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Random thoughts from a random mind

Updated on February 13, 2013

There are times my mind takes a turn, a turn onto a path that is not well traveled, and leads to deep, dark places full of mystery and a hint of, well silliness, I suppose. I have no idea why; perhaps I have a touch of ADD, or ADHD, or some other acronym composed of many letters strung together to make a doctor proud, and to make him appear to be more intelligent to us mere mortals. The better to charge you more, my dear. See what I mean? They just appear, in no formal order, and plop, land on the sidewalk oozing along like the blob Steve McQueen tried to kill on the big screen.

Well, here goes. in no particular order, (and with no reason whatsoever) a peek inside the mind of me.

Names I wouldn't want to be saddled with. Some of these are real; some made up. Try to decide which are which, and at the end I will tell you which are and which are not tacked to some poor soul walking the face of the Earth.

Lyvonia Mitchell. Yup, Lyvonia. Real or made up?

Betty Dont

William Makitt

Seymor Butts

I. M. Hipp

Dick Sharp

Hunter Fisher

Benjamin Dover

Ivory White

All right, can you spot the real names? Here goes:

Ivory White - real man. I went to college with him. He ran track for the school, and he was fast! Had to be; he was a black man with that name. I mean, come on momma! What were you thinking?

Hunter Fisher - made up. But, I ran across two names side by side the other day, one had a first name of Hunter and the next had a last name of Fisher. Pretty close, and it sounded good.

Benjamin Dover - real. Doesn't sound too bad until you shorten it. Ben Dover. Poor boy, can you imagine? "Hey, Ben! Ben Dover!"

Lyvonia Mitchell - Real. He played pro football for years with the St. Louis Cardinals. Yes, Virginia they had a football team named that. Better known as Stump Mitchell. (I'd go by Stump too!)

I. M. Hipp - Real. Another football player, he played for Nebraska back in the 70's I think. He was cool; course you had to be if you was hipp!

William Makit - Made up. Willie Make It. Get it?

Betty Dont - Made up. Bet He Don't. (goes with will he make it)

Seymor Butts - I don't know. I always thought it was made up, but an internet search leads me to believe someone out there really IS named See More Butts. Wow.

Dick Sharp - Real. Kinda. My dad. Real name Clifford. He was the smallest and youngest of the three brothers, and was called "Dink" for years. Dink became Dick, and the rest, as they say, is history. Not too bad until you turn the name around like in school, and say the last name first, first name last, then you end up with....

Stupid book titles from my youth.

Tiger's Revenge by Claude Balls

Yellow River by I. P. Freeley

100 Yards to the Outhouse by Willie Makitt, Illustrated by Betty Dont (there ya go!)

Under The Bleachers by Seymor Hiney (Sorry! Couldn't bring myself to use the other name here!)

I told you I was random!

Why does a river have a bed? It never sleeps.

Why do the largest Largemouth Bass have to be females? Is it because they have the largest mouths?

I once had a man tell me that his daughter, who was on a high school marching band, was getting better. I asked at what. He replied at walking and playing the trumpet at the same time. He couldn't understand why I laughed as hard as I did. The more I laughed, the madder he got, which made me laugh until I was crying. Finally, I settled down enough to tell him that I hoped they could walk and play at the same time, as they were a marching band, after all. Finally, a smile.

If Barry Manilow writes the songs, why didn't he write the song "I Write The Songs"?

I had this thought in reference to a comment made on one of my hubs regarding our dear Barack Obama. The commenter wondered where we would be if the Prez didn't take all of his trips everywhere, free golfing excursions, vacations, his wife's shopping sprees and such, to which I replied "Barack in Black?" Then I thought Wow, that would be a great song for ACDC to sing!!!

Exactly how long will it be until the Hispanics outnumber the White population in the United States? And will they continue to be called the minority? If not, does that mean the Whites will become a minority; and will we then get all the free stuff they had?

Remember when Hot Dog buns came in packages of 8, and Hot Dogs in 10? Then, we lost 2 dogs, but paid the same price. How the hell did that happen? And why?

If Subway footlongs aren't 12 inches long, do we need to next look at foot long chili dogs at Sonic? When will the madness end!? Stop lying about how long something is, people!

A couple of my favorite one liners from comedian Steven Wright. "The other day I spilled spot remover on my dog; now he's gone." "I went to the store and bought dehydrated water. When I got home I didn't know what to add." "It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it." "I'm living on a one way, dead end street." Aren't we all.

As an end, I am the type of person who can have 4 aces in a poker game..... and lose to a Royal Flush. Yep, that's me.


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    • Mr Archer profile imageAUTHOR

      Mr Archer 

      5 years ago from Missouri

      Why thank you Ms. Amy! I worry about myself at times; I go places and wonder how I got there. This was one of those places. And speaking of places, where was YOUR mind when speaking about measuring things? Ooooooohhhhhhhhhh! And I am glad I'm not boring! You take care up there, y'hear?

    • Amy Becherer profile image

      Amy Becherer 

      5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Hilarious, Mr. Archer, and I'd say you have the mind of a storyteller extraordinaire. As for your dad's name, it made me think of a P.I. and I like his classy name far more than "Magnum, P.I.!" As far as wandering minds, I laughed when I read your statement advising people to stop lying about the length of things! Well, you catch my drift...

      Thank you for a very entertaining, enjoyable read, Mr. Archer. Though I'm no shrink, I'd say your mind works perfectly normal, just not boringly so. Awesome!

    • Mr Archer profile imageAUTHOR

      Mr Archer 

      5 years ago from Missouri

      Thank you Ms. Brown. Yes, we have to wonder just what could have possibly been on their minds. My favorite, if you can call it that, is Ben Dover. I had a bus driver give me a ridership list for their bus at a school district I worked for, and this name was on it. I sent them back to verify it, and it was real! Who would name their child Ben Dover??? I mean really, if ever there was a child to be bullied, that was it! And yours.... pajamas? Atari? Ima Hogg? And we wonder at the resentment felt for parents these days. Take care and thanks again!

    • sgbrown profile image

      Sheila Brown 

      5 years ago from Southern Oklahoma

      This is really a very entertaining hub! This takes me back to my days working at the Dept. of Human Services. We came across some really unusual names such as, the woman who said she saw this name in a catalog and like the way it sounded...pajamas. Yep, she named her child pajamas! Then there was the little boy named Atari. There was an older lady who name was Ima Hogg, I kid you not! I can't forget Lil Piggee and Doggie Skelton. You do have to wonder what their parents were thinking when they named their children! Cute hub, voted up and funny!

    • Mr Archer profile imageAUTHOR

      Mr Archer 

      5 years ago from Missouri

      I remember the Moose book! And I love your names: Poor Harry! I went online to see some other names kids have had to endure, and two that caught my eye were Chevy Hotrod and Dodge Hemi (they were brothers - go figure). What do these parents think their child will go through because of their choice of names? Thanks for the stop and comment. I appreciate both, Becky. Take care.

    • Becky Katz profile image

      Becky Katz 

      5 years ago from Hereford, AZ

      Funny and enjoyable. Here are some that I have actually known the people with these names. Harry Butts; he went by Jinx. Candy Cane; her momma must have had a sweet tooth. Candy Barr; her momma was skinny as a rail but had a definite love for Hershey's.

      As for book names; Antlers in the Tree Top by He Who Goosed a Moose.

    • Mr Archer profile imageAUTHOR

      Mr Archer 

      5 years ago from Missouri

      What makes it even better, is that it really happened. Thanks, Bill. Have a great day.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Great lines! I'm still laughing about the marching band member. I would have been laughing too. LOL Great fun, Mike!


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