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Johnny Marijuana Seed
First of all I want to make clear that I'm am not advocating the planting of marijuana seeds, or the cultivation of illegal substances. This article is what is commonly known as a satire and is written with tongue firmly 'planted' in cheek.
I merely trying to point out the absurdity of making this plant illegal, when if, humanity really wanted to make it legal we would simple plant a seed far and wide and then the plant would be everywhere and as common as daisies.
I have written this article in response to the overwhelming page views received by my article Did the Illegal Criminalization of Marijuana Lead To The Downfall of America? which has over two thousand page views and climbing everyday.
Marijuana is illegal because those that import it into this country by the ton and are making BILLIONS of tax free money on it have the resources to bribe Congressmen, Senators to keep it that way and Port Authority Officials to look the other way. The Mexican Border Patrol is nothing short of eliminating the competition and has very little to do with Illegal Immigration.
America is the most corrupt and hypocritical country on the face of this Earth hands down, but I still enjoy living here so why not accept it and poke fun at the absurdity of the situation.
Germinating a Thought
Plant A Seed
Are you a marijuana user that has always wondered how hard or easy it would be to grow your own, let me tell you from thirty years experience it is quite easy, with amazing results. In Johnny Marijuana Seed I will discuss easy ways to spread your love of Kind Bud with neighbors, friends and family, simple plant a seed and allow God to do the rest.
Now the first thing that probable pops into your head is the legality of such an idea and this is where things get even easier. Sure possession is 9/10 of the law so you want to make sure you plant your seeds on someone else's property preferable State or Federally owned land. Kind of difficult to throw yourself in jail!
If there is no Federal or State owned land within walking distance of your house (potheads don't own cars they have better things to spend their money on), a neighbor or family member will do. Now when planting in your neighborhood one would think that you would have to be careful, but in fact the opposite is true. After all everyone has heard of the concept of 'hidden in plain site'.
You don't really think the Moon is a natural planetary body do you? Of course not, it is an artificially constructed Space Ship for Aliens to observe the human race without getting shot at, everyone knows that!
So when planting in your neighborhood there are a few helpful hints to keep in mind to ensure full maturation of your Ganja. The most important is to pick a neighbor that isn't all that great with keeping up with the Joneses when it come to lawn care. The second is to make sure you plant in a spot that will blend in with the other overgrown weeds and vegetation and the third is to allow for possible 'clandestine irrigation processes'.
All of these factors can be important but let's face it Kind Bud is a weed and will grow anywhere in any conditions and doesn't need a lot of attention, so don't fret over them, just planet a seed and God will take care of the rest.
Think of marijuana the same way most Americans think of their fellow humans in Third World Countries . . . they either live or die and either way I'm not going to lose any sleep over it.
Wild Marijuana Care
Now, as most of you dope smoking fools know, Marijuana can induce a lack of motivation by its users. So with that in mind, there is only one main chore any 'budding' (excuse the pun I couldn't help myself) Johnny Marijuana Seed wannabes needs to keep in mind, separating the males from the females.
After all most chronic smoking, hippie wannabes know that they are less likely to get off the couch to find the remote, take out the trash, conduct personal hygiene (such as bathing) than they are to actually do some work or God forbid get a job. So spending hours grooming and taking care of your plants is definitely out of the question, this is the great thing about Cheeba, it is hardy and can take care of itself.
Wild Marijuana care is perfect for lazy dope smokers, because it requires the one thing most pot smokers are good at . . . . . . . doing absolutely nothing, unless you consider shooting zombies on your play station a worth while activity!
The only thing you have to do and this isn't a deal breaker but just 'highly' recommended is to separate the males from the females. This is easy enough to do as marijuana is one of the only plants on this planet that actually distinguishes itself by genre. Are you able to distinguish between the sexes in your own species, then this will be your biggest clue when determining the sex of a marijuana plant.
Some people have gone so far as claiming Marijuana is an alien plant, because it is unique in the fact that it has two distinct species male and female, does that mean we are Aliens?
When they have reached a certain maturity they begin to display these sex organs and are easily recognizable. Just like the males of the human species male marijuana plants are basically worthless and are only used to reproduce the species, they serve no purpose beyond that.
That being said when they are recognized simple yank them out of the ground throw them on the ground, they have hardly any THC so they aren't even worth smoking. The females are the real prize of the species and if allowed to bloom into maturity will produce large seedless buds ripe with THC.
Johnny Marijuana Seed
Ripe and Juicy
When the females become ripe and juicy with primo buds, then they can be harvested for whatever purpose you deem worthy. I must remind you however that cultivating marijuana is illegal and one should not try this at home as it maybe dangerous to your health.
Ah does this article remind you of the days in which it was legal to pay your taxes in Marijuana, of a more Kind and gentler time when farmers were encouraged and even subsidized by the American Government to grow Hemp?
How far America has fallen in the traditions of greed and hypocrisy, when the common man can no longer grow a plant that helped feed, clothe and pay for the revolution that started this great country of ours. Thomas Jefferson and George Washington were both hemp farmers, something that is no longer taught in our schools, alas what is one to do . . . ?
Remember all you Johnny Marijuana Seed wannabes that this article was written as an attempt at humor and should not be considered an endorsement of cultivation, as a matter of fact I strictly forbid it. After all we wouldn't want to deny our public officials of any tax free contributions to their retirement fund or prevent BILLIONAIRES from remaining BILLIONAIRES it would be un-American.