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The Whistling: (Alternate Ending to the Short Story by Frank Atanacio)

Updated on November 24, 2016
Jodah profile image

John has many years writing experience including a Writing School course "Writing for Profit." He has written text for children's books etc.

Source

Some Spooky Ambience

Another "Write An Ending" Challenge

If you enjoyed the challenge of writing an ending for Frank's wonderful story, you may be interested in doing the same for this short story I wrote awhile back, "Blast From The Past"

It's a very basic short story with a familiar story line. I'd be interested in seeing how creative my fellow hubbers can be with this..

....The final chapter......

On his hub 'Monsters In The Trees', Frank Antanacio issued the following challenge:

"Several emails I've received prompted me into creating another chapter for Jenny Camacho. So I did it again. I kept her running. What I want you to do if you're up for the challenge is to create either her demise or her rescue... Do you have it in you? Sandastles? Faith? Genna East... well do you punks? Go ahead make my day..LOL I like to include your endings as alternate endings for Jenny Camacho. So there would be a few rules...

1) Min.. 300 words

2) More description and less dialogue

3) dark and dreary..

4) creative/ The title must come from a line in the story

5) an ending to end all endings..."

The following is my contribution to the final chapter of the gripping story.


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The Whistling.

.............

Running in the opposite direction from where the whistling sound originated, Jenny gradually increased speed though her legs felt as heavy as tree trunks. After maybe a few hundred yards, she stopped for a moment, hands on hips, panting, trying to catch her breath.Then she heard the whistling again. It was getting closer! Jenny panicked. She had run as fast as she could but he was still gaining ground.

She was about to commence running again when she heard a voice replace the whistling, "Skipper, where are you? Here boy," followed by more whistling. Thoughts whirled around in her head. The dog wasn't wild after all. It was someone's pet. That explained why it had been so friendly towards her back near the duck pond. It's owner was looking for it. Help was at hand!

Jenny Camacho tried to call out, "I'm over here. Help me!" but only a soft mumble left her parched lips. She also had trouble moving her legs again. Even lifting her feet was difficult. It seemed like every time she stopped moving she seized up. In fact it felt as if they were embedded in the earth. Now her arms! She had lost control of them as well. They waved in the air as if to catch each passing breeze. She looked at her fingers, and her eyes bulged in shock The tips had begun to sprout leaves. "What is happening to me?" she thought, "I must be dreaming."

The voice was loud now just to her left, and he whistled again, but she couldn't reply. Jenny had trouble breathing and her body was stiffening. Her skin was becoming rough and scaly. She was aware of her surroundings but couldn't turn her head. It felt as though many of the trees were watching her and calling her name, but she was silent.

The dog's owner passed by without noticing the young tree with its almost human shaped trunk, and new green growth sprouting from it's arm-like branches.

Meanwhile, the tall thin madman turned his attention to following the whistling.

Jenny, like all his other eleven human victims, had now been transformed. She'd become part of his beautiful and beloved forest. Her beauty would live forever.

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First Chapter.

You can check out the first chapter of Frank's wonderful story 'Screaming Into The Darkness of Her Despair' at:

http://frankatanacio.hubpages.com/hub/Screaming-into-the-Darkness-of-her-Despair

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    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 18 months ago from Queensland Australia

      hey Shyron, Thank you for finding this and reading. It was awhile ago so it needed some new views. I enjoyed writing this addition to Frank's story.

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 18 months ago from Texas

      John, I loved this. I read Frank's "Monsters in the Trees" and had to search for you answer and read your rendition.

      Blessings my friend

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thank you Nadine.

    • Nadine May profile image

      Nadine May 2 years ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

      Very creative writing and a good ending. Well done

    • vocalcoach profile image

      Audrey Hunt 2 years ago from Nashville Tn.

      I love this ending to Frank's story! The photos are great too. Thanks so much.

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thanks for reading this Cam, I look forward to your helpful advice. I guess practice makes perfect.

    • cam8510 profile image

      Chris Mills 3 years ago from Maple City, Michigan

      I'm not sure how I missed this before, John. I wrote an ending for Frank's story too and read most of the others. I had read "A Life Worth Living," and had commented on it. I've got a few observations that I'll pass on in an email. But the bottom line is to read and write a lot more flash fiction. You definitely already know how to write a short story. Looking forward to more.

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      If you enjoyed the challenge of writing an ending for Frank's wonderful story, you may be interested in doing the same for this short story I wrote awhile back, "Blast From The Past": https://hubpages.com/literature/Story-Without-An-E

      It's a very basic short story with a familiar story line. I'd be interested in seeing how creative my fellow hubbers can be with this..

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      You did now Will, thanks.

    • WillStarr profile image

      WillStarr 3 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      I thought I left a comment on this! In any case, very well done.

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Yes I agree, I hadn't written a lot of fiction before this either. It was easier when someone else came up with the original idea and I found the idea just came to me easily from what I'd read in Frank's story already. I agree it's funny how you get to know the characters and even though Jenny wasn't my or your creation you find a connection with her and want to see what other writers do with her character at the end.

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      pochinuk 3 years ago

      Jodah,

      I have not written fiction, and after completing Franks challenge, and working through Jenny's dreadful situation, I ate dinner, and returned to begin to read the others, it's kinda weird, but your dog whistler actually was a comfort, silly huh, but I think I experienced for the first time what other fiction writers have said to each : you get to know your characters so well they are with you all the time.

      Huh, I thought Jenny left me when I went to eat my spare ribs and fries... but lo, when I saw and heard the call for Skipper... well, enough.. I think you understand what I am getting at... this alternative ending thing has been really enjoyable.. thanks for commenting on my comment.

      Have a good night,

      pochinuk

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thank you for taking the time to read this ending to Frank's great story. I really enjoyed the challenge, it gave me a chance to write something different to my usual fare. I appreciate your encouraging comments.

    • profile image

      pochinuk 3 years ago

      Jodah,

      Your title is well chosen. I like that you paid attention to the whistle in Franks composition. Sound is vibration and is so pertinent to life; especially in a forest.

      Then you creatively echoed that sound into her transformation.

      Good impressions,

      pochinuk

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thanks for reading Ann, glad you enjoyed this ending. I didn't want Jenny to die, but I didn't want the traditional good wins over evil ending either, so thought this was a different alternative. This was a fun challenge and there are many great endings. I look forward to reading what you come up with.

    • annart profile image

      Ann Carr 3 years ago from SW England

      Wow! What a great idea; I hadn't come across the original challenge so I'll go to have a look at it.

      This is a great ending, spooky and chilling. Awful way to go, even if she did end up looking beautiful!

      Well done! Ann

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Hello Cat, thanks for visiting and your kind comments. The tree nymph idea just drew me in, and yes, I guess there is always a possibility of as equal here. Glad you enjoyed the twist and hope to see you again.

    • cat on a soapbox profile image

      Catherine Tally 3 years ago from Los Angeles

      Hi Jodah,

      What an unexpected and creative twist to this story! I like the imagery of the tree nymphs which are often portrayed as protectors. Great photos too! You've left the story open- a sequel, perhaps? Thank you for an engaging read!

      Cat :)

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton

      Note: The Nick Barnum Fan Page Friends: Please print out each ending and compare them .. do not vote until the end of the month because I am waiting for some more endings:

      Alternate Endings!

      These are alternate endings created by other hubbers... enjoy, find your favorites, share your favorites...

      https://hubpages.com/literature/The-Whistling Jodah

      https://hubpages.com/literature/Lost-in-Terror-Cre... Faith

      https://hubpages.com/literature/Monsters-In-The-Tr... Tobusiness

      http://cam8510.hubpages.com/hub/Death-Chamber Cam

      http://ghaelach.hubpages.com/hub/Carnivorous-Bite Ghaelach

      https://hubpages.com/literature/Dense-Part-of-the-... Phyllis doyle

      https://hubpages.com/literature/Run-Her-Mind-Shout... Tillsontitan

      https://hubpages.com/literature/Natures-Womb-Frank... Genna East

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thanks Graham, Much appreciated. All the alternate endings are wonderful. All different.

    • old albion profile image

      Graham Lee 3 years ago from Lancashire. England.

      Hi Jodah. Yours is the fourth challenge I have read today. A great ending, your use of the 'human' trees is excellent. Well done.

      Graham.

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thank you for your generous comment Suzette. All the endings have been great, and all different. It's a great exercise Frank created.

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thanks for reading Phyllis and your kind comment. I guess any form of escape is better than none at all, right?

    • suzettenaples profile image

      Suzette Walker 3 years ago from Taos, NM

      What a fabulous ending! Very creative and unique. I also read Faith's ending and hers was fabulous too. Both of you did a wonderful job at writing descriptive fiction and ending this story so interestingly. I was totally engaged in your ending as well as Faith's. Bravo!

    • Phyllis Doyle profile image

      Phyllis Doyle Burns 3 years ago from High desert of Nevada.

      I like this ending, Jodah. I wanted Jenny to escape, too, but, did not expect her to do so by becoming part of the forest. Well done and very original.

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thanks for reading tillsontitan, I hoped to appeal to that audience with my ending as those are the genres that interest me too. Glad you were surprised by the ending.

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 3 years ago from New York

      What a great and unexpected ending to Frank's story! Being a fan of SciFi and Fantasy this certainly piqued my interest. Like one of those commercials on the Sci Fi channel....great job Jodah.

      Voted up, awesome, and interesting.

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thank you for stopping by and reading this urbanchijioke, and for you encouragement. Much appreciated.

    • ubanichijioke profile image

      Alexander Thandi Ubani 3 years ago from Lagos

      Amazing...

      Good job!

      Carry on!

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Hi Alicia, thanks for reading and for your wonderful comment. Glad you liked this ending and photos.

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thank you for checking out this ending marcoujor, all those submitted are so different and have the writer's unique takes on the situation. You are right that it would be too difficult to judge if a contest. Thanks for your kind comment.

    • AliciaC profile image

      Linda Crampton 3 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      This is a great ending, Jodah! I'm enjoying reading the alternate endings to Frank's story and seeing people's creativity. I loved your version, as well as the photos!

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 3 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

      Dear Jodah,

      Wow! I must say I am partial to mythology and science fiction themes and you have done a fantastic job with this fantasy ending. You have combined beauty and darkness in a memorable way.

      I am glad 'not' to be judging this contest...everyone has deserved high praise thus far...

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Hi kidscrafts, thank you for reading and your kind comment. Yes, all the endings so far are very different. I thought I'd give it a slightly different fantasy twist, and I'm glad you liked it. I thought being turned into a beautiful tree was a much better fate than dying. You have a great day too.

    • kidscrafts profile image

      kidscrafts 3 years ago from Ottawa, Canada

      What a beautiful ending and your choice of pictures especially the last one makes it romantic! It's a nice ending to finish as a beautiful tree :-)

      I was curious to read your ending of the story after reading the one of Faith and Jo! All different but all well done!

      Have a great day!

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thanks for reading and your comments Ghaelach, better late then never. Mine was actually the first alternate ending published. Glad you enjoyed itand that the ending was a surprise. I like to do things a little differently.

    • profile image

      Ghaelach 3 years ago

      Hi John.

      Well I said I was off to read your version of an alternative ending to Frank's story. Seems I'm a little late, in fact 31 hours behind the first comment.

      I certainly wasn't disappointed with your version. You have a terrific ending, which had me totally fooled. Well done.

      LOL Ghaelach

      Europe 2:45pm

    • Jodah profile image
      Author

      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thank you so much for your kind comment klidstone. I wrote one crime/suspense story many years ago, "The Right Advice", but never any horror although I am a fan of reading both and watching movies in those genres. I have mainly concentrated on poetry until recently when I have attempted to expand into articles and stories. After writing this alternate ending for Frank's story I am inspired to write more horror/suspense. Appreciate your visiting and commenting.

    • klidstone1970 profile image

      இڿڰۣ-- кιмвєяℓєу 3 years ago from Niagara Region, Canada

      Jodah, this is the first alternate ending that I have read and can't believe you haven't wrote many horror/suspense stories before! This was really well done and what a twist. I enjoyed it very much.

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      Sharon 3 years ago

      this one kind of followed the monster one closer than the other three, even though the girls became part of the landscape it followed the original short story closer

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thanks Jo, glad you enjoyed the ending and images especially. I read your ending and it was great too. loved this challenge.

    • tobusiness profile image

      Jo Alexis-Hagues 3 years ago from Bedfordshire, U.K

      Jodah, that was some ending! You did an excellent job with this....a thoroughly good read, the images you chose, were perfect.

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thanks Genna, those compliments mean a lot coming from such an accomplished writer as yourself. I may have to write more in this type of genre. I enjoyed the experience immensely.

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 3 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

      What a wonderful, creative and fascinating ending. I truly enjoyed this, Jodah, and was genuinely surprised at the imaginative resolution. This is excellent. :-)

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thank you Faith, I'm always full of surprises aren't I. No run of the mill happy ever after endings from me...haha.

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 3 years ago from USA

      I didn't see that one coming, Jodah, not at all. Quite a fantastical element, and it made me wonder the transformation process was. The photos added quite a bit, too. Excellent!

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thanks Bill. These challenges are great to help us expand and learn other types of writing. Hope it's not too cold there.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      It's good to see writers taking part in this challenge and others like it....improving our craft is what we writers should do. Well done John.

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Glad you enjoyed this ending Jackie. It was fun to write and just seemed to lead me in the direction it took. Thanks.

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thank you MsDora, I couldn't let Jenny be killed by the madman, but didn't want the traditional happy ending either. I think I managed a sort of happy medium.

    • Jackie Lynnley profile image

      Jackie Lynnley 3 years ago from The Beautiful South

      That is a great ending John! Even better with the photo!! Others are going to have to go some to match or top that! ^+

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Isaac Weithers 3 years ago from The Caribbean

      So glad that Jenny became something useful. I never would have thought of such a great ending. Good job!

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Hey, thanks Frank. I really enjoyed this writing experience and it gave me a prompt to spread my wings and try something different. Glad you enjoyed my ending. I tried to do something a little out of left field.

      Haha to Carmen, it happens with these type of hubs where more than one person has input. Glad you liked my different slant to Frank's usual detective fare...lol.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton

      Hey Carmen you idiot... this is someone's else's page...LMAO call me and ill explain the whole concept... of Jodah's alternate ending.. you are a Sangana!!!!! hey sorry Jodah..:(

    • profile image

      Carmen33 3 years ago

      Hey frankie this is crazy different.. I caught this on the fan page and thought u ended Jenny lol. It's different for you and i like the way you ended it. Sending the link to Cassidy you know he's in the Baltimore Police Department now, right. He's gonna shit that there's no detective involvement. I know what he's going to say. About freakin time frankie uses his creative mind instead of police logs hey is Jodah a pen name?

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 3 years ago from Shelton

      You know what I enjoyed the most is the fantasy twist you spun.. I like the concept.. and bravo for not being the first to save her. I think you did a Stephen King type job with this one that I would never have thought up.. Yep... damn going to be tough to top...:)

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thank you Nadine, glad you enjoyed it. It took me awhile to find suitable photos for what I wanted.

    • Nadine May profile image

      Nadine May 3 years ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

      That was a great ending. I loved the photos you have used. They so make your story alive. Well done

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thank you so much Becky for your knd comment. Maybe I have to try my hand at more fiction/horror/suspense stories. I enjoyed writing this.

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      Becky Katz 3 years ago from Hereford, AZ

      This was indeed awesome and a not to be forgotten ending. Wow!

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      Faith Reaper 3 years ago from southern USA

      You did! Very good ending indeed.

    • Jodah profile image
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      John Hansen 3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thank you Faith. Frank said he wanted a surprise ending, so I hope I filled that brief...lol. Look forward to reading yours.

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      Faith Reaper 3 years ago from southern USA

      Awesome alternate ending to Frank's story, Jodah! I will publish mine in the morning. Wow, was not expecting that ending. You are a great creative fiction writer too.

      Up and more and sharing.

      Blessings,

      Faith Reaper