Put The Ring In His Nose

A friend is a person who knows you, but likes you anyway.

A friend knows what you're thinking, so you don't have to say it.

And a friend knows you'll understand why he didn't invite you to his wedding.

I'd just joined the group. Among others, I met Rich. Our meeting was random but our conversation fantastic. We parted aware we'd encountered someone we would know next year, and the year after.

This wasn't romance or poignant. It was meeting someone whose expressions, pauses and glances said as much to me as 2000 words.

And we knew it.

Rich and I never got into "Me 101". What we learned about each other came obliquely.

Because of his intellect, wide range of knowledge I thought he was a professional or in some managerial position. I didn't realise he had a low level job at a foreign embassy.

Over time it became clear that if he had been born to those would have invested a few dollars in him, he'd of breezed through university. But he was born to parents who couldn't be bothered, so grew up catch as catch can and made himself who he was.

He was in his late thirties, had been married, separated, and lived alone.

When it came to relationships, I'd have thought he'd be more careful. But I didn't appreciate raw economic need.

I didn't know how he had lived, what he wanted. Nor that he'd fallen into a situation where he saw a chance to just once have it all....as if all was negotiable currency.

I first time I saw her by the refreshment table after the meeting. Didn't think much of her. She wasn't attractive. Nothing, especially her attitude was attractive.

I was speaking with others when I saw him with her. I thought she was simply a friend of his as we occasionally bring someone to the venue. Sometimes, we take co-workers, relatives, or someone we are going to be with later.

I hadn't thought she held much significance as he put off no attraction to her.

You can tell when people are connected; how they look at each other, body language, etc. which I can that pretty well.

As he put off no vibe that this woman meant anything to him I thought she was just some btw character he'd brought along.

I had a life. Busy, pressured, with few breaks. I had a career which went as far or as near as I let it. But my life was never based on money.

There are others who aren't as lucky. Their financial condition controls every aspect. They must spend their lives counting pennies and saving gas to survive.

I never looked at a man's bank book before I assessed his character. I had friends who were rich, and others who were poor. My friendship had nothing to do with whether they could buy me a Rolex or couldn't afford a bus fare.

I had never been in a situation in which I would go out with the guy in the Benz because I needed him to pay my rent.

I suppose I was blessed.

I later learned the woman Rich had brought to the function had money and position. Although she was incredibly unattractive, resembling the PIllsbury dough boy and had the personality of a fascist, he saw the money, he saw the chance.

She was the kind of person who did not speak to or with you, she made pronouncements. Her views were culminations. Others were not allowed to own differing opinions.

But she had money.

Why and how he got involved is obvious. She had money. And before I could say 'Hey!' she was pregnant.

We were driving in Jack's car and deep in conversation, when out of nowhere Rich began a diatribe about how much he disliked the concept of marriage. I knew she was demanding a ring. I knew he was doomed.

Rich woman, pregnant, wants to get married to a poor man; did he have a choice?

The next week she had taken him home to meet her family. I imagine seeing the splendor he would never have without her, being the incentive for his actions.

A few weeks later I was having coffee with Linny. We were chatting easily, when in a by the way manner, she mentioned the wedding two days ago.

I didn't say anything.

I'd spoken to Rich that very morning, he hadn't said a word about a wedding. In fact I'd spoken to him on Wednesday... the day of the ceremony. He hadn't even hinted what he intended to do that evening.

After Linny's revelation I went outside, lit a cigarette and didn't feel anything. Not hurt, not angry, not insulted. Nothing.

I explored my non feeling as if it were a fossil I'd found under the tree.

Interestingly, I saw him and his wife an hour later. We greeted, little amenities as always. I said nothing to him or her about the wedding. They didn't say anything either.

I suppose that's why we're friends..

He knew if I had come to his wedding, I couldn't help but think, 'put the ring in his nose".

He didn't need me to be there and see his humiliation.

When our eyes touched he knew I was aware. I nodded, it was alright.