Two-Toothed Freckled Landfish with Training Wheel

Reconstructed here by our paleo-artist is an image of the Two-Toothed Freckled Landfish with Training Wheel. This representation is based on recent finds on the long-submerged island of Karkos Atlantea, miles from the western Grecian coast of the Peloponnesian Peninsula. There, paleobiologists and archaeologists have unearthed a partial cranium, the rudimentary bones of wrist joints, several wheel-spokes and a matched pair of large rectilinear incisors. Patterns in overlain magmatic sediment are strongly suggestive of scales and freckled skin. Unfortunately, this species faced extinction as volcanic activity and climate change slowly slid Karkos Atlantea beneath the waves of the Ionian Sea. 

Many evolutionary experts now surmise that eons ago another type of ancestral fish — probably  Tiktaalik roseae or some similar species — began to move onto the land, thereby establishing the lineage of all future land creatures, including man.

Had we instead descended from the particularly peripatetic wheeled paleo-fish pictured here, we might all have melanin speckles, a noticeable diastema, and would probably be buying radials instead of sneakers for our feet.