You, man, are taught to play games at an early age,pretending and lying to yourself, walking through life with blinders, being strong, standing straight, wearing a suit of armor no one can penetrate, strenuously carrying the weight of your families' crest, the blood of your honorable ancestors, the soldiers who handed down this pittance in a will you were just too busy to read and didn't understand.
It is an admirable trait to cry, to show weakness to those who have shown you their worst and their best, and to admit you are wrong. It is a medal to your spirit to be brave enough to walk that path that scares you most, yet you don't take it, you wouldn't dare.It would mean changing your entire life and you hate change. You would rather sit in quicksand than lifting your feet and walking. It would be hard, but would it not be worth it? You risk nothing and remain stagnant because you are afraid.
Those days of men, real men seem to be gone. Now you walk masked with fallacies, while muttering vacuous words that are only intended to selfishly provide your own ego a quiet night alone with your own pleasures. You have failed to see truth while covering your body with denial. You sold out for what you thought was right to appease others for the sake of the removal of your guilt. It wasn't a self-sacrifice like you try so hard to convince yourself it is.
You let it slip away and every day you suffer with the memory of what could have been, what was so easily yours, yet you let go and for what? For a plastic world where you close your eyes in pretense, where friends aren't real and family isn't yours, where women you once loved now use you for what you can do for them, nagging you for more while never giving anything in return, selfishly taking your pay for those "faults" that make you happy, those faults you escape in. When will it be enough? When will you stop punishing yourself?
You keep searching for something to fill in that tight little hole and never understanding why you are not satisfied. You are not satisfied because you are in the wrong place, with the wrong people, in the wrong life. You cannot revive what has been dead before you started. You can only walk among them like a zombie, which is what you do every day and every night. And sooner or later, it will catch up to you.