted up and funny.

    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 4 years ago from Singapore

      If a kid of mine gets this poetic, I might let it go if he doesn't want to clean his room! LOL!. Seriously, coming in again to say, you always marvel with your poetry!! Sharing.

    • lindalou1963 profile image

      Linda 4 years ago from Texas

      I love it!!! adorable photo!! Thanks for sharing!

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      lovedoctor926 4 years ago

      This poem is so cute. Voted up!

    • mary615 profile image

      Mary Hyatt 4 years ago from Florida

      Loved your little poem, and I loved the little cowboy!

      Voted UP, etc.

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 4 years ago from New York

      This one needs an adorable button! It brings a chuckle to the kid in all of us.

      Voted up, awesome, and interesting.

    • Esmeowl12 profile image

      Cindy A. Johnson 4 years ago from Sevierville, TN

      Poetry is not usually my thing but I just love this. Shades of Dr. Seuss. Great job.

    • Daisy Mariposa profile image

      Daisy Mariposa 4 years ago from Orange County (Southern California)

      Audrey,

      What fun! I enjoyed reading another side of you.

    • rasta1 profile image

      Marvin Parke 4 years ago from Jamaica

      Very fun and entertaining. Made me feel like a kid.

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Cute poem!! I've been cleaning up my house (finally) and now I'll hum this poem while doing so to make the process more entertaining! :)

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Thanks Tom!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      Aww--thank you Terrye!!

    • kashmir56 profile image

      Thomas Silvia 4 years ago from Massachusetts

      Awesome poem and such a fun read !

    • TToombs08 profile image

      Terrye Toombs 5 years ago from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map.

      Oh, this is just too dang cute! You have out done yourself. :)

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Aww thank you sgbrown!!

    • sgbrown profile image

      Sheila Brown 5 years ago from Southern Oklahoma

      This caught my eye as we were recently talking to one of my grandsons about cleaning his room. I will have to read this to him and ask him if he is afraid of the dwarf and that is the reason he doesn't keep his room clean. Very cute, I love it! :)

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Oh me too Michelle!! Thank you!

    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 5 years ago from Singapore

      Now I want to be a kid again! Thanks, Audrey, this was superb!! Sharing!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you so much dghbrh!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you Vellur!!!

    • dghbrh profile image

      deergha 5 years ago from ...... a place beyond now and beyond here !!!

      wow what a sweet poem...votes up and away.

    • Vellur profile image

      Nithya Venkat 5 years ago from Dubai

      Came back to read and wanted to tell you I enjoy all your poems. Will check out your new addition. Great work.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you Mitch! I am glad that this poem came to you when it did!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Tammy --so funny!!! Thank you !!!

    • tsmog profile image

      Tim Mitchell 5 years ago from Escondido, CA

      Good Morning Audrey. Thank You Tammy! I shall say I am a bit in theta or more active with subconscious than conscious. This poem is liberating for me and sharing, going through a process called spontaneous recovery, also frightening. A hub I see, yet I am keeping comments short these days. I choose between the memory and being liberated - liberty. I think I will write a poem today, and clean up my mess at home a little bit, which is a compromise. Again, thank you for being a tool of synchronicity Tammy bringing this poem forward. Thank you Audrey for exploring your mind and soul through your heart and sharing this creative poem.

      Mitch

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      Tammy 5 years ago from North Carolina

      Thats exactly what my daughter said to me this morning. :) You could give Dr. Suess a run for his money.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you for the share barbergirl28!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you teaches!!

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      Dianna Mendez 5 years ago

      This is such a cute poem. Love the cowboy photo and the added emphasis it gives to your verses.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you Stephanie! I am so glad that you enjoyed it!

    • Stephanie Henkel profile image

      Stephanie Henkel 5 years ago from USA

      This is so imaginative and funny...perhaps my granddaughter will memorize it so that she has a new excuse not to clean her room! This made me smile!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you raciniwa!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Aww! Thank you Jon!

    • raciniwa profile image

      raciniwa 5 years ago from Naga City, Cebu

      no way, lol...so funny Audrey and so cute...

    • jonmcclusk profile image

      Jonathan McCloskey 5 years ago from Cinnaminson, New Jersey

      Such a humorous and inviting poem, it gives me the feeling of child angst and I love that. Great poem by a great writer!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you Blossom!!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you lyricwriter! It was a fun write!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you so much Eclectic! I feel as though I am falling behind!!!

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      Bronwen Scott-Branagan 5 years ago from Victoria, Australia

      Such fun! I really enjoyed this. Voted up and funny.

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      Richard Ricky Hale 5 years ago from West Virginia

      Audrey, awesome poem! Your are so talented my dear. Poetry was meant for you or you meant for poetry. Cute poem.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you Eddy!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you Sueswan!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you Gypsy Rose Lee!

    • EclecticFusion profile image

      Lisa 5 years ago from Tennessee

      Funny, awesome, and up! I really enjoyed this and it made me smile! Thanks for sharing it with us!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      I think my kids used it a bunch too! Thank you Sunnie Day!

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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you Vellur! I am glad that you liked it!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you Capedium!

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      Eiddwen 5 years ago from Wales

      Great work here Audrey.

      Eddy.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you Shimmering Dawn!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you Ruby!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you Frank!

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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you sandra!

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      Sueswan 5 years ago

      Hi Audrey,

      This one made me chuckle, loved it.

      Voted up up and away!

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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you writer20!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Hey Will! Thank you! I think I owe you a visit!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Thank you acaetnna! This was a fun write!

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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      Hi Jools! That is me too! Thank you so much!

    • AudreyHowitt profile image
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      Audrey Howitt 5 years ago from California

      You crack me up Jamie! Thanks for the read!

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      Gypsy Rose Lee 5 years ago from Riga, Latvia

      Voted up and funny. This is so cute Audrey. Loved it.

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      Sunnie Day 5 years ago

      haha so cute! I am going to use this one when I do not want to clean the house...:)

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      Nithya Venkat 5 years ago from Dubai

      Oh my God, the poem is fantastic, the cowboy super cute in the picture.A great excuse not to clean up my room and a creative one at that. Voted up. Awesome, enjoyed reading!!!!!!!