ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

The Irish Sense of Humor

Updated on May 10, 2014

The Table

In Ireland we have car boot sales similar to yard sales. A man telephones his friend and asks him for a loan of a table.

He asks "What size is the table?"

His friend says "It is two feet square".

The first man says "It is not very big".

The friend says :"It is two feet bigger than the one you have!!"

This is a useful tale to tell someone who is criticizing you and not doing anything themselves.

Remember: Someone has to be doing something to be criticized. The person criticizing is more often than not doing nothing when (s)he has time to criticize.

The Lilt of Irish Laughter

We have probably all heard the saying "Laugh and the world laughs with you;cry and you cry alone". There is some truth in this. A sense of humor is a gift that those of us who have it should be grateful for. Those of us who don't have a well-developed sense of humor would do well to focus on cultivating one.

Sometimes we lose our sense of humor and getting it back has to be a priority. Indeed,some "black comedy" when we are dealing with hard times makes a rocky road much easier traveled.

The stories in this hub are true. They are from my own experience or hearsay from others with funny (and wise) stories to tell.

The Sheep

A butcher meets a draper and they have the following conversation:

Draper:That lamb I bought from you last week was no good. It shrunk to half it's size when it was

Butcher: The sweater I bought from you was the same. It shrunk to half it's size when it was washed. They must have come from the same sheep!!

The Apples

A man delivering fruit to a shop goes in with a box of apples. The shopkeeper says:" Those apples are no good. Get me a different box." The man leaves the shop, walks around the lorry with the same box of apples and goes into the shop again. The shopkeeper says" Yes. those apples are much better. I'll take them!!"

The Turf Spade

The Bartender

Two men are drinking in a rather rough pub in Ireland one evening. One of the men is a very quiet gentleman and he notices that his glass has a chip in it. He wants another glass so he timidly tells the barmaid: "This glass has a chip in it"She answers loudly "Turn the glass around son or you'll cut the mouth off yourself!!

Some Irish sayings you might like

You get used to anything...only hanging!!

To change the subject say:"It'll be a nice day tomorrow if it doesn't rain"

"A farmer is a man outstanding in his own field"

The Smoothie

One day, a woman made a fruit smoothie with an apple and a banana in a blender for a man. When he finished it, he asked her how to make it. She told him to put the fruit and some orange juice in a blender-as simple as that. He asks her:"Do you take the skin off the banana?"

Cast your vote

Do you like Irish humor?

See results

The Gift of a Sense of Humor

In Stephen King's novel "Dolores Claiborne" her husband's lack of a sense of humor was described as follows:she thought a sense of humor was like having a nose or a mouth-that everybody had one.

We all know that everyone doesn't have the same sense of humor and some folk don't have any at all. The good news is that we can develop our sense of humor by indulging it. It can help us through difficult times and enrich us in good times. The gift of laughter is indeed the best medicine and it is often said that it is good to be able to laugh at ourselves. I hope you enjoyed reading these funny stories which are actually true and I look forward to writing another hub like this when I have more Irish humor to share with you.Cheers!!


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • Kate Mc Bride profile imageAUTHOR

      Kate McBride 

      3 years ago from Donegal Ireland

      Very good Demas. Thanks for this.

      Paddy says to Mick: Why do you have an empty milkbottle in the fridge. Mick replies: In case some visitor wants a black coffee you twat.

      Paddy says to Mick: Why are you talking into an envelope.

      Mick replies: I'm sending a voicemail.

      Got these off facebook. It is good craic. Are you on facebook Demas?

    • Perspycacious profile image

      Demas W Jasper 

      3 years ago from Today's America and The World Beyond

      The bartender heeded the man's wife's threat to have him beaten up, if he gave her husband more than one alcoholic drink on his way home from work each night.

      Having told the woman's husband about his one drink limit, the barkeep gave him his one drink and the man went home.

      The next night the man came in lugging a piece of asphalt, and told the proprietor, "I'll have that one for me, and one more for the road."

    • Kate Mc Bride profile imageAUTHOR

      Kate McBride 

      4 years ago from Donegal Ireland

      Cheers for your feedback Venus-I appreciate it.


    • Venus Rivera profile image

      Daisy Rivera 

      4 years ago from Chicago, IL

      I enjoy reading your hubs- thank you for sharing these wonderful stories. I found the smoothie joke to be a funny one.:)

    • Kate Mc Bride profile imageAUTHOR

      Kate McBride 

      4 years ago from Donegal Ireland

      That's good

    • C.V.Rajan profile image


      4 years ago from Kerala, India

      Enjoyed them!

    • Kate Mc Bride profile imageAUTHOR

      Kate McBride 

      4 years ago from Donegal Ireland

      Glad you like it. Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment

    • tirelesstraveler profile image

      Judy Specht 

      4 years ago from California

      Kate, very good to see you. Great amusement.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)