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You're a Vampire: That Sucks! A Survival Guide Review

Updated on November 3, 2015

There are plenty of survival guides out in the market to help humans survive a worst case scenario or zombie apocalypse, but what about those individuals who just were not lucky enough to get away from the creature chasing after them. You’re a Vampire: That Sucks! A Survival Guide is the answer to this problem. It is the ultimate resource for the undead and fans of the vampire genre. This comedic how-to book is told from the first person perspective of an ancient vampire looking to help the recently turned in their new existence.

You're a Vampire: That Sucks! A Survival Guide Cover
You're a Vampire: That Sucks! A Survival Guide Cover

The Cover

The front cover was designed by David Walker. The frowning face drawn in red reminds me of the happy face found in the Watchmen comic book. There is the great balance between something drawn with care and the random splattering of blood. Having the image embossed gives the cover even more life. Most importantly, it instantly catches the book browser’s eye.

The Book

A unique addition to the popular vampire stories being published for today’s reader. Vampire lore is explored from its beginning oral traditions to our modern day pop culture stories. Count Domenick Dicce guides the reader through the lies, half truths and facts found throughout history. However, life is more than just surviving. That is why he gives advice on how to enjoy your new undead existence. As the count point out, eternity is a long time. Finances, housing and entertainment are not something to be taken lightly.


  1. Welcome: Velcome

  2. Feeding: Got Blood?

  3. Hunting: The Stalk-or-Seduce Response

  4. Weaknesses: The Older They Are, the Brighter They Burn

  5. Powers: With Great Powers Comes Great Fun

  6. Home Is Where the Coffin IS

  7. Finances: Nest Egg for Eternity

  8. Resting: Dead Tired

  9. Social Structure: We Are Family-I Got All My Vamps With Me

  10. Familiars: A Vampire’s Best Friend

  11. Friends: WHo Needs Enemies?

  12. Enemies: Judged by Quality

  13. Turning Someone: To Love or Loathe

  14. Eternity: That’s a Long Time

  15. The Laws of the Vampire: Follow Them or Else…

  16. Epilogue: Eulogy

The Art Work

RIck Shiers did an amazing job with the inside illustrations. The drawings in the book complement the humor and help build upon the information. Subtle details, like the Vampire Darwin Award wearing swim trunks, illustrate the care taken in assembling this survival guide for the undead.

Vampire Darwin Award
Vampire Darwin Award | Source
Vampire Food Pyramid
Vampire Food Pyramid | Source

You're a Vampire: That Sucks! A Survival Guide is the first book in a continuing series. Werewolves, zombies, witches and ghost will all have their own handbook


You're a Vampire: That Sucks! A Survival Guide is the first book in a continuing series. Werewolves, zombies, witches and ghost will all have their own handbook to understand and thrive in their new existence.


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      Vampire Guy 

      3 years ago

      How did I miss this? I will have to check it out.


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