Unsmooth Moments.....the Sequel

So everyone in my circle of family and friends pretty much knows me as the clumsy one. I am the one who falls up stairs and trips on flat surfaces. For those of you who find it humorous to laugh at the expense of others, you might enjoy my hub "Unsmooth Moments" http://hubpages.com/hub/Unsmooth-Moments, in which I chronicle my many exercise mishaps.

I am not saddened to know that people laugh at me. I laugh right along with them. But I will admit, I find it pleasantly surprising when my little sister can match my unsmooth moments with a tale of her own.

So last night, I went to a Christmas party hosted by my mom and her husband in their new home. I am not really a social extrovert. At a party, I tend to stick to the people I know, or the food table. I'm very social once I know someone, but I am initially very shy and introverted.

So I am hovering over the food table, praying to all that is holy that I will not spill red wine on my mother's beautiful tablecloth, and trying to figure out the most graceful way to eat this pastry looking thing stuffed with cream cheese and a shrimp on top. (By the way, it was fabulous and there is no graceful way to eat it.) So a man I had never met before, (actually I really didn't know anyone there), intorduces himself to me.

Why do people introduce themselves at the exact same moment that you shove food into your mouth? I used to think that was a talent held only by waitresses, who wait until you have a 1/4 pound bacon burger in your piehole, and then ask you if everything is okay, knowing full well that your only available response at that moment is to nod and smile and attempt to not drool.

So anyway, I quickly swallow my chip and tell him, "I am Christie. I am Camille's daughter." He introduces himself as one of mom's new nighbors. So we are sitting there making small talk, he is asking me where I am from, yada, yada, yada. We are standing in the dining room, but right near the front door. We had just gotten a snow storm that day. All of the sudden, the door flies open, and in walks.....er...slides rather, my sister.

Let me first tell you a little about my sis. We are only 15 months apart in age, and we live two blocks away from each other. Our youngest girls are 8 months apart. Suffice to say, we are best friends and very close. Mandi is obsessed with shoes. She always has fabulous shoes on. And last night was no different.

So, like I was saying, the door flies open, and in slides Mandi. She stomps her fabulous brown and plaid heels onto the floor mat, thinking she has stomped all the snow off.  She sets one foot on the hardwood floor and comes sliding into the dining room, narrowly catching herself before knocking the neighbor guy over.  Right at that moment, I smile and say, "And this....is my sister."  Of course the neighbor howls in laughter, as do my husband, Mandi's husband, and I. 

Talk about making an entrance.  And she was an hour late so of course everyone was there.  The really unfortunate thing, though, is that most everyone else was in the kitchen so most did not see my sis's grand entrance. 

It's probably one of those instances where you just had to be there, it was just funny to me because for one, it was so something I would do, and two, her timing could not have been more impeccable.

So after the laughter dies down and Mandi gets her coat off and gains her bearings, she and I are standing off by ourselves talking, and she tells me that she just got back from the big city, where she and our friend went Christmas shopping.  And then she proceeds to tell  me this story:

"We went to Ross to find some fantastic deals with Jessa's six week old baby in tow.  I went into the dressing room.  I had WAY exceeded my limit, so I had to fumble through all of my stuff to decide what to try on.  So we enter the dressing room, that smells like urine by the way, and we go into the handicapped one so Jess, the baby, me and the shopping cart will all fit.  So I start to try on this suit. I really don't like the pants but the jacket was way cute.  So I am trying to put the pants on and realize they are side zipped.  I get them zipped up and I am checking myself out in the mirror, feeling triumphant that I found something fabulous to wear. I go to unzip myself and then it happened........."

You remember that scene from "There's Something About Mary" where Ted zips himself into his pants?  Yeah, that totally happened to my sis.  Only she zipped her hip, not her unmentionables, thank goodness.

"Multiple expletives flew out of my mouth as I am thinking, 'Ok, so do I zip or unzip, which way do I go?'  So at this point, Jessa realizes what I have done because I am swearing and screaming 'Ow that really hurts' and so she maneuvers herself between the shopping cart and the baby, and she looks at me, perplexed, and says 'I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do!'  I say, 'Just pull it off like a band-aid...FAST!'  She lifted up and she yanked towards her and I yanked towards me, and SNAP....I was free."

By this time, I am laughing hysterically and some of my mom's friends are looking at us like we are crazy.  Which we are.  And I am thinking, 'Oh that is sooooo something I would do!'.

Fortunately for Mandi, this incident did not end in a trip to the ER or in a ruined Prom memory.  Instead, it ended with the purchase of a fabulous new suit, (she said she felt like she really had to buy it since it still had her skin in it) and a great story to tell her sis.

So thank you Mandi, for sharing with me your unsmooth moment!