Watching Braless Girl Approach

Lifelong bachelor (you'll soon know why) Bib Spiffle avidly and erratically eyes a particularly attractive and well-endowed braless girl approaching him on a sunny summer sidewalk in Boynton Beach, Florida. (Well, at least some of the more prominent parts of her, anyway.)

Good ol' Bib here is a confirmed bachelor. But 'confirmed' not by his own choice, really. 'Confirmed' by time and circumstance and his own rather unsavory behavior.

You see, Bib has had his bachelor status continually and consistently confirmed by each and every girl or woman with whom he has attempted to have any sort of relationship whatsoever. For Bib is shallow, vacuous, juvenile, boring, brain-dead, sexist, slavering and silly. In other words, he’s a guy’s guy.

Condemned as he is to a lifelong loneliness and lack of female compatriotism, Bib must content himself with the fleeting joys enabled by his unusual orbital musculature (which permits each of his eyes to move and focus independent of the other).

For you see, Bib has had his bachelor status repeatedly and consistently confirmed and reaffirmed by each and every girl or woman with whom he has attempted to have any sort of relationship whatsoever. For Bib is shallow, vacuous, juvenile, boring, brain-dead, moronic, sexist, slavering, objectifying, rude, crude, and silly. In other words, he’s kind of a truly traditional guy’s guy, if you know what I mean.

Condemned as he is to a lifelong singularity, loneliness and lack of female companionship or compatriotism — as well as more than a few sneers, slaps and shout-outs in this age of feminism, #metoo-ism, and heightened awareness of body image chauvinism — Bib must content himself with the fleeting joys enabled by his genetically-peculiar orbital musculature (which permits each of his eyes to move and focus independent of the other).