Unable to Face the World

I feel myself closing the door again

Arms outstretched, ready to heave.....

Maybe just one last push......

And the door will be closed, again.!

I´m aching inside, right up to my brain,

Can see no way out, I´m drowning again,

If closing the door,

Is my only choice, .... then I´ll be safe.

No one can reach me, when I´ve closed the door,

I curl myself up and fall to the floor

Safe in my box,

Alone........ As I´m longing to be.

The pain is too great for opening doors,

CLOSE IT!! PUSH NOW, while your arms are outstretched,

Then sigh with relief,

Your mask is in place,. The door , it is shut.

A day on the floor, curled up in my box,

Enough to embrace the love that´s inside,,

Heal all my wounds,

Let all my aches, now be replaced with strong limbs,

Limbs that can hold me up straight once more,

Spine that let´s me ´"get a grip"´once more,

Hiding the wounds,

Wearing my mask..... to face life again.

I´m not ready yet to open the door,

I look in the mirror and see all my pain,

I can´t take the strain,

Door will stay shut, a little while longer.

Back in my box , I lie there and ponder,

Over my reasons for feeling this way,

No confidence,

Self loathing instead,yet others will say,

Oh! Dim is the girl who can handle it all ,

Because I don´t show all the times that I fall

And crawl in my box,

Safe all alone, Door firmly shut....... for now.!