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Mayberry Garden Club

Updated on October 5, 2010

Ernest T. Bass is at it again!

Somebody’s got to reel him in!

What is this seemingly unforgivable sin?

And how has it come to everyone’s chagrin?

Down at the court-house,

Andy wanted closure,

But he was coming very close,

To losing his composure.

From Mount Airey to Morehead City,

From Siler City to Fancy Gap.

There was talk about givin’,

Ernest T. that “big nap”!

Clara Edwards and sweet Aunt Bee,

Wanted the nth degree,

Bought rope and formed a committee,

To break an Ernest T. Knee!

Ernest T. may be,

Mayberry’s Elmer Fudd.

But Deputy Fife keeps yellin’,

We need to “nip it in the bud!”

Barney Fife - Nip it in the Bud

Emma Brand,

Couldn’t steal or jaywalk.

Outspoken Howard Sprague

Couldn’t even talk!

There were rumors of intoxication,

Over at Wally’s filling station!

Otis Campbell was in a funk,

And you know that man got drunk!

You know,

Things got so grave,

Town founder Lord Mayberry,

Spun in his grave.

At Mrs. Mendalbright’s Rooming House,

Things were quiet as a mouse.

It was if darkness had overtaken the sun.

And tenant Deputy Fife was loading up his gun.

For Ernest T. indeed,

Did insult and besmirch,

The lady’s of the garden club,

The ladies of our church!

Sure Andy paddled Helen on Myers Lake.

But we know Andy, for heavens sake!

Sure they were missing in some old cave

But we are certain they did not misbehave!

Even Barney and Thelma Lou

Have been seen embracing a time or two.

But never behind a closed door,

And always with a foot on the floor!

Now Juanita, the waitress,

Over at the Bluebird Diner,

Wants to seek out Ernest T.

And give that man a shiner.

The Darlings couldn’t play a happy song,

No matter how hard they would try.

Now the only ones they play,

Make that “Darling” Charlene cry.

The Darlings Music Videos

Those “Darling” boys were so torn up,,

They could hardly pick a lick.

They only played that sad song,

“Never Hit Your Grandmaw With A Great Big Stick”.

Over at the “Snappy Lunch”,

Everything came to a grinding crunch.

Floyd Lawson the barber couldn’t cut hair.

As the patrons contemplated the affair.

Even Gomer’s gentleness,

Was put to the test,

As many heard him yell,

“Citizen’s arrest! Citizen’s arrest!”

Citizens Arrest

Mayor Pike is madder,

Than the meanest alligator,

And Sarah is no longer,

That same smooth operator.

And Barney says,

“As sure as the Edsel is a dud,

We’re going to have to,

“nip this thing in the bud!”

Sweeney Floyd: The Dim-Wit Barber of Mayberry

They finally treed Ernest T.

Said Ernest T. from up in a tree!

“I see you but you can't see me,

Pekabee its Ernest T.”

The men were ready,

For roping and branding,

When Andy said, “Maybe there’s been,

A big misunderstanding!”

“Now Aunt Bee and you ladies

Put down your hoes and rakes,

And put the points down on those spades,

For heaven’s sakes!”

“Before we chop off Ernest T.’s head,

Let’s make sure of what he’s said!

Now what was it he said,

Walking by that flower bed?”

After getting’ to the bottom of it all,

Andy began to implore.

“Ernest T. knows all you ladies,

And all of you, he does adore.”

“Many a day,

I heard Ernest T say”,

“If I'd seen you coming,

I'd have known what to do.

I'd have rais'd both arms,

and woved at you!”

Ernest T. Only said,

“These ladies sure are purty,

And they can ‘shore’ 'nuff,

get down and dirty.”

Now Andy had to explain,

To “pore” old Ernest T.,

"Now, settle down, when you come to town.

Quit yellin’ like a wild banshee!"

“Now these ladies planting flowers,

Bending over in clover,

Don’t need a man standing around,

Right when they’re bending over!”

But let this sink in

through your pores,

right to your very core!

These ladies are the,

                                  “Mayberry Garden Club”,

                                                                             not the “Mayberry Hoers”!

by Micky Dee

I Want A New Drug by Barney Fife

Ernest T: If a duck stood still you could catch him by the bill.

Ernest T: I don't chew my cabbage twice. And you ain't heard the last of Ernest T. Bass!

Ernest T: I'm a little mean, but I make up for it by bein' real healthy. Say you'll be mine. Say you'll be my beloved!

Ernest T: No hunt. Beware. Open and closed. No credit.

Ernest T: I ain't talkin'. I ain't talkin'. The more you're askin' the more I'm balkin'.

Ernest T: She called me a "creachture"—I ain't no "creachture"!!!

Ernest T: I'm gonna get you! And I'm gonna get you, and you, and you, I'm gonna get you, and I'm gonna get your stick too!

Ernest T(reflecting upon his time in the army): Hup two, three, four, clean your gun and get in the truck.

Ernest T: How do you do, Missus Wiley?

Ernest T.: My name's Ernest T. Bass, what's yers?

Ernest T: Awright, listen... 

Old Aunt Mariah, jump in the fi-ah,

Fire too hot, jump in the pot,

Pot too black, jump in the crack,

Crack too high, jump in the sky,

Sky too blue, jump in canoe,

Canoe too shallow, jump in the tallow,

Tallow too soft, jump in the loft,

Loft too rotten, jump in the cotton,

Cotton so white she stay there all night.

Ernest T.: I didn't do nothin'. Gotta go!

                                                God bless Mayberry!

The Andy Griffith Show is one of the best shows that has ever been!

Above and below, the "Mayberry" set is used in the Star Trek scene.


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    • Micky Dee profile imageAUTHOR

      Micky Dee 

      7 years ago

      Thank you so much Loves To Read! I love this old show. I still watch it! God bless you Dear!

    • Loves To Read profile image

      Loves To Read 

      7 years ago

      Dear, sweet Micky. You are always a joy with your hubs. They do bring back many good old memories.

      Yes i also remember the old test pattern days and the stations all went off air at 10pm.

      They were all good clean family entertainment and always gave us a smile, unlike today's glorification of wars, sex and violence. Keep up the good work my friend. Up and funny.

      Love and Hugs

    • Micky Dee profile imageAUTHOR

      Micky Dee 

      8 years ago

      Oh my Dear Peggy! I remember! I remember the National Anthem being played as the stations went to sleep. Please give my deepest apologies to Dusty and Skippy. I should have put a warning with those videos! God bless you Peggy! I really loved your Faulkner hub!

    • Peggy W profile image

      Peggy Woods 

      8 years ago from Houston, Texas

      Loved this!!! Brought back my childhood when I first saw these when they were first run on television that was still black and white. My grandparents had a colored television before my parents purchased one and we would go over to their house for special shows. Remember the test pattern as the TVs were warmed up? Those were the good old days! Family members of all ages could sit around the television and enjoy the shows.

      You have outdone yourself on this Mayberry Garden Club hub. (But then I seem to say that about many of your hubs!) You are a genius! Thanks and all kinds of buttons being pushed on this one!

      Also liked the videos but the initial noise on the Sweeney Floyd video made Dusty (our cat) who was lying on the desk in front of the computer sit up and take notice. It scarred Skippy (my mother's little dog) right out of the room! Haha!

    • Micky Dee profile imageAUTHOR

      Micky Dee 

      8 years ago

      akirchner- you should write a hub about your boy and his doing that!!! Oh my! Thank you for that!

    • akirchner profile image

      Audrey Kirchner 

      8 years ago from Washington

      Oh Gosh, Micky - one of my favorite shows of all time. Even when I was a young woman and my first little boy was a year old, he latched onto the music from the show and would stand in front of the TV mesmerized and listen to the whole thing, then pick up his imaginary rock and throw it just like Ken Howard. We still laugh about that one. And Barney was my all time favorite personality of TV - he reminded me of myself I suppose!

      Great hub and neat pictures!!!

    • Micky Dee profile imageAUTHOR

      Micky Dee 

      8 years ago

      Thank you Stephhicks! That's a keeper- that show! Your hubs are great!

    • stephhicks68 profile image

      Stephanie Hicks 

      8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

      So creative! Makes me want to watch some old re-runs. I love Andy Griffith!

    • Micky Dee profile imageAUTHOR

      Micky Dee 

      8 years ago

      Yo WarrioRR! Thank you so very much. I love your latest work!

    • warrioRR profile image


      8 years ago from Rawalpindi Pakistan

      Nice to read this hub

      again great work Micky

    • Micky Dee profile imageAUTHOR

      Micky Dee 

      8 years ago

      Poetvix! I know you saw only the reruns! They are SO cool though. That's the whole package. They were slapstick a bit and small town and hillbilly and they were "cool"! I am so glad this brought a smile out! God bless you poetvix!

    • Micky Dee profile imageAUTHOR

      Micky Dee 

      8 years ago

      Thank you SO much Always Exploring! You're one of my favorite writers and poets. You have a wonderful heart. And you left all of us this pretty poem here. That took time. I see this ALL the time Always Exploring. I see your kindnesses all over the hubpages.

      Please know that so many people love you!

      Cause we do!

    • poetvix profile image


      8 years ago from Gone from Texas but still in the south. Surrounded by God's country.

      I have not thought of this show in forever and a day. Thanks for bringing back the smiles of innocent fun and family. It was like an America that was an ideal dream. You made me smile sir and I thank you for that too :).

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      8 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Thank,s for the memories. I still watch reruns sometimes. My mother loved this show too. You put so much work into everything you do.

      Mayberry was a town to be proud of

      Kind, honest people, full of love

      Andy was my kind of man

      So good-looking, i was his number-one fan

      He could hand-cuff me any day

      As long as he stayed and never went away

      Aunt Bea was as pure as gold

      Her and the ladies liked to gossip a little i,m told

      But the show was in a different time zone

      Sad to say, today it would never be shown

    • Micky Dee profile imageAUTHOR

      Micky Dee 

      8 years ago

      Oh Martie! You have so much catching up to do. God bless you Girl! I'll be over your way soon.

    • Micky Dee profile imageAUTHOR

      Micky Dee 

      8 years ago

      Hey Christopher! You drive that bus a while and we'll get there. God bless!

    • Micky Dee profile imageAUTHOR

      Micky Dee 

      8 years ago

      I knew you would like this Bobbi! See you soon at your place!

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 

      8 years ago from South Africa

      Oh no! We haven’t seen this (yet). Going to send this hub to our SABC – they’ve got to get these shows, because we will enjoy it. Although humor is (also) in the eye of the beholder – it is not always easy to ‘catch’ the humor in the shows of other nations. Personally I struggle to catch it in British and French comedies. Thanks for sharing! Voted UP and UP.

    • Christopher Price profile image

      Christopher Price 

      8 years ago from Vermont, USA

      Memory Lane must run right through Mayberry.

      I'm glad I boarded this bus and you were driving.

      Thanks for the very enjoyable tour.


    • BobbiRant profile image


      8 years ago from New York

      Thanks for bringing back memories of my childhood. Loved this show. Great hub.

    • Micky Dee profile imageAUTHOR

      Micky Dee 

      8 years ago

      Yo Katie! Just remember now- if you're joining a gardening club - make sure it has a good name! God bless you KT!

    • katiem2 profile image


      8 years ago from I'm outta here

      What a cool look into another place and time. Oh how simple things were in Mayberry. The Garden Club takes on a whole new meaning nowadays. Thanks for the great break for this modern day. Awesome, great collection of videos and pictures. Very impressive and enjoyable! :)

    • Micky Dee profile imageAUTHOR

      Micky Dee 

      8 years ago

      Hey Eiddwin! You shine way brighter than I! Poor Fuschias! The worst thing about your Fuschias is- it's hard to rhyme. Minutia- it's excrutia- ating! God bless Eiddwen!

    • Eiddwen profile image


      8 years ago from Wales

      These poems are brilliant Micky. Especially with the video clips adding to the moment. This rhyming is indeed very addictive. I try to make sure I don't laugh out loud if a rhyme comes to mind as I'm shopping in our local Tesco. Can you imagine the quips and looks. 'Oh god she's off again, shame!!! Ha ha!! Thank you so much for sharing this and putting a smile on our faces as the rain pours down and drives my little feathered companions away from their birdtable!!! If that wasn't enough the gales are doing their best to flatten my beautiful Fuschias!!!You really are a star. Take care and God Bless Micky.

    • Micky Dee profile imageAUTHOR

      Micky Dee 

      8 years ago

      Yo Epigramman, I must confess,

      Your words are so hard to address.

      So many beautiful people here,

      with such great writing prowess.

      Each person here is a story of success.

      Allow me a moment to digress,

      You are still a "fine and beautiful mess"!

    • epigramman profile image


      8 years ago

      ..years from now .... well many many years from now .... they'll discover a time capsule and in it - will be what was considered the perfect hub - or the epitome of the perfect hub - and they will say = gee there are so many to choose from and they all come from Sir Dee of the Mickey King !!!!!!

      ..ya all come back now ......ya hear!!!!!!

    • Micky Dee profile imageAUTHOR

      Micky Dee 

      8 years ago

      Yo yo! Prasetio!

      Everybody knows him,

      wherever he goes!

      Every one of his hubs,

      are poetic "shows"!

      Nephew- God has repaid me already - I met my nephew from Indonesia!

    • prasetio30 profile image


      8 years ago from malang-indonesia

      I love all the story of Ernest T. I am wrong about this hub. I thought I saw beautiful garden, but this all totally beautiful more than I thought before. All the vintage scene very impress me . I love this hub, it makes me want to join in that scene. Good work and you are really my uncle who always give the best hub for your nephew. Vote and vote again.... Cheers...

      Note: I give many thanks to you, because you put my link in this hub. God will repay your kindness.


    • Micky Dee profile imageAUTHOR

      Micky Dee 

      8 years ago

      Hi Freya! I love that picture of you! If you change it- it will still be pretty. No Freya, Tonymac is from South Africa and he has not seen the shows. It's quite often beautiful and funny nonsense. These were 30 minute TV shows.The show was very sweet compared to many TV shows today. No bad language - they make make up words or actually mispronounce a lot. It isn't funny to laugh at others to ridicule. These folks were reflecting a bit "true people" but with just a twist of funny lunacy. They pretend to be be lacking in skills. In real life this could be as another person coming from a different environment into another culture - and making mistakes. "Pretend and fun" are only fun if we all can laugh. If we all can laugh, we're all together. But gosh Freya! These were before you were born. These show are in "rerun" all the time, still, because the show was so good. I love you Freya!

    • Freya Cesare profile image

      Freya Cesare 

      8 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

      Do I the only one who never watched these movies? T.T

    • Micky Dee profile imageAUTHOR

      Micky Dee 

      8 years ago

      Thank you Dear Dim! My injuries are very nagging. Let's see if I can run them off for you- benign cyst in left and and below (smarts starting), strained tendon at left knee (not bad and temporary- for two months now), bad discs in the middle and lower back (constant), pain through lower back and right hip, numbness in right leg, shoulders are going- right is horrible and took me out with neck pain (disc) etc. Sometimes it takes me out. But I want this pain if it will keep you from having it or anyone else! If it had to come somewhere- bring it on. I'll try to cope. Yo! Sorry I ran off at the keys! Thank you Dim for caring for others! God bless Dim!

    • Dim Flaxenwick profile image

      Dim Flaxenwick 

      8 years ago from Great Britain

      Micky , you are a wonder.! But you MUST look after your health. (sorry to sound like I´m your mom, or something).. I just worry about sport injuries. Bet you ride when you´re hurting before you start.!!!!!!

      Take care. love you. x

    • Micky Dee profile imageAUTHOR

      Micky Dee 

      8 years ago

      Thank you Minnetonka Twin! I just caught up a bit at your place. Yep, these guys were something! People had more fun with softer innuendos and less noise.

    • Minnetonka Twin profile image

      Linda Rogers 

      8 years ago from Minnesota

      What a blast to go back to Mayberry. You are incredibly talented the way you put all videos and poetry together. I miss shows like that! They just don't make em the same anymore. Now it's all sex and other things that you don't want your kids to watch. This show was something for the whole family. Great job on this Mickey Dee:)

    • Micky Dee profile imageAUTHOR

      Micky Dee 

      8 years ago

      SilverGenes! I am so glad you love Mayberry! I love the twist you gave me at the end too- "you get Ernest to hevin"!!!I love you Dear SilverGenes!

    • Micky Dee profile imageAUTHOR

      Micky Dee 

      8 years ago

      Oh my goodness Tony! You can catch up on youtube Bud! Thank you Dear Sir! Peace and love Brother Man!

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      LOVE LOVE LOVE this! Mayberry is the best place ever. If I'm up in the night and want to visit a happy place, it's Mayberry at 4 a.m. When you put Mayberry and your poetic and creative genius together, you get Ernest to goodness hevin. Good grief, man, you have talent oozing everywhere!

    • tonymac04 profile image

      Tony McGregor 

      8 years ago from South Africa

      Have never seen this show but I sure loved your poem, Micky. It's a beaut, to be sure!

      Love and peace


    • Micky Dee profile imageAUTHOR

      Micky Dee 

      8 years ago

      Thank you Brenda!

      Thank you again Sa'ge!

      YO! Creativeone! I think forests have been removed to update Mayberry history. There's a lot of info out there. You tube is full of their videos. Thank you Dear Faye!

      Yo Bro 50 Caliber! They do and there's an updating website or three that will point to those I think. Then there are a bunch of fan clubs for the show and the cast members. I have a collection of their shows on DVDs. But click twice on any of these videos and you'll see a bunch of the best parts. God bless you Brother Man!

      justom!!! Man- it cracks me up too! Ernest T. Bass should have had his own show! Barney! He went on to great things too. Andy was always handy! I thought you were going to do the Clampetts?

    • Micky Dee profile imageAUTHOR

      Micky Dee 

      8 years ago

      Petra Vlah- you are perfect! I think it annoys some folks actually. Let's blame it on "Always Exploring"! MFB would leave a beautiful poem at my hubs and all others. He is so good! I actually tried to leave something interesting, at least a little, at his hubs when my brain would function. But sometimes it takes time and we don't have time to write a hub at another hub.

      I get long in political rebuttals but all I have is the truth. Fairy tales don't like those.

      But I may not play

      so long with rhymes

      at times

      there ain't enough time, in a day!

    • Micky Dee profile imageAUTHOR

      Micky Dee 

      8 years ago

      Oh thank you Sa'ge. I can't zing one back at you. I'm a mess right now! God bless Girl!

    • justom profile image


      8 years ago from 41042

      My God bro, it took me a while to start to type from laughing so hard. I love this, I still watch the gang every day (even though I've seen 'em all way too many times)but I don't think I'll ever tire of that show. You are a VERY funny dude, how about doing one like this on my other favorite The Clampets of Beverly. Peace!! Tom

    • 50 Caliber profile image

      50 Caliber 

      8 years ago from Arizona

      Mic, funny and fun stuff! Do they still show the reruns on late night TV? A time when entertainment was just that! I wonder where the creativity went? 50

    • creativeone59 profile image

      benny Faye Douglass 

      8 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona

      Fabulous and funny MIcky, where did you get all this information, you are fantastic with your poems. You made my day. Thanks for sharing. Godspeed. creativeone59

    • Sa`ge profile image


      8 years ago from Barefoot Island

      Petra you made me laugh, hehe was sort of a inside joke that rhyme thing, nothing to do with Epi :D.

      Micky, I did not know that Star Trek used the Mayberry set.

      now i do know. thanks for that tidbit of info, :D

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      There are lots of Mayberry fans out there that need to see this! Great job!

    • Petra Vlah profile image

      Petra Vlah 

      8 years ago from Los Angeles

      What's up with this new form of living comments? Everybody is doing it in rhyme lately (it is because of epi man) that everybody got with it? I should rethink my strategy now I suppose

    • Sa`ge profile image


      8 years ago from Barefoot Island

      Mickey Dear let them out

      we will all shout

      set your self free,

      let them out Dear!

      Set them all free.

      never mind the scores

      hand them all smoors

      don't think me smug

      you are cute as a bug

      I just gotta give you a hug

      you are my squeeze

      make me a smoothie please!

    • Micky Dee profile imageAUTHOR

      Micky Dee 

      8 years ago

      Oh Petra! I love you my Dear! I was hurt by this one though. My back is a mess and I've done too much including sitting in front of a computer. I thought I could knock it out quickly after my poem. There is more info and more pics and things about "Mayberry" than anything it seems. There is so much that I went by a picture, forgot about it and I searched and never found it again. Maybe for the best! God bless you Petra!

    • Micky Dee profile imageAUTHOR

      Micky Dee 

      8 years ago

      Yep Sa'ge! These hubs are inside and they are yearning to be free. They're just killing me! These are funny folk! Thank you Dear!

    • Petra Vlah profile image

      Petra Vlah 

      8 years ago from Los Angeles

      You are just amaizing, Micky. Where do you find all those pictures? How long does it take you to put together such a great hub? Are you ever sleeping?

      My husband is a big fan of thoes old movies and trys to see at least one episode evrey weekend. Thank you dear, wonderful as we came to expect of you

    • Sa`ge profile image


      8 years ago from Barefoot Island

      BOO! gads this is so awesome, I loved it so much LOL hot got me laughing all over the place. was so worth the wait. Love you! yea one that dont keep you up or let you sleep and dont stop hahahah good luck.


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