Obama as Othello : A Shakespeare Parody. Act 6 Scene 1. The 2012 Nuclear Security Summit
Our protagonist is coming near to the end of his first term in office. Read how he got the job back at the beginning of our little cautionary tale. Click on the link to those halycon days of 2008.
Obama as Othello : A Shakespeare Parody. Act 6 Scene 1
The 2012 Nuclear Security Summit
It is now March of 2012 and we are in Seoul, the capital city of South Korea.
US President Othell'Obama is in attendance at the Nuclear Security Summit at the COEX Convention and Exhibition Center.
In this scene he is in private conversation with Chinese President Hu Jintao and the Japanese Prime Minister Yoshihiko Noda.
Obama : We need to get serious about nuclear proliferation. Too many countries might have the potential to develop nuclear weapons and this will destabilise the world. We just cannot accept the possibility of some crackpot nation dropping the bomb.
Jintao: I agree. So, no more Hiroshimas
Obama: If you must put it like that
Noda: Or Nagasakis
Obama: Come on, cut it out fellas, that's all in the past.
Jintao: But not forgotten. Not forgotten that America is the only country ever to have dropped an atom bomb.
Obama: And we never want to again. I know that one bomb can destroy a whole city in 10 seconds.
Jintao: Well in that case in under half a minute we could get rid of Detroit and Cleveland for you.
Obama: If you don't mind I'll turn down your considerate offer. There's a lot of Democrat votes in Detroit and Cleveland. But besides, top of the agenda for me is North Korea and to a lesser extent, Iran. We need to discuss them.
Noda: Then perhaps we should hear from their representatives on what they have to say.
Obama: They ain't here
Noda: Is this not unusual? Surely if we want to discuss these nuclear issues we should speak directly with those at the heart of the problem.
Obama: Believe me I've tried. Now! I think we all agree that North Korea is the absolute pits and their leader is a real looney tune. He's been chucking hardware around and poking the ribs of South Korea lately. These guys are a threat to the region.
Jintao: I think you exaggerate Mr President. Certainly North Korea has many internal problems. You can't get decent soap, they dress badly and they have the occasional famine.
Obama: Occasional famine? Hell! At least hundreds of thousands died through starvation and disease in the 1990's.
Jintao: Oh that's nothing. Chairman Mao killed a cool 30 million with his agricultural disasters in the 1960's. China is no worse off nowadays.
Obama: Yeah but you've got plenty of personnel.
Jintao: That's true
Obama: So if we dropped a bomb on you I guess you could make up the population shortfall in a few weeks.
Jintao: Whereas if we nuke you then you'd need more Mexicans. But we don't feel that North Korea represent a real external threat. Except when they beat us at Badminton. That was very bad.
Noda: They beat us too and even at Karate
Obama: It seems their last leader was a hot shot golfer too. Listen! We don't want to take a chance that they'll do something stupid. This region needs stability and it needs leadership. You guys in China haven't shown much of that. Look at your carbon emissions, look at your pollution, you're poisoning the atmosphere.
Jintao: Excuse me, I'm not Japanese.
Obama: I know that.
Jintao: Well in case you missed it one of their power station just blew up. Maybe you should talk to him about emissions.
Noda: That was a freak accident.
Jintao: And how are the cancer rates in Iraq these days? Your 2,000 tonnes of depleted uranium spread around the country is keeping the doctors busy over there.
Obama: I don't have exact figures for that.
Noda: I do! Birth defects in Basra are 17 times the pre-war level, child leukaemia has more than doubled. In Fallujah it is worse as there has been a 12-fold increase in child cancers. We have been doing research after the Fukushima disaster.
Obama: Listen Yoda! Who's side are you on dude? I won't be wearing my Sony watch if you keep that up. Look! This conference is about the nuclear issue. Let's stick to the point.
Noda : I hate it when you call me that.
Jintao: I'm very sorry for bringing up the subject. But weapons filled with nuclear material?.....
Obama: Hold on.......
Jintao: ....radioactive fallout.........
Obama: Yes but .......
Jintao: ........deadly tumours, terrible birth deformities,......
Obama: Wait a minute.....
Jintao: ......... poisoned earth, contaminated water. I thought all that would be within the remit.
Obama: It sure ain't, so lay off with DU mallarkey and lets talk about the really big bad bombs.
Noda: Yes let us do that.
Obama: Now! As I said you have a great responsibility around here being the big guy on the block. Your Commie friends in Pyongyang dance to your tune. So what are you gonna do to help us. North Korea is a rogue state, one of the 'Axis of Evil' as Bush called it. Are you a beast with two backs or are you on our side? They've been aggressive and acting with impunity recently throwing their weight around, causing instability. When are you gonna reign them in?
Jintao: I could ask you the very same question about Israel. What are you going to do about them?
Obama: I repeat! Let's stick to the nuclear issue.
Jintao: I'm very sorry. A rogue state, acting with impunity.....
Obama: Now here ...
Jintao: .... with a stockpile of 200 undeclared nuclear weapons.......
Obama. But .....
Jintao: ....... refusing to sign the Non-Proliferation Treaty....
Obama: Yes but ........
Jintao: ....and they will not allow IAEA inspections at Dimona. Now! I though all this would be in the remit.
Obama: Just keep your damned nose out of our business.
Jintao: Give us back Taiwan then
Obama: They don't want to go back. Who the hell is going to hand over a whole population to you anyway
Noda: The British.
Obama: Well then you should be happy you got Hong Kong and lay off Taiwan. You ain't dealing with weak-kneed Limeys here.
Jintao: Taiwan is on our turf as you Americans say.
Obama: Yeah? So what? They pay top dollar for protection and we give it to them.
Jintao: Our little Cuba in the South China Sea.
Obama: You see it your way we see it ours.
Jintao: It would be a pity if our little Cuba was treated like your little Cuba would it not. You know of the 1962 missile crisis of course and I'm sure you wouldn't want the same thing to happen with Taiwan. Shame if it had a nasty accident.
Obama: Just make sure it don't. You should weigh your words before you give them breath. Just start worrying about those crazies in North Korea.
Jintao: They are our crazies and they won't do anything unless we say so.
Obama: So what would you say
Jintao: I say we would say what we want to say when we want to say if we had to say it.
Obama: That's not saying much.
Jintao: So you say.
Obama: Let's say that they won't listen to what you say and say they do something you don't want them to do. What do you say to that?
Jintao: That would be unspeakable
Noda: It certainly sounds like it. I have no idea what you're saying
Obama: This isn't getting us anywhere.
Noda: That's usually how these meetings end up
Obama: So! Do you want to risk the North Koreans firing the bomb.
Jintao: Of course not! Those idiots might use it on us
Jintao: But who are you to talk of nuclear proliferation? You let India and Pakistan get atomic weapons and they hate each others guts. They're right on our backyard too. And with the Russians in the north we've got missiles sticking up our noses and you say you're worried. Well you leave the worrying to us. We've got the North Koreans in our back pocket.
Obama: Well Bro! Sit on them!
Noda: Excuse me gentlemen. Why don't we order some food now?
Obama: OK! Good idea. I just hope there's no roasted poochies in it.
Jintao: Or hot mushrooms.
- Obama as Othello. A Shakespearean Parody : Act 6 Scene 2 - Celebrity Apprentice USA 2012
The scene is in an oppressive room somewhere in the massive Trump Tower. Two smartly-dressed business types sit on one side of a table. They wait expectantly but nervously for the opening of the door on the opposite wall.