The Forgotten Sister - Chapter 7

7 May

I finally had a bad one. It was a wake me up sweaty, heart pounding, old fashioned nightmare. It was so bad I stayed up the rest of the night. It makes me a bit queasy to even think about it long enough to get it into my journal.

Have you ever played around with a can of aerosol powered food such as whip cream or soft cheese? It just kind of fills up your mouth in a hurry, almost like trying to take a drink from a garden hose on full blast. That was my bad dream. Something was filling my mouth under pressure and I had no control over it. I could feel my cheeks bulging out with the pressure and it started to be hard to get my breath. Then the substance began to harden making it almost impossible to breathe at all. That’s when the panic really set in. I stuck my fingers in my mouth to try to pull it out but more kept coming in to replace it like a magician with a sleeve full of colored scarves that goes on and on. I just kept digging and digging bringing more and more of it, whatever it was, out of my mouth and dumping it on the ground. Then I woke up in a cold sweat, my heart pounding in my ears.

Lisbeth was nowhere in sight in this dream. Just me and the stuff in my mouth.

8 May

Today is the day I have my second appointment with Dr. Koenig and turn in my dream journal. He read it for a few minutes and took some notes and this is our conversation that followed.

"I’m very pleased with your journal. You obviously took the task seriously and you’ve had very good results with it."

"The dream I had last night was really bad so how can we call that good?"

"It probably seems a bit counter-intuitive at this point in your understanding but towards the end of our session I will explain the "goodness" in it."

"You came to see me initially because you were having frequent dreams about your sister that were disturbing, correct?"

"Yes, I wanted them to stop."

"Have you had anymore bad dreams about Lizbeth?"

"No, but…."

"Dream therapy is not going to mean that you never, ever will have a disturbing dream again. It just means that you will understand better what your dreams are telling you and that understanding will change your perception of them."

"So, how about the good dream I had about Lizbeth? What’s that mean?"

"What does sharing a pleasant task, laughing and being at ease with a person mean to you, Camilla?"

"It means that everything is fine, ok, that we’re in synch."

"Dream language is highly symbolic, Camilla. Dreams often use universal symbols that we refer to as archetypes. I firmly believe that the most significant archetype is the one that speaks most clearly to you in your own symbolic language. In essence, we, each of us, holds the key to unlocking the meaning in our dreams."

"So, this dream of baking cookies together represents a shift in my associations regarding Lizbeth from negative to positive?"

"You experienced a very traumatic confrontation with Lizbeth that created a strong negative association with her but deep in your subconscious you had many more positive associations that were able to come forward once you began journaling. Handwriting is a powerful tool for opening up the critical mind. You may have also created a phobia association with Camilla if your blood sugar was low at the time of your confrontation. Your extreme avoidance behavior regarding Lizbeth suggests that as an additional problem that may need to be addressed with hypnotherapy. I’m encouraged that you’ve made your whereabouts known via Facebook so you may have released that phobia too. Let’s wait and see for now."

"What does the critical mind do?"

"It serves as a sort of association shock absorber. It allows in new associations, either positive or negative, but resists sudden changes in order to create a stable personality. Sometimes the critical mind works a bit too well and associations get stuck in there and are very hard to change, like smoking, for instance."

"What about the dreams I had about Lars and our life together? What was happening there? Was I purging my grief?"

"Did it feel like that to you? Are you more at peace with Lars’ passing?"

"Yes, I am."

"You are starting to understand your dreams better now I think."

"How can I quell another really bad one like the dream I had last night?"

"You have the power to step into your dreams and watch them as an observer instead of being the person in the dream. Try writing this in your journal at least 25 times: When my dreams become frightening I have the option of watching them through a window."

"Thank you so much Dr. Koenig. I’ll try that. My dream life is already lots better.

.....to be continued

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