Lemon County: Legal Lemons...

OHMYGOSH - that is so funny. And, I believe, it is very close to the truth, from what I know of that area. In fact the whole of California is tinged with those rules. On my few visits there, I could not help but notice and it seeps into the persona of people of that faith - even on the internet. LOL. So good, Chris. It lightened the day for me immeasurably.

It was a pretty day - a chilly wind but nice sunshine. I was out scurrying to get all my errands run before the onslaught predicted to begin at midnight - about 2 and a half hours from now. We will again have it start with rain, so that everything will be nice and wet and ready to glaze over. Then there will be some pellets of freezing rain, followed by several inches of snow and plummeting temperatures. I expect that my back patio screen door will again be frozen solid. Last week it froze up on Tuesday and it was Sunday before I could chip it loose to close the lid on the trash can - - after I emptied out the block of ice in it from being open all week during the winter storm. The trash wasn't picked up on its regular day, Friday, so I notice everyone up and down the alley has their cans out by the alley where we put them for pickup already, mine included. Just been carrying out more as it accumulates inside. Now I have set a chunk of concrete on the lid to keep it from blowing open since my side of the alley faces the North-northwest from whence the storm at midnight will come. Means the big arm which lifts the can and dumps it into the truck will just dump the chunk of concrete in there too. Not too "green" of me but heck. The weather is not too green either - and way off-course for Dallas, Texas!

But that's not the worst of it. My ranch almost on the Rio Grande and Pecos has had the same weather and will get this siege of it too. So? Well - so the Border Patrol flying over noticed some of my water pipes were busted and a water flue was spewing into the air unceasingly. The county Sherriff's office called me Monday to tell me. The county seat is about 70 miles by road from my place. It's 6 or so miles to my nearest neighbor and they are the only permanent residents for miles and miles. I called them and they were battling their own water breaks but she said she would try to drive over and at least turn off my pump. That can't remain off though, or the holding tank will eventually run dry and it has fish in it. Unless they've frozen.

I put in a call for my well man - who is about 50 miles away from my ranch on his own ranch, where he has his own water problems at the moment, as well as being the first call from anyone else needing help. He said he'd go over today and see what he could do. I haven't heard from him since 8AM this morning. He probably was out all day working and will call again in the morning to tell me what happened.

That is country that is totally dependent on the deep well. My ranch is ten square miles of rugged land with no surface water and certainly no source other than the well, with its pump and miles of network of pipe to the 6 troughs scattered over it. Without the water, the wildlife is deprived. I have no livestock on it now, and no people. But for it to remain viable, it must have its water. If you can imagine any place and people any more totally opposite of Orange County - that is it. Playing is unheard of.

Anyway - it is my roots but I am not "of" it. My folks came there in the 1920s and never lived down the "damnyankees" classification. We were always foreigners. And I was conceived there and born & grew up on the ranch and in the vicinity. I am lucky that any of them will give me the time of day. One wrong move and that's IT.

Anyway - I loved your hub. You had me laughing and smiling from beginning to end. You are priceless, Chris.

I do believe it is my job in life to knowingly break all of the unwritten rules. I firmly believe that if it hasn't been enacted into law, it does not apply to me!

Why spend twenty years there? Springs to mind. But then being looked down upon by every other person in a mile radius is something that us Brits are used to. In fact i hasten to add that we glean a certain amount of satisfaction out of daring to be oddities. You could spend twenty three hours per day trying to conform and still be ostracised for speaking with a forked tongue. You look odd, you act odd, you even write odd, but i say keep it up and keep shoving two fingers, or perhaps one, up to every lemon head in the county. But stay clear of Melbourne, we have standards to uphold. Cheers from an upper-lower-class ex-peasant. Address withheld.

This was a great piece of work my friend. I've found it to be true in all of the affluent areas I've lived close to, namely the East Side of Seattle and Scottsdale, AZ. You have to be rich, or in debt up to your eyeballs, to even pretend to keep up. I started running years ago when I realized I would never be able to afford the "right" kind of bicycle. It's not uncommon for a bicycle to cost $4000, with some going well over $10,000. (The other reason I quit riding was that I was more and more convinced that I was going to be run over soon.)

As far as SoCal goes, I would live there in a heartbeat. Lots of stuff to do and great weather to do it in.

I have to go. My organic oatmeal is almost done, and I have to get my dog down to the dog spa for her weekly massage before the lawn crew shows up.

Well, Chris, between you and Nellie, I have in the past ten minutes come to appreciate my modest little town here in Southern Indiana.

We are so blessed that the bad weather just misses us (most of the time!)

When winter storms hit my girl (45 miles north), my sister (100 miles east) and my other girl (67 miles south) we seldom see any action. You do know I don't literally mean "hit," don't you? I thought so.

As for the "community" affect - there is none , therefore we don't have to worry about rules so much.

In fact the local Walmart (1/2 mile away) allows folks to come in and just steal whatever they can with no consequences (we're talking TV's, guns, ammo, big stuff) and the poor employees are lucky to punch out of an evening still in one piece.

The children run wild at Walmart and patrons have to watch out for them, as well as employees get yelled at if they tell the kids to quit skateboarding in the store.

Ya gotta love the mid-west!

So, I'm counting my blessings and happy to be in little ole' Clark County. We have our flaws, and our good things, too, I suppose! :)

Voted up and awesome.

A good read. Funny and fun to read. Thank you!

Voted up and awesome!

Hi Chris. I grew up in SoCal and lived in OC, er, um, Lemon County from the late 60's through part of the 80's. Did you know there actually used to be Orange Trees there? Groves and groves of them. It smelled wonderful. Guess people like exhaust fumes better now though. We left 20 years ago and found what is paradise to us in NorCal. Glad so many people love it down there in LC though. Keeps the population in check up here. ;-) Voted up. Fun hub!