The High Price of a College Education: Can we Stop Making Stupid People Famous, Already?

Taylor Swift, Britney Spears, and the Jonas Brothers—all celebrities who came from small hometowns and didn’t have time in their busy career lives to attend college. Their lives are rich and fabulous and they’re hardly old enough to drive. They’re the object of envy and the passion of the tabloids. And their little small town lives were scooped up and chosen for stardom. They have achieved the Great American Dream.

It is much more entertaining to learn about the lives of successful celebrities than it is to put forth the massive effort that it takes to do something major that might, someday, bring about success. There is no guarantee in hard work. Consider the cost and effort of college. It is too draining. It is, of course, so much easier to sit on the couch eating Cheetos—who doesn’t love Cheetos—than it is to actually attend class and commit the time and energy to something so strenuous as homework. Why bother, when all it takes is a little small-town gumption and the will that someday, some movie producer or record executive will find you and instantly find significance in your talent. A little work, then, would of course be worth the time and effort. Anyone would find the time to sit in a recording studio if they were being paid millions of dollars for a best-selling single. And that’s what happens, if you are patient enough to wait.

The dream is better than the work. Besides, being accepted into a major university presents more problems than it solves. The cost of education is simply too high. A student loan that costs more than a house is a daunting problem, especially when most degrees nowadays will only help you into a position at the local Starbucks. It’s better than serving fries, as you at least get tips, but no one wants to be the prized barrista at a coffee shop. And why work so hard learning Calculus and understanding the significance of the God figure in To Kill a Mocking Bird? What is the value in that when you could instead be shopping at the most expensive boutiques in the world with the media footing the bill? Imagine the photos, turning up on the Sexiest Women list in US Magazine, right next to Kim Kardashian (is she still the sexiest? Why is she famous again?).

People sure have a lot to learn if they intend to get anywhere in life. It’s better to stay at home, comfortably on the couch, with Mom in the kitchen cooking fried chicken, waiting to be picked as the next extra in the upcoming hillbilly movie than it is to pay the fortune (in money and sweat) for college. Besides, there are more movie roles than there are jobs for recent graduates. It’s the only way to be sure.