ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Ready for the Strip Club

Updated on October 8, 2011
Ready for the Strip Club
Ready for the Strip Club | Source

It’s not too much of a stretch to say that all of Doof Derf’s 20th year on this planet — plus perhaps a few other years prior as well — has been building up to this very evening . . .

For today happens to be the occasion of the 21st anniversary of the day of Doof’s birth, and tonight at exactly 8:00 pm local time, the doors to The Pink Pussycat will open to customers. Among those customers queuing along the dank and darkening alley throughout the next several hours will be this brightly beaming boy and a few of his panting and playfully perverse friends. And inside those doors await not only the overpriced liquid refreshment of watery well-liquor drinks of one’s choice (two drink minimum required), and the odd stray cut-glass dish of stale mini-pretzels or peanuts, but also the startlingly stimulating vision of multiple mirrored gyrating and naked — except for lurid exceedingly high-heeled shoes — full-frontally luscious lady physiques.

Doof has prepared well.

In his already-sweating palms he grips more than $50 in fresh George Washingtons (making their journey in the space of less than a day from the grilled teller window of The Boise Bank & Trust on Herndon to the various pink and black and silver snap-garters of young, aspiring and acquisitive female dancers). Upon his moderately buff no-longer-teenage torso, he has arrayed his best sleeveless knit of multi-hued pastel nubbing. Though not particularly intended to take a crease, his nearly new stripe check sweatpants have been starched and pressed to within an inch of their lives. The bottle of Brut that he had been saving in the dusty back left lower corner of his closet since his First Communion lo these many years ago was ceremoniously uncorked, with nearly a quarter of its contents plashed about his pecs and pits and neck and nape and nether region (what's that all about?).

Yep. You might say that Doof’s been champin’ at the bit.

Yet for all his adolescent avidity in anticipation of tonight’s adult entertainment, Doof has for years assiduously avoided all of the more readily available displays of bared female flesh. He has left the room blushing each and every time any of his teenage buddies brought out a dad’s hidden stash of spreadeagled-honey mags. For Doof there were no trips to the drive-in for such summer Saturday sizzlers as Caught Coeds, or Big Night at Sin Beach, or How I Learned to Like My Mother-In-Law in One Weekend. When it seemed that the entire male contingent of his senior class was captivated by the tiny display of ancient French postcards in the curtained back room of Cosmic Comix, Doof was noticeably absent.

Remarkably, since the advent of the internet and the sprouting of laptops in virtually every classroom and home, Doof has not once visited any website rated XXX or XX or even merely X. The charmingly innocent lad has refused to sully his first wondrous enjoyment of the flaunted live female form with any of the baser, more orgiastic, or crudely animalistic presentations abounding.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)