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Ode To Poe: Oh Nasty, Smelly, Stained Carpet

Updated on December 1, 2010

You wreak upon me a havoc profound

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Oh nasty, smelly, stained carpet

Oh nasty, smelly, stained carpet

You are a dead Mammoth

In my abode

A dead Mammoth

That throngs of drunkards and

Poorly groomed dogs

Have micturated upon

Nasty, Smelly, Stained Carpet

Though I spent 48 hours washing you

Then spent the next 48

Pondering pouring 48 gallons of gasoline

Upon your shaggy, odoriferous and onerous rune

Yet no vaporous carpet flambeau

Could quell your sour scent

No distilled accelerant could disimbibe

Your horse breeding stains

Why do you taunt me so

With your textile of decay?

Oh nasty, smelly, stained carpet I abhor thee


Dedicated to my spirit brother Edgar Allen Poe.

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    • Ben Zoltak profile imageAUTHOR

      Ben Zoltak 

      8 years ago from Lake Mills, Jefferson County, Wisconsin USA

      Thanks marieryan! Someday, if my dream comes true, I will own my own home where I can tackle these sorts of hindrances and be done with them once and for all! I hope your kitchen sink sees better days! There's no helping this infernal carptet!

    • marieryan profile image

      Marie Ryan 

      8 years ago from Andalusia, Spain

      I really can empathize with you, Ben. I feel exactly the same about my disgusting kitchen sink!

    • Ben Zoltak profile imageAUTHOR

      Ben Zoltak 

      8 years ago from Lake Mills, Jefferson County, Wisconsin USA

      Here here! It's the world I live in!

    • Storytellersrus profile image

      Barbara 

      8 years ago from Stepping past clutter

      YES! Here's to poetry that elevates the mundane to poetic heights, bestowing it with undeserved grace.

    • Ben Zoltak profile imageAUTHOR

      Ben Zoltak 

      8 years ago from Lake Mills, Jefferson County, Wisconsin USA

      Thanks for the compliment RedElf!

    • RedElf profile image

      RedElf 

      8 years ago from Canada

      Too "Poe" for words! Love the way you write!

    • Ben Zoltak profile imageAUTHOR

      Ben Zoltak 

      8 years ago from Lake Mills, Jefferson County, Wisconsin USA

      I am humbly and courteously honored by your admiration niteriter. I'm very flattered, thanks for the encouragement, I need it! Ben

    • Niteriter profile image

      Niteriter 

      8 years ago from Canada

      Hey Ben, your ability to find the exact word for the moment has captured my admiration. You are a still water...

      "...throngs of drunkards and Poorly groomed dogs Have micturated upon..." One of the best turns of phrase I've encountered in a long time.

    • Ben Zoltak profile imageAUTHOR

      Ben Zoltak 

      8 years ago from Lake Mills, Jefferson County, Wisconsin USA

      MH: Yes, I used an industrial washer to clean it. Still seems dirty. I prefer wood floors, but I rent. It's like walking on a dirty animal, seriously.

    • MHilbert profile image

      MHilbert 

      8 years ago

      Gross! And that is why I make others vacuum the living room for me.

    • Ben Zoltak profile imageAUTHOR

      Ben Zoltak 

      8 years ago from Lake Mills, Jefferson County, Wisconsin USA

      Hahaaaa! If you saw it Green Lotus, you might be nonplussed.

    • Green Lotus profile image

      Hillary 

      8 years ago from Atlanta, GA

      I can smell it. Phhew

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