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Roller Coaster
Click below to hear me read this poem.
You assume I’ll always ride the ride
My love of anticipation guarantees
Clackety, clackety
Climbing over questionable rails and beams
Excitement building, smile broadening
Fingers wrap tight, jaw clenches
Perfection at the precipice
The butterflies halt their wings
Then down, rush, wind, speed, adrenaline
My gut takes a seat in my chest
My breath is captive, as in death
Dropping, dropping the thrill is killing me
Not up, not down, hanging between realities
Sweet, sweet agony this, too long
Swoosh, to earth, the aftermath
Over so soon, I want to go again
Maybe a different roller coaster this time
But, not yours
I don’t want to get on yours
Your highs, where your smile disarms the masses
Lively eyes sparkle and distract
And your sorrowful pout begs forgiveness
Are not worth the lows, where rusty wheels
Scream on tired tracks
Unseen Thrushes whip my legs
Forgotten angry branches
Knock the happiness from my lungs
I haven’t the energy for it any more
I wish you well from where I stand
I harbor no ill thoughts
but I will not participate
I won’t ride it
Anymore.
Comments
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Thank you QuidsiaP1, that sweet of you to say. :)
You are very talented. :)
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So glad howcurecancer!
I love it!
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Yea, used to be married to one of those lively, interesting people. The doctors don't call it clinical roller coaster... but they might as well. You like my puzzle poems; some hate it when I do that.
Well I'm more partial to your more recent roller-coasterish poem (the one that had me a little frazzled trying to figure it all out), but this one has merits too. I especially like the comparison of highs and lows to a person's personality spectrum. Some of the most lively, interesting people can be real monsters when their moods shift. "Rusty wheels scream on tired tracks" -- that says it all.
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Lisa if you like roller coasters, you should try zip lining, that's fun!
omg it is just fun ahahahahahah
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Thanks BlackReign, I'm glad you approve!
^5 Loved this one you are a very talented poet :-)I will be reading more ~hugs~
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Thanks for dropping by osci. I'm pleased you're captivated. You are welcome to email me your suggestions, but unless it makes this easier to read or understand, I probably won't change it, at this late date. (wow, hows that for a run on sentence)
This is such a captivating poem.
"The butterflies halt their wings
Then down, rush, wind, speed, adrenaline
My gut takes a seat in my chest
My breath is captive, as in death"
The only recommendation I would make is perhaps playing with bold, italics, different sizes...I'd love to send a reformatted suggestion to you but won't troll your post with it unless invited.
Keep it up!
Y.T.,
osci
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Leaving me with just a stub... yep. Thanks for the fun comment. I have heard that line before, and also, "I promise the ride will be longer next time." lol.
With some guys you have to stand in line, then they just tear the ticket to your soul in half, leaving you just a stub,
You always wind up taking a back seat, when all you wanted was to be in the very front of his journey. It all goes way too fast, with a tinge of fear and regret, especially when you start coming down off of cloud nine's vicious slope.
Too many twists and turns, throwing you aside, and then you have to get off, when you no longer want to...lol...love the metaphor, I could keep it up all night, but then you've heard that line before...LMAO~~~MFB III
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Thanks Mighty Mom. Tonight I'm working on a poem inspired by you. We'll see if I get it done. :)
Hard to imagine a woman alive who hasn't been on this dizzying, sickening ride. I used to climb on willingly, stagger off, swearing "never again" then miss the drama so bad I'd go back for another round.
It takes courage to finally say, "No more." Glad you were able to turn your experience into a powerful poem. Bravo!
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I know! Huh?
uh...whoa.
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Brenda I'm a slow learner. My last ride went on for twenty years.
If you dont want to ride then just dont ride
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Thanks for stopping by Mella, always nice to see your toes.
Nicely done Randy!
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Hey Blonde. I choose to think they are all going to be "ups." To bad I don't always have the last word.
I am with you Randy, great poem, life is also so much like a roller coaster every day you don't know whether it is going to be up or down
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I'm glad it inspired you AIDY. Its a lesson I've had to learn more than once. I decided you can forgive the person even care deeply for the person without agreeing to get back on.
Nice Randy. So true, the ups and the downs of a relationship...I agree sometimes not worth the ride. Very powerful poem, RB. I feel really inspired by it.
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I aim to please Trooper. Glad you liked this one.
Never been ridden before Chris? That sounds dangerous, Is it an "E" ride?
(Carnival music is heard. A carnival "barker" cries out:) Step right up folks! Who will be the first brave soul to ride the newest, fastest, most exciting roller coaster on the planet...The Screaming Reilly! The thrills! The chills! Be the first to ride! How 'bout you, lady? Wanna ride the Screaming Reilly?
Well done Randy....THE Hips are back!!! I Love the hips :)
I don't hang around the hub as much either...different vibe these days.....and have been busy too.
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Well thank you BC. I didn't think it was, but others concur. I'm glad you like it.
Deff your best piece of writing to date RB, very vivid and raw, really liked it.
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Hi R.Blue! All is well. Hope you are well too. No, I don't play around hubpages as much as I used to. Guess I don't need the escape, now that I have escaped.
Thank you NT.
Hi Tom, thanks for coming by and commenting. I'm glad you liked this one. On a real roller coaster its the up thats in question, the down is always fabulous. :)
That "Anymore" just rings out at the end! Nice pictures, great rhythm - a poem full of feeling and magic. Yet the nature of the roller coaster is always that of ups and downs, and the question is always, "Is the up worth the down." Well done.
Wow. Nice imagery. Powerful.
I hear you RB.....I guess I have more insight to read between your lines...Never hear from you anymore......assuming all is well. Your #1 fan.
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Thank you for coming by and commenting. More in the works.
Hi, I'm a first time caller .. Ah.. I would like to say this epitomizes relationships in its true form. Bravo. Well said, described and emoted. Look forward to hearing more.
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A lot of them tend to make me throw up though PM. What's a girl to do?
Wishing you more fun at the amusement park. Plenty of other rides out there. Excellent job. :)
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Thanks Hawsdream! I'm glad you could "see" what I wrote.
Thanks Candie, you are always welcome on my hubs :)
Chris, You once said, your favorite poetry was the kind you could understand. LOL. This one doesn't need cliff notes. Thanks for commenting.
Randy: Powerfully emotive and to the point. Thanks for sharing it.
Cabin Girl floats in and out on the tide!
I came back to read this again.. It is really good!
Glad to hear you are good, I am well and as for the Captain he has decided to retire which is why I have returned to run the Wild Imagination. I just hope a lowly Cabin Girl can steer a more straight and narrow course than the Captain. I wish you a good weekend, you are a talented lady, I bid you a bon voyage until your next poem.
Randy, you are a poet! such visuals contained within these words. Great stuff.
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Yes Cabin Girl I am well. I hope you are happy and healthy also, truly. And I hope you are keeping that Captain of yours on the straight and narrow.
"I don’t want to get on yoursYour highs, where your smile disarms the massesLively eyes sparkle and distractAnd your sorrowful pout begs forgivenessAre not worth the lows, where rusty wheels Scream on tired tracks"
Powerful words RB, meaningful as always, hope life finds you well !
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Thanks Laughing Mom, you're the only one that got Cherry Pie wasn't supposed to be sexual. LOL.
For me it's a toss-up between this one and Cherry Pie. They both hit a chord--in a BIG way!
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Hi Candie, I think perhaps I've hit a common chord here.
Frieda I'm surprised. I guess that's why we publish here so other writers can tell us when we are on our game or not. Thanks so much.
Oh I totally know so. OMG. I'm so serious. Man! Those emotions were THERE and so perfectly expressed. The sounds, the sights, the whole ride... I felt it.
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Wow, really? You think so Frieda? I'm so glad you liked it. :)
Yep, Yep, Yep.. ditto KCC, ditto Frieda. Not worth the price of the ticket!
I breathed out, so satisfied and relived, at the last line. Awesome. This has to be your best one yet. Aaahkh. Wow.
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I'm a slow learner KCC. Thanks for commenting, you're speedy.
I love it, RB! So true isn't it? How some relationships just aren't worth the ride!
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