ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Books, Literature, and Writing»
  • Books & Novels

The Eby Way Process

Updated on December 29, 2009

First step to emotional healing

Everyday I spend considerable time working with people who are experiencing significant emotional pain. The basic lesson, I’ve learned from more that 40 years of helping others, is that people can’t change until they face their stressful feelings openly and honestly.

My knowledge of emotional healing principles began many years ago with the practice of social work in 1970. Twenty years later I discovered that these principles transcend the boundaries of social work, and they are very useful to anyone wanting to improve their life.

What sets social work apart as a profession from psychology, psychiatry, the ministry, and medicine is the importance it places on our emotions and treatment of all facets of a person’s well-being. A person (we social workers believe), is an expression of mind, feelings, body, spirit, and environment.

What I’ve learned in my clinical practice is that feelings must be faced openly and honestly before other aspects of personality and living can be adequately treated. Feelings are the doorway to recovery and equal in importance to mind, body, spirit, or environment.

To heal, stressful emotions must be faced, released, and replaced with positive emotions. This is the first basic theory I began to study and write about back in 1991. Healing or recovery means the ability to experience an increase in the quality of life without constant pain, suffering, and destruction to self or others.

This does not mean we won’t experience illness, old age, loss of income, loss of relationships, or other human hardships; but the pain and constant misery can stop. In addition, our clients who suffer from mental illness, homelessness, addictions, and child welfare issues, can experience a healthier way of living.

My definition of healing and recovery therefore applies to the power we do have to respond and overcome any human hardship. It can be manifested in any form that is positive: such as, abstinence from addictions; intimacy in relationships; more prosperity, job satisfaction, and parenting skills; rehabilitation from injury or crime; or better physical, mental, and emotional health.

Positive emotions include five basic feelings which will always uplift and heal: peace, hope, gratitude, forgiveness, and love. Stressful feelings will include five core emotions that can serve us or destroy us: anger, sadness, fear, guilt, and worry.

I am only focusing on these ten feelings because I believe they cause the most difficulty for people under pressure. After we learn how to handle these basic emotions, then we can advance to dealing with many variations.

The world is complex and we know terrible problems exist. My theory is a most hopeful one. It doesn’t deny hardships, but it does suggest that the negative can always be overcome by the power of the positive.

Consider for a moment, walking into a dark room and turning on the light. What happens to the darkness? It goes away, right? So I am suggesting that when we turn on positive emotions within, it pushes the darkness and resistance to change away from us. But if we avoid the pain, or deny it, the dark secrets take over.

When a person is overwhelmed with stress, it is very difficult to feel hopeful or look for positive solutions. Stress exists when we feel angry, sad, fearful, guilty, or worried, or have a sense of numbness and shock. These emotions are actually designed to help us survive, but when they get out of hand they can destroy us through psychological and physical illness.

For example, anger is okay and a very normal response to a perceived threat or attack; anger is not okay when it turns into rage which seeks to destroy another person or ourselves. Sadness is a normal response to loss, and we are all going to lose things in our life time; but sadness is not okay when it turns into depression which makes us want to isolate, withdraw, and sleep life away.

Fear teaches us to be careful about doing things that may hurt us like putting our hand on a hot stove; fear can destroy by paralyzing us to the point that we never do the things we should, because we are afraid somebody will reject of hurt us.

Guilt tells us we made a serious mistake, and we can learn from our mistakes; we can’t learn when guilt turns into shame, which stops us from caring about ourselves or others. Finally, worry tells us we need to take action on some unresolved problem; too much worry overwhelms and prevents us from taking any action.

These stressful feelings cause a physical tension and natural body response psychologists call the “flight, flee, and freeze” response. Unless we release this stress, we become a prisoner to this automatic body response, and our mind will fail to find more appropriate solutions 

Furthermore, our subconscious mind apparently controls these automatic reactions to stress. If we can face or verbalize this stress or pain, we give our conscious mind time to consider other more hopeful possibilities.

My primary theory about healing and recovery suggests that once we are more aware of our emotions, and allow ourselves to experience their discomfort for a while, this in fact opens a doorway to the conscious mind to use intellect to reverse or control choices and our behavior.

If we block the feelings, numb them by mood-altering substances, project them on others, or just plain run from them, the subconscious mind will seduce us into making bad life decisions.

A corollary to this theory follows that just thinking positive thoughts isn’t good enough to reverse stressful emotions; one must use thoughts which trigger positive feelings to override the negative ones. An additional corollary is that to heal and remain in recovery, one can dispense with most thoughts altogether, and simply hold on to more positive emotions, pleasant images, and good experiences.

It is also important to note, that most people find change to be exceedingly difficult. There is much wisdom in the old saying, “practice makes perfect.” More importantly, verbalizing our emotions is the first step to overcoming the barriers to change, health, happiness, and recovery from self-destructive behaviors.

The Eby Way Video

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • qlcoach profile image
      Author

      Gary Eby 6 years ago from Cave Junction, Oregon

      Happyboomernurse: I'm glad you see the power in this emotional recovery process. Thanks for taking the time to check it out and leave a supportive comment. Here's to finding the balance between mind, body, and spirit. Namaste...Gary.

    • Happyboomernurse profile image

      Gail Sobotkin 6 years ago from South Carolina

      I agree that feelings are vitally important to healing and that stressful emotions must be faced, released, and replaced with positive emotions for healing to occur.

    • profile image

      timberland waterproof 8 years ago

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: "https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr"

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)