More Sonia's World

Yep, it's me. You probably don't recognize me from all of the descriptions you've no doubt heard from the rest of the family. When one is destined for greatness, life can be difficult. However, I can handle it. Do you see how calm and in control I am? I am so misunderstood. After all, being the 'baby' of the family is not what it's cracked up to be. All of the sibling abuse I've had to endure...a weaker person wouldn't have survived it. But aren't you happy I did? There are so many stories I have to tell you...

My dad tends to think that he can cut hair. Not only can he give you a hair cut--he can give you a great haircut. Those of us in the know just kind of nod our heads "uh-huh" and leave as quickly as possible. He used to cut my brothers' hair and would give them 'parts' with the clippers. Dad even took to cutting his own hair. He gave himself some scary "fades".

My boyfriend, Ben, needed a haircut, and of course Dad told him that he could give him a professional haircut because, after all, he was a professional . No sooner does Dad start cutting than we hear that all-telling word--"Oops!"

"Whaddaya mean, oops?!" I yell. And I look in horror at the 1¹/₂ x 1¹/₂ square out of the back of Ben's head!

"The darn guard came off the clippers!" was the excuse Dad gave for this hair fiasco. I vowed to get even with Dad. But, to his credit, Ben was a gentleman.

Even though school is not my first choice of how I think I should spend my time, I put forth enormous effort to getting an education. Being the model student that I am, it often baffled me how my teacher could turn into the Frankenstein monster without any warning. I would just be sitting, minding my own business and she would start yelling at me. I would, in a very steady voice, ask her why. She would lick the white foam from her mouth and say, "Because I already went to high school!" Whatever that meant. Her favorite saying is "It's all good in the hood!" I think an intervention and a long-term substitute is in order.

Sometimes it's really funny when Matthew gets all riled up. He develops close attachments to certain clothes and wears them constantly. He gets mad when we try to tell him to wear something else. We've been known to confiscate them when he is sleeping, and put them in the Goodwill bag of clothes, never to be seen or worn again. We've been trying to get this big yellow shirt that mom brought him into this bag. We're still trying to figure out what she was thinking when she bought it??? (Must have been one of those senior moments she talks about.) He wears it to church and I'm sure it blinds the pastor. He looks like a big yellow sun. 

You know how they say that sometimes kids just go bad? Well, I've got a parent that is well past his expiration date. According to Dad, I am bound for hell. Why, you ask? I don't go to church. Do I believe in God? Yes. Do I love Jesus? Yes. Am I going to church? No. Ouch, ooch, eech...hot coals....mwuahahahaha!!!!