ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

When a Cyclist’s Chamois Freezes

Updated on May 5, 2012

When I was green and very young

I would just stick out my tongue.

I’d dare the world, “come get me”.

“I can do that! Come on and bet me!”

I could take a licking and keep on ticking.

But my butt the world would soon be kicking.

I’d ride my bike in the cold or in a roaring heat.

I ignored advice and laughed at all fear and defeat!

No one could tell me where I could go.

If I choose I’ll even ride in the snow.

I wore wool shorts with a chamois-seat made of leather.

I’d prove myself as being bold in any kind of weather.

I made do with clothes that resembled a pile of rags.

For the cold I made shoe-covers out of old bread bags.

I’d ignore naysayers, put on layers, and a scarf around my neck.

As I arrived at my destination, I resembled a frozen wreck.

I froze my nose, almost lost my toes, other parts were numb.

I may have gained a reputation for sometimes being dumb.

Of coarse I’m so much wiser now. I seldom make a mistake.

I avoid extreme cold weather when my small parts are at stake.

Nevertheless I guess you can guess, I still can be the fool.

I must confess, I can still under-dress, and freeze my little tool.

When you go out, without a doubt, adequately cover your derriere.

But it’s the front that takes the brunt when flying into that frozen air.

I start thinking what could I have been I thinking?

“It’s” way too cold and everything is shrinking.

It’s gone beyond discomfort. It’s now becoming an emergency.

Now things are so small are they there at all, and what if I had to pee?

I once had a rig and I thought was quite big

But now it’s not even two berries and a twig.

I arrive back at home with teeth all a-chatter.

I’ve really come to know that small things matter.

I almost broke an ear and my nose as I was tearing off my clothes

I vowed to some parts, to cold, I’d never again over-expose.

As fast as I could I jumped in a hot bath.

But even now I would feel the cold’s wrath.

The water was so painful. I not only yelled. I cried.

If this were truly a perfect body, my parts could retract inside.

I felt like my brittle little hi-diddle diddle

Had been scalded by a fiery hot, scalding griddle.

Winter’s flus and viruses cause many miseries and sneezes.

But it’s certainly no small matter, when a cyclist’s chamois freezes.

~Micky Dee~



    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • Micky Dee profile imageAUTHOR

      Micky Dee 

      10 years ago

      You may have told me that. I It looks like Chaleston may join Columbia after some years. I remember that snow. 17 inches. Later my Dear!

    • Sa`ge profile image


      10 years ago from Barefoot Island

      Lived there for two and a half years! :D owned a home in Summerville lived there for a year, (the year they got so much snow in SC everything shut down, remember that?), husband got transferred, sold house and we went back to Hawaii. I liked SC. gosh, that was a long time ago!

    • Micky Dee profile imageAUTHOR

      Micky Dee 

      10 years ago

      Aloha! Take care of those parts Sa'ge. Do better than me! I can't believe you've been to Charleston! God bless!

    • Sa`ge profile image


      10 years ago from Barefoot Island

      I rode from Virginia to Charleston SC one winder on the back of a bike, got home and yea, first thing, that hot bath. Was really looking forward to it. I just wanted to get warm, real fast! I yelled, my husband came running, then he was laughing. he really did try hard not to laugh.

      I can laugh now, like I did reading this piece of yours, hehe but not then! thanks for bringing back past memories :D aloha

    • Micky Dee profile imageAUTHOR

      Micky Dee 

      11 years ago

      Thank you Brynda, the chamois gets cold.

    • profile image


      11 years ago

      i could almost feel your pain. another great one!

    • Micky Dee profile imageAUTHOR

      Micky Dee 

      11 years ago

      Thank you TFT. It gets cold out there-like right now. I haven't ridden outside in quite a while. My chamois might freeze.

    • Truth From Truth profile image

      Truth From Truth 

      11 years ago from Michigan

      You were certainly a driven rider. Once again an excellent read. Thanks.

    • Micky Dee profile imageAUTHOR

      Micky Dee 

      11 years ago

      Thank you Itakins for stopping by again. It's always nice to see that flower!

    • itakins profile image


      11 years ago from Irl

      Hilarious-and excellent advice.

    • Micky Dee profile imageAUTHOR

      Micky Dee 

      11 years ago

      Thank you Tim-Tim for stopping by and for pointing that out. Stay safe and warm.

    • tim-tim profile image

      Priscilla Chan 

      11 years ago from Normal, Illinois

      Nice hub! Love the pictures although a couple of them don't show up. Try to reload them. That happened to me too:)

    • Micky Dee profile imageAUTHOR

      Micky Dee 

      11 years ago

      Chris- you know! It hurts, it burns. Let's try to avoid that as much as possible!

    • chrismarva profile image


      11 years ago

      There is no way anyone could know how cold it feels on a bike in the winter until they have tried it. I got caught in a blizzard two hours away from home. When I did get home I jumped into the hot tub. The water was 104 FH and it felt like ice and hurt like hell. Nice poem my friend. Chris

    • Micky Dee profile imageAUTHOR

      Micky Dee 

      11 years ago

      Thank you very much Maita. It is always so nice to see you here at MickyDeeville. Thank you

    • prettydarkhorse profile image


      11 years ago from US

      hey Micky, you still in driving in the colds hehe, It is cold indeed, not because of age, hehe, just kidding, take a rest and then you can bike the whole eyar round LOL<

      but I like the rhyming of the poem and I like reading it, Maita


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)