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Why Having Doctor Jekyll as a Roommate is a Bad Idea

Updated on April 25, 2013
Well, it's the other guy you need to worry about.
Well, it's the other guy you need to worry about. | Source

There has to be a better way to pay rent

It’s one of the biggest first steps you’ll take in your adult life.

You’ve decided to move out of your parents’ home and get a place of your own. It’s a rite of passage. You’re claiming your adulthood and starting your life. You’ve finally left the nest and will be flying on your own.

Or will you?

The biggest problem will always be paying the rent. Unless you have a great job with decent pay, you might need a little bit of help. Since you have decided you’re an adult, going back to Mom and Dad to help finance your independence kind of defeats the purpose. If you’re lucky you have a close friend who will be willing to be your roommate. That’s the ideal situation – until you realize the guy you’ve known for most of your life is an unbearable slob who, unbeknownst to you, has a habit of sleep yodeling.

Such things can ruin a friendship.

The alternative to living with a friend is to go through the more adventurous route of living with a complete stranger. In days past, people used to post an ad in the newspaper or work through a mutual friend who has a similar dilemma. Nowadays we use Craig’s List. You can either post something there or see if someone else has made a post which fits your heart’s desire.

The entire exercise of living with a known friend or working with Craig’s List is tantamount to the old game show “Let’s Make A Deal” with Monty Hall. When you go through the Internet to find a roommate you’ve decided that you don’t want to keep the money in your hand and you want to go for what’s behind “Door Number 3”.

So, when you see the post that reads, “Roommate wanted: Medical man seeking understanding roommate to share an apartment while dissecting the human soul. No pets, nonsmoker. Email at”, you may wish to exercise a bit of caution.

But then again, you must remember that real estate is expensive and doctors earn a bit of coin. What have you got to lose?

What You’ve Got to Lose

There are a plethora of natural problems that come with sharing a space with a medical man. We can all understand the stray beaker in the sink as well as the dangers of leaving a Bunsen burner lit in the middle of the night. When a man is driven to chemically separate the aspects of good and evil, he might lose focus on the everyday things.

You can let a lot of things pass when your roommate has such impeccable references and seems to be almost pathologically clean and innocent of all the evils around him. He’s a great conversationalist with tons of friends and interesting colleagues. You should consider it a blessing that such a neat individual has little chance of losing the one month security deposit.

However, getting a message about your roommate’s “friend”, Edward Hyde, who you’re supposed to offer any and all manner of hospitality, might be a bit of a strain. It’s also a bit intimidating when Hyde, a hulking brute, has a habit of coming into the apartment at all hours of the night and throws his white shirts with curious red, blood-like stains on them in your laundry bin.

Doesn’t he know about delicate washing and that they should be soaked first?

Edward Hyde may not have any respect for your stuff. And you’ve been told that when he calls you “a quivering piece of human filth” while finishing off the last of your grandmother’s home baked cookies, you should simply ignore him and make a note of it.

You may feel that the best thing to do is tell him that your cookies were clearly marked and that everything on the left side of the cabinet is yours and that everything on the right is Jekyll’s.

Material possessions are transient. Remember that as he’s urinating on your iPhone.

Having a friend with violent psychotic mood swings is a problem in any relationship. When that happens, you’ll need to remind your roommate that he’s responsible for his friends.

It’s a question of remembering that we all have friends in low places. It seems that Hyde is everything that Jekyll is not.

Collateral Damages

I know what you’re thinking. Sure, Doctor Jekyll has one really bad butt wipe friend, but at least he keeps neat.

Well, it’s true. As part of the nature of the beast, doctors, particularly surgeons, have to be somewhat meticulous. He’ll always keep his bathroom tidy, dust when he has to, picks up his clothes, and folds the towels.

Were that only true of his friend, Edward.

You should not be surprised if Edward is eating crackers on the couch and watching porn the night you decide to show your parents the new place. The volume will be pumped up and he’ll be in your robe, violating it. And while you insist that he keep the robe, you’ll find it back in your closet – unwashed.

You will also find where he’s been hiding his porn… in your DVD jackets – specifically in your Disney films. This is always something to be wary of when you take care of those nieces and nephews of yours.

Consequently, I mentioned that Doctor Jekyll’s bathroom will be immaculate. The main reason for this is that Edward's been using yours. A good rule of thumb is to keep your dental floss in a secure place and to never let your toothbrush out of your sight. Weekly bathroom cleanings can and will take hours longer than they have to.

You may also wish to finish any food you eat in one sitting. Cookies are particularly vulnerable to Edward’s shenanigans as chocolate flavored Ex-Lax can easily be overlooked as one of his special additives to your desserts.

Just remember that financial reimbursements from Doctor Jekyll cannot buy back the time you’ll spend in the poor man’s reading room nor will it buy enough therapist sessions once you’ve figured out where your toothbrush went.

Would you live with a monster if it meant living in a nice apartment?

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Final Words

Living with a doctor looks good on paper.

Chances are he’ll be making a high income and offer to introduce you to a new and better class of people. Unfortunately, this will not be true with Doctor Henry Jekyll. He and Edward Hyde are a package deal.

I recommend that should you ever realize how bad your living relationship is with your roommate, especially if it gets violent, antagonistic, or abusive that you should make plans to move out. After all, this is your home, too. If you can’t relax in your own home, then it really isn’t a home in any definition. Sure, you can claim that those four walls will shield you from the elements and the cold, but no amount of structure or temperature comfort can make up for a paranoid night where you’ll be on your guard against an unexpected attack.

Finding that one person to live with is much more than money, status, and a well decorated apartment. Once you realize you’ve been living with an abusive monster, you should pack up and leave.

And I’m not just talking about Edward.


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