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The Irish Sense of Humor

Updated on May 10, 2014

The Table

In Ireland we have car boot sales similar to yard sales. A man telephones his friend and asks him for a loan of a table.

He asks "What size is the table?"

His friend says "It is two feet square".

The first man says "It is not very big".

The friend says :"It is two feet bigger than the one you have!!"

This is a useful tale to tell someone who is criticizing you and not doing anything themselves.

Remember: Someone has to be doing something to be criticized. The person criticizing is more often than not doing nothing when (s)he has time to criticize.

The Lilt of Irish Laughter

We have probably all heard the saying "Laugh and the world laughs with you;cry and you cry alone". There is some truth in this. A sense of humor is a gift that those of us who have it should be grateful for. Those of us who don't have a well-developed sense of humor would do well to focus on cultivating one.

Sometimes we lose our sense of humor and getting it back has to be a priority. Indeed,some "black comedy" when we are dealing with hard times makes a rocky road much easier traveled.

The stories in this hub are true. They are from my own experience or hearsay from others with funny (and wise) stories to tell.

The Sheep

A butcher meets a draper and they have the following conversation:

Draper:That lamb I bought from you last week was no good. It shrunk to half it's size when it was

Butcher: The sweater I bought from you was the same. It shrunk to half it's size when it was washed. They must have come from the same sheep!!

The Apples

A man delivering fruit to a shop goes in with a box of apples. The shopkeeper says:" Those apples are no good. Get me a different box." The man leaves the shop, walks around the lorry with the same box of apples and goes into the shop again. The shopkeeper says" Yes. those apples are much better. I'll take them!!"

The Turf Spade

The Bartender

Two men are drinking in a rather rough pub in Ireland one evening. One of the men is a very quiet gentleman and he notices that his glass has a chip in it. He wants another glass so he timidly tells the barmaid: "This glass has a chip in it"She answers loudly "Turn the glass around son or you'll cut the mouth off yourself!!

Some Irish sayings you might like

You get used to anything...only hanging!!

To change the subject say:"It'll be a nice day tomorrow if it doesn't rain"

"A farmer is a man outstanding in his own field"

The Smoothie

One day, a woman made a fruit smoothie with an apple and a banana in a blender for a man. When he finished it, he asked her how to make it. She told him to put the fruit and some orange juice in a blender-as simple as that. He asks her:"Do you take the skin off the banana?"

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The Gift of a Sense of Humor

In Stephen King's novel "Dolores Claiborne" her husband's lack of a sense of humor was described as follows:she thought a sense of humor was like having a nose or a mouth-that everybody had one.

We all know that everyone doesn't have the same sense of humor and some folk don't have any at all. The good news is that we can develop our sense of humor by indulging it. It can help us through difficult times and enrich us in good times. The gift of laughter is indeed the best medicine and it is often said that it is good to be able to laugh at ourselves. I hope you enjoyed reading these funny stories which are actually true and I look forward to writing another hub like this when I have more Irish humor to share with you.Cheers!!


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    • Kate Mc Bride profile image

      Kate McBride 2 years ago from Donegal Ireland

      Very good Demas. Thanks for this.

      Paddy says to Mick: Why do you have an empty milkbottle in the fridge. Mick replies: In case some visitor wants a black coffee you twat.

      Paddy says to Mick: Why are you talking into an envelope.

      Mick replies: I'm sending a voicemail.

      Got these off facebook. It is good craic. Are you on facebook Demas?

    • Perspycacious profile image

      Demas W Jasper 2 years ago from Today's America and The World Beyond

      The bartender heeded the man's wife's threat to have him beaten up, if he gave her husband more than one alcoholic drink on his way home from work each night.

      Having told the woman's husband about his one drink limit, the barkeep gave him his one drink and the man went home.

      The next night the man came in lugging a piece of asphalt, and told the proprietor, "I'll have that one for me, and one more for the road."

    • Kate Mc Bride profile image

      Kate McBride 2 years ago from Donegal Ireland

      Cheers for your feedback Venus-I appreciate it.


    • Venus Rivera profile image

      Daisy Rivera 2 years ago from Chicago, IL

      I enjoy reading your hubs- thank you for sharing these wonderful stories. I found the smoothie joke to be a funny one.:)

    • Kate Mc Bride profile image

      Kate McBride 2 years ago from Donegal Ireland

      That's good

    • C.V.Rajan profile image

      Disillusioned 2 years ago from Kerala, India

      Enjoyed them!

    • Kate Mc Bride profile image

      Kate McBride 3 years ago from Donegal Ireland

      Glad you like it. Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment

    • tirelesstraveler profile image

      Judy Specht 3 years ago from California

      Kate, very good to see you. Great amusement.