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When a Cyclist’s Chamois Freezes

Updated on May 5, 2012

When I was green and very young

I would just stick out my tongue.

I’d dare the world, “come get me”.

“I can do that! Come on and bet me!”

I could take a licking and keep on ticking.

But my butt the world would soon be kicking.

I’d ride my bike in the cold or in a roaring heat.

I ignored advice and laughed at all fear and defeat!

No one could tell me where I could go.

If I choose I’ll even ride in the snow.

I wore wool shorts with a chamois-seat made of leather.

I’d prove myself as being bold in any kind of weather.

I made do with clothes that resembled a pile of rags.

For the cold I made shoe-covers out of old bread bags.

I’d ignore naysayers, put on layers, and a scarf around my neck.

As I arrived at my destination, I resembled a frozen wreck.

I froze my nose, almost lost my toes, other parts were numb.

I may have gained a reputation for sometimes being dumb.

Of coarse I’m so much wiser now. I seldom make a mistake.

I avoid extreme cold weather when my small parts are at stake.

Nevertheless I guess you can guess, I still can be the fool.

I must confess, I can still under-dress, and freeze my little tool.

When you go out, without a doubt, adequately cover your derriere.

But it’s the front that takes the brunt when flying into that frozen air.

I start thinking what could I have been I thinking?

“It’s” way too cold and everything is shrinking.

It’s gone beyond discomfort. It’s now becoming an emergency.

Now things are so small are they there at all, and what if I had to pee?

I once had a rig and I thought was quite big

But now it’s not even two berries and a twig.

I arrive back at home with teeth all a-chatter.

I’ve really come to know that small things matter.

I almost broke an ear and my nose as I was tearing off my clothes

I vowed to some parts, to cold, I’d never again over-expose.

As fast as I could I jumped in a hot bath.

But even now I would feel the cold’s wrath.

The water was so painful. I not only yelled. I cried.

If this were truly a perfect body, my parts could retract inside.

I felt like my brittle little hi-diddle diddle

Had been scalded by a fiery hot, scalding griddle.

Winter’s flus and viruses cause many miseries and sneezes.

But it’s certainly no small matter, when a cyclist’s chamois freezes.

~Micky Dee~



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    • Micky Dee profile image

      Micky Dee 7 years ago

      You may have told me that. I It looks like Chaleston may join Columbia after some years. I remember that snow. 17 inches. Later my Dear!

    • Sa`ge profile image

      Sa`ge 7 years ago from Barefoot Island

      Lived there for two and a half years! :D owned a home in Summerville lived there for a year, (the year they got so much snow in SC everything shut down, remember that?), husband got transferred, sold house and we went back to Hawaii. I liked SC. gosh, that was a long time ago!

    • Micky Dee profile image

      Micky Dee 7 years ago

      Aloha! Take care of those parts Sa'ge. Do better than me! I can't believe you've been to Charleston! God bless!

    • Sa`ge profile image

      Sa`ge 7 years ago from Barefoot Island

      I rode from Virginia to Charleston SC one winder on the back of a bike, got home and yea, first thing, that hot bath. Was really looking forward to it. I just wanted to get warm, real fast! I yelled, my husband came running, then he was laughing. he really did try hard not to laugh.

      I can laugh now, like I did reading this piece of yours, hehe but not then! thanks for bringing back past memories :D aloha

    • Micky Dee profile image

      Micky Dee 7 years ago

      Thank you Brynda, the chamois gets cold.

    • profile image

      Brynda 7 years ago

      i could almost feel your pain. another great one!

    • Micky Dee profile image

      Micky Dee 7 years ago

      Thank you TFT. It gets cold out there-like right now. I haven't ridden outside in quite a while. My chamois might freeze.

    • Truth From Truth profile image

      Truth From Truth 7 years ago from Michigan

      You were certainly a driven rider. Once again an excellent read. Thanks.

    • Micky Dee profile image

      Micky Dee 8 years ago

      Thank you Itakins for stopping by again. It's always nice to see that flower!

    • itakins profile image

      itakins 8 years ago from Irl

      Hilarious-and excellent advice.

    • Micky Dee profile image

      Micky Dee 8 years ago

      Thank you Tim-Tim for stopping by and for pointing that out. Stay safe and warm.

    • tim-tim profile image

      Priscilla Chan 8 years ago from Normal, Illinois

      Nice hub! Love the pictures although a couple of them don't show up. Try to reload them. That happened to me too:)

    • Micky Dee profile image

      Micky Dee 8 years ago

      Chris- you know! It hurts, it burns. Let's try to avoid that as much as possible!

    • chrismarva profile image

      chrismarva 8 years ago

      There is no way anyone could know how cold it feels on a bike in the winter until they have tried it. I got caught in a blizzard two hours away from home. When I did get home I jumped into the hot tub. The water was 104 FH and it felt like ice and hurt like hell. Nice poem my friend. Chris

    • Micky Dee profile image

      Micky Dee 8 years ago

      Thank you very much Maita. It is always so nice to see you here at MickyDeeville. Thank you

    • prettydarkhorse profile image

      prettydarkhorse 8 years ago from US

      hey Micky, you still in driving in the colds hehe, It is cold indeed, not because of age, hehe, just kidding, take a rest and then you can bike the whole eyar round LOL<

      but I like the rhyming of the poem and I like reading it, Maita