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Smiley (with the Feathery Eyelashes)

Updated on July 13, 2011
Smiley (with the Feathery Eyelashes)
Smiley (with the Feathery Eyelashes) | Source

To all our viewers, welcome back to our program! We appreciate your partaking of the preceding brief commercial interlude, and are grateful for any support you might show our valued sponsors. On behalf of my fellow hostess, Brianna Honor Backside, let me say that we are very glad you are back with us once again, as we continue our in-depth coverage of “Why Smiley (with the Feathery Eyelashes) Should Be So Darn Popular”.

If you happen to have tuned in to our show over the preceding 7 weeks, then you know what we are all about. Ours is the only in-your-face hard-hitting late-breaking in-depth take-no-prisoners investigatory celebrity sound-bite cable news program devoted to determining why that sizzling cinema heartthrob, Smiley Putz, is — dare I say it? — so darn popular!

Of course, you’d have to have lived under a rock for the past 18 months not to have noticed the phenomenon that’s electrifying the entire entertainment media. Some have taken to calling it Putzmania: Smiley Putz simultaneously on the covers of GQ and Time and Newsweek and Good Housekeeping and Scientific American. Smiley’s newest CD topping the charts. Smiley downloads by the millions. Both Murder She Wrote and Fonzie Loves Chachi being reinserted into the failing and flailing networks’ prime-time weekday schedule, just so Smiley Putz can be cast into all-new episodes. Smiley and Barack at the Brandenburg Gate. A new line of Smileywear at the Milan show. Smiley twitter-feeds exceeding those of Ashton Kutcher and Shaquille O’Neal and Lady Gaga combined. The runaway success of the third volume in Smiley’s boffo autobiographical series: Smiley, the Sophomore Year. The roll-out of the new Smiley Levi’s Lexus. And the list goes on and on and on and on.

And on.

So, just WHAT IS IT that makes this fresh new sensation so — um — sensational?

Well, last week Brianna took us all on a non-stop thrill ride through the 17-room master closet of Smiley’s sprawling Cancun getaway, to explore and explain how those stunning clothes have helped make the man what he is today. Thank you, Brianna! (Wonderful piece!)

And who could forget two weeks ago, when our Special Penultimate Penetrating Paparazzo, Philippé, shared his vibrant video montage of Smiley’s many limo-dismounts. (By the way, for those who may have missed it, we will be airing a special expanded version of Philippé’s emotional composition later this evening at 9 p.m. Eastern, 8 p.m. Central on our sister channel, WTF-34.)

Also, earlier this season, we explored the dramatic range conveyed by Smiley’s varied roles with such stars as The Muppets, Christian Bale, Hillary Duff and Wes Craven.

But tonight, in commemoration of our First Anniversary of covering the dynamic Mr. Putz, we return to a topic we first covered in our premier episode: “What’s With Those Feathery Eyelashes?” Join our celebrity panel — the noted stylist-to-the-Stars, Glory Ackney; fave fashion photog phenom, Fils Fassbender; and direct by satellite from Osaka, Japan: the Land of the Rising Sun’s top cosmetic consultant, Foo Faraw — as they reveal, once and for all, the secrets of Smiley’s lovely and finely-fringed lashes!

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