Away Trains

My last few breaths before everything would change. I looked intently through my bloodshot eyes, hoping to get a glance at her. I did, and I was horrified. Across the room, she lay limp and was not breathing. Unhappily, I assumed she was dead. I knew all along that I had to escape, but it's as if I just realized this. The urge to find an escape was becoming unbearable, any second now, I could be dead. But how will I escape? I sit here, unable to defend myself and without a way to improve my situation, thinking that maybe somewhere, someone was laughing and saying I knew it would happen and I had brought the inevitable upon myself. I needed to focus. I needed to escape and warn what was left of us.

Some clattering brought me back to real life, and I started to panic. I know it was the last thing I should do, but I couldn't stop myself. The last thing that occurred to me, before I got knocked out, is that we weren't alone anymore. It wasn't us and our captors. We weren't the only ones suffering from my mistake.

When I graduated from my High School, it hadn't occurred to me what I was going to do with my life. I wasn't sure who I would spend it with or what I would be doing with it. But I knew I wanted to do something around the lines of criminal research or even joining the cops. I knew that opportunity would be easy to acquire. I had enough strength, stamina, and endurance at 18 to pursue and take down someone twice my age. I was a regular guy though, I had the same problems everyone has these days. But there was something that set me apart from everyone else, something I did not notice but others easily did. Something that could get me killed one day, or so some people thought.

One of these days I will find what I want, or so I constantly thought. I just did common work for now, volunteering with the Mountie’s. They were going to help me find my place, my purpose in this world. When I was younger it never ever, ever, passed my mind about what I wanted to be when I grew up. I mean, teachers asked right? I never had an answer, I was too busy outside. I loved the outdoors, but even more, I loved water. I dearly loved it. No matter where I am or was when I was growing up, and still now, I have running water near me. It reminds me of a 'home.' I spent my life inseparable to a pond in my backyard.

Actually, it was out beside a lake when I ran into her. Her name was Lily, and she was the one for me. I sure think she thought the same thing! She fell asleep under the open sun that day, and I too. Only I wasn't all that asleep. It started to rain, and here we are in the middle of summer with 40 Centigrade heat, the rain was hot. I went over to wake her up, and to let her know that it was raining. I didn't want to see her soaked like that. I gave her my umbrella and that's when she looked at me. We were instantly connected. She told me that I was what she had always wanted. I too told her that I knew what she meant.

To the general eye, she wasn't much. Average everything, nothing extraordinary, except her strong feelings to care for and take care of others. But to him, she was amazing. To him her brown-blue eyes sparkled like the fish in the oceans. He could not compare them to jewels, like most, for her simple and elegant eyes would put the jewels to shame. Her hair was like every color of the rainbow, but the natural one. The hues of dark browns, reds, and light browns put even Mother Nature’s most exotic coats in place. She was more outstanding and amazing to even be realistic, and yet here she was. To her, he was the missing piece. He was the perfection of imperfections that she had only ever thought of. His steel blue-grey eyes were deeper than her thoughts and had a strong veil over them. This kept her puzzled as to why this was so, but when he looked at her his eyes would soften and she would forget her thoughts. His hair reminded her of the luscious golden straw fields that she spent her summers in with her horses. He was so naturally flawless that is seemed too perfect.

But to them, the appearance of 'The other one' did not matter. They were inseparable, and this was one thing that they knew. They were going to be together forever – even us, the readers, need to understand that this is not a trick which they are indeed set to be forever together. This is the happy moment of life for them, and they will spend it together with more happiness than a poor old man growing to watch his son prosper. That which no one understands, but is the real happiness of the world is what they spent together. And so here they set off, together, as two people on two different paths that with always be parallel and there to support the other one until the moment of forever when their paths become one.

“What doesn't kill you make you stronger.”

It started with a thought, or was it a realization? We all experience the moment when we wake up and we just know that everything around us, everything we own is just pointless. And in those few short thoughts we are ready to give it all up. But then we think what life would be without it, and we wouldn't part it until death.

One ordinary morning she decided to just lay, there until she was 'woken up' by a family member. She just thought about everything as she lay there. She thought about School, friends, food, pets, family; everything and more. The deeper her thoughts became the more aware she was of the silence engulfing her. Unusual of her family was silence. She got up and went slowly down the stairs, as if a bomb were lurking in the shadows. Before she was all the way down the stairs, she closed her eyes and just listened again. She was forcing herself to hear two children running, food cooking, and dogs whining. She pictured her brothers running up past her and her yelling at them to stop. But there wasn't anything except the snow blowing against the house. The cars were here, the people were not. Not even the pets, now that she thinks about it, even her fish on her desk were not there earlier. Everything had ceased to live in the house, everything except her.

She smoothly put on a coat, hat, scarf, mitts, and boots. She grabbed her father’s wallet and checked for money, enough for a week of food. She grabbed the keys for the van and left the house to go to it. She warmed up the van for several minutes and watched her house. She wasn't panicking and she knew what was happening. She pulled out and drove away.

“In a great big building, we are going to meet. There you will find several people from your past. These people will help you understand why you are who you are .”

And so my journey began.

I did not know where I was going, but I knew to what, a large open building. I have to make it, nothing should stop me. I keep scanning as I was steadily driving. Something caught my attention, like when you see something in the corner of your eye. I drove towards it. I was here. It was the place. When I got in to the parking lot, I thought I was in a mall. I've never noticed this building in the whole time I've lived in this town. But something was different about the town too, it wasn't the same yet it was unchanged. Indifferently and unchanged by these disturbing thoughts, I turned off the car and looked for anything useful to bring with me. Nothing would be useful now I thought, not when I'm this close.

The white building had people I knew in it. I saw Jaden on an elevator. He started walking towards me; a hard, cold frown muted his face. When he was close he scowled towards himself, but more aimed at me:

“What are you doing here ?”

I was stunned. A bolt of goose bumps went through me, what am I doing here? But before I could answer with my thoughts Pascal, a tall bubbly blonde girl, came running from where Jaden just appeared from. She was shouting my name. She was smiling so big that it seemed to wrap around me as her hug. Nothing from me had been uttered, yet – I guess I didn't really need to say anything. Arms from behind grabbed me into another hug. A hug tighter, closer, and more personal that was followed with a whisper in my ear that sent chills in me

“I'm happy to see you too, I love you .”

“I love you too ,” was my short and fast reply. I was in a daze; I don't know what happened to everything. It was all wrong, as if someone took something from you but you still don't know what they took.

We sat down at a table to eat. Soon enough, food was on the table – but I don't think I even recognized that we ever ordered anything or when it was brought. It was just there. I disregarded the thought; I was more focused on the body beside me. He hadn't let me out of arms reach since we greeted. I didn't know who he was but I just know that I know him.

I haven't said a word since the 'I love you,' I can't – I still have to observe everything. “I can't believe I made it, I can't believe it worked, I can't believe I'm here !” Crossed my mind, but I don't know where this is coming from. These aren't my thoughts, are they? They seemed to be streaming from that blocked part of me, the part that my own mind won't allow me to see or remember. But it's telling me that I knew what was going to happen and it's alright, it was the part of me that was keeping me from running away.

“When you sign the contract, your work begins immediately. But because of who you will become due to this contract, you will immediately become part of our primary objective .” A booming deep voice directed me to my future, my mind still telling me that it knows what it's doing.

“How do you know I am going to be someone in this company if I only found out about you today ?” My naïve, shrivelled voice asks.

“That is information, privileged only to those who will make you. If you learn this information, our objective will be terminated by the higher forces .” His voice seemed to become slower, deeper, and richer with each word until a shock wave was finally sent through me as it sunk in. Something told me to listen to him, something told me not to turn away.

When I signed the contract, I never understood that the objective was more powerful than anything comprehensible by me, with or without my full ability to think. I was trapped within myself when I signed that paper. What if the objective was me...to prevent me from knowing what I have found out? I knew something that they didn't want me to know – that would explain this block. But why do this to me? And what will happen when others find out too, when they learn this? Will they be terminated? Or will they be sent here, a place seeming to be filled with ones that aren’t awake, asleep, living, or dead?

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When you have a dream and remember it, you only remember certain part. And when you travel, you show up to your destination. No questions asked. Not until you are awake, do you start asking questions. When you get chased, you never seem to be able to run away, you wake up before seeing if you are caught or not. And when you fall, you never actually hit the ground. We all have the same platform when we dream. The only thing that makes it differ is your last occurring thoughts before you fall into the sleep. But, when people start seeing your face in their dreams, watching you die, and even being the ones to kill you; You know something is suppose to happen, don’t you?

I glimpsed into a mirror as we walked by one, and I didn't see anything. No reflection in the glass. I did not become surprised, as I expected this. And I did become confused as to how I knew. I kept walking, my mind walking with me.

In a few more months, we were going to capture a man and a woman. One's who would rather both die than just have one still living. An inseparable and unbreakable pair – and we were going to break them. The catch is we're going to make them know that they did something wrong. But no one is ever going to tell them what. They're going to accept responsibility of all the wrongs in their life, blame themselves and let go of each other. The point of this mission, I still don't know.

When you grasp an idea without fully understanding it, you experience a moment that is unique to only you.

By getting to know one specific persons insight when that is happening, you are revealing insight on the creation of people. Creation comes from the same place as this reaction; therefore there are no limits on the insight. This is what's happening right now.

Without limits, the world I made only contains what I want it too. The people in it are people that you do not know, but you have somehow known them your whole life.

When I resumed my school, I found everything to be the same, slowly and just barley progressing. But everything was also going extremely fast. I thought about work, tests, and home life and just that was too much at once for me to think of at once. I found a partial escape, I guess. This was taking in others pain to put aside mine. I absorbed the emotion like a sponge and it's natural for me to listen to others without actually having to say much. When it's my turn to talk, my mouth turns dry and I am silent because I’m speechless. I found a net, someone to balance out everything, my emotion and pain and others emotion and pain. He was not exactly a great influence, but I needed the balance. The more people I had going on the more confusion I made for myself, the easier it would be for me to cope.

And when I woke up again, I was lost in a place that doesn't exist. Lost someplace where if you think about something it's already there for you. I ran out of possibilities and again, closed my eyes. When I re-awoke, I was with him sitting at the table. And I knew this is where I belonged. And I knew in order to stay here I have got to comply with being part of the objective of my contract.

"Away Trains"

©Sarah Haworth. ©July 2010 – July 2011 – November 2011.