Wanting Escapes

Layers of locked doors begin to fly open. It is the effect of your passion and your connection releasing me. Awakening and freeing parts of me that lay dormant for such a long time. Having been enclosed for so long, they want to burst free and feed. I can feel desire traveling thru me like ice coursing my warm-blooded veins causing me to burn and shake from within. I tightly grip myself in attempts to restrain it all. I keep fighting. I keep resisting, wanting so much to unleash but knowing that many in this world would not know how to handle me. I was not made for many here. I am misinterpreted. I am feared. It seems it would be my destiny to unleash only to have to implode alone. The risks are great. Maybe it is a control thing for me. It is easy for me to go on day by day with out a want but the idea of wanting and not having is too much for me take right now. Regardless of my logic and my battle from within, I want... It has already started. What lays buried is so powerful when inspired to want.

This world that I was born into is one of games. Sentiments and true intentions are hidden and masked causing everyone to wonder what is meant. People want to be wanted but are frightened when they are. 'It is too fast', they say. 'I do not want anything serious', they mutter while in the safety of their own mind they want to be the only one being pursued. They want all of your attention. In the darkness of the night, they long for no one else's embrace. All in secret, lest they be judged or lose your attention. They play their games and present their sales tactics by doing take aways and using psychology. Meanwhile they torment themselves wondering about where they stand. Every comment is doubted. Every gesture is read into and second guessed. For a world like this, I can be scary. I speak, not to please you or impress you. I speak my truth. Is it too much for you? Tell me your truth.

Under 5% of the male population can attract me. The rare, the unique, the warriors and kings among men who march to their own beat are the ones that catch my attention. Greatness. Loyalty. Strength from within. You. It calls out to me and pulls me near. It possesses my mind and my spirit. I become insatiable. I was not looking either time it found me. It seems I am destined to be found by a hero. Tho time is never a guarantee. I don't worry about your judgement or rejection. I will say what I want. I am beginning to want, uncontrollably. I am losing the ability to contain it. In a lot of ways, I do not want to contain it. I want to unleash it. I want to collapse. I want to dive into you exclusively. I want to loose myself in your waters until I have gone into your depths where few have been. I want to know your core and melt into you. I have no desire to share you. I am fearless in that I would jump in with both feet and live to the fullest. Allow me to. Surrender yourself to me. Invite me in.

What does this mean? What are the risks? I want you to give yourself to me relentlessly, religiously, daily. I want to do everything and absolutely nothing by your side. I have no agenda, no long term wish. Make me your queen. Make me your goddess. You would be rewarded by taking your place as a king. Give me your story. Pour yourself into me without holding anything back. Allow me to collapse into you safely and securely. Guard me, hide me, and keep my passion. Draw strength from me. Restore yourself while restoring me. Resist resistance. Resist the rules. Follow the flow and see where the currents take you. This is fed by our connection. Rest assured that it can only go as far as the current will take us. It is not mundane and not fed by obligation. Do not be bothered with the illusion of the future. Be nourished by the unique fruit that comes from the mixing of passion and honesty. Be my oasis. Be my addiction and feed my addiction without restraint. I ask everything and nothing of you. I ask for everything you are, your very essence, everything that is meaningful and nothing material, nothing forced, nothing fake, nothing rehearsed. The risk to you is not as big as it would seem. No one truly shows who they are for fear of judgement. Release that fear. What I offer you is acceptance. The illusive unconditional that so many want but few are able to accept or offer. The risk to you is your own vulnerability.

I do not search. I have no dreams of Mr. Right. Mr. Right Now is of no use to me. Sex is too easy and does not appeal to me or please me without a connection. I can not feed off of it. It does nothing for me. While easy to find, most willing to press up against me do not fit into my elite collection. They are too normal, too mundane. I will not waste my time or energy on that which would not please me. I do not wish to meet another. I do not plan for things. I have no huge expectations. I do not put myself on a timeline and wish for things like moving in or marriage. I do not treat these things as rights of passage or accomplishments to be checked off of some grand to do list. I don't put limits on things. Those things I have done, i've done because the flow carried me towards it. I did it passionately and am left without any regret no matter the outcome. I have learned that FOREVER is not something that can be promised, I do not ask for these things from you. I am not hard to please and not easy to disappoint. Do not misunderstand me, do not try to read more into things. Resist your human tendencies. You have a doubt, feel free to ask. I want a part of your passion, a part of your story, and a part of your life. Be in the moment with me, exclusively. I want to devour you for as long as the current will carry us. If and when life weighs too heavily for the current to carry us any farther, we would have had an amazing story and ended up in a beautiful place with memories that are ours forever. No regrets. An everlasting bond that may have changed but is never broken. A epic story, beginning, middle, and end without darkness or betrayal. A unique treasure.

As I write this, my wants and desires for you threaten to consume me and overtake me. I grip myself tightly to keep them at bay. If these are gifts you can not give, If you fear surrendering yourself, or if you don't know you are the hero that I see within you it would be best to tell me now that I am still able to battle my own wants and desires. I am still able to attempt to restrain and lock up the parts of me that you have resurrected. No, this is my own vulnerability speaking now. Perhaps it is too late to do so. The path is already laid out before me. That which is deepest within me choses well. The flow has led me thru difficulties before, I will not doubt it. I have no need to know of what you can't do. Time will tell.