If I should fall in love with him one day, instead of fully trusting, I’d build a sky-high wall. Not because I wouldn’t feel as if I couldn’t let him in, but simply because I wouldn’t want to. Out of everything I’ve experienced, letting someone tear down that wall piece by piece, letting someone reveal every secret about me and inspect me from the inside out, is one of the worst things I could ever do. And even though he’d say “Baby, don’t worry” and no matter what reassuring words he’d breathe into my ears, I wouldn’t listen, couldn’t listen, and somehow I’d manage to drown him out. And no matter how far he’s looking into me through his crystal blue eyes, I wouldn’t allow myself to sink in the comforting tenderness that they offer. Because I know, I know how he is, and who he is. Because I know that I was that girl that he’d run to and I know that some other girl would take that once-open space. Originally, I just wanted to save him from himself. I wanted to heal him of his destructiveness and I wanted to comfort him the way that he never knew. There was always something about him that I wanted to reach out and touch; hold in the clammy palms of my hands and embrace; hold onto for dear life despite whatever storms would pass over us. And I didn’t want to be just another girl; I wanted to be the girl. The girl that he’d run to, not just for one thing but for everything; that he’d run to not only as an escape, but for reconciliation; for a cleaning of his soul. Even now, there is a cleansing but his soul is still dark. And I never thought I would ever say that about him because to me, he’s always had the most perfect soul; a soul that would role in transparent waves off of the coast. But the more I learn, the more I see, or rather the less I see because his darkness blurs my vision. And I love the darkness, his darkness, although I am scared, yes, maybe even terrified, but yet I still find this rare ease. And it’s the oddest thing to explain; something that is so unexplored, unchartered waters and I’m stuck tumbling beneath his waves. And already I know that my once sparkling soul is beginning to be poisoned. I can feel it eating me alive, and most of the time it stings but I never stop chasing those waves. I only reach higher into the clouds in order to observe the world below. And his soul is the storm which is invading the puffy clouded blue sky, turning it completely black. And when he speaks, I hear the thunder erupting in loud bursts and when I look at him, the light reflecting in his eyes is like flashes of lightening. Each gaze sends an electrical shock through my body and each jolt hurts a little more than the last, but I embrace the storm and I dance in the rain. And no matter how the acid drops may burn my skin, I will never leave. But if I should fall in love with this natural disaster, I could only hope that the storm should pass quickly; that the rain will disappear and the sky will become clear again and the only thing that could be seen is the shining sun and the only thing heard is the song singing birds. That instead of gasping for air beneath polluted waters, I’d be able to elegantly swim in the crystal blue waves off the shore; that I’d be the girl that could save him from his own worst enemy. If I should fall in love, I would be terrified that the storm should return, but I learned to look for the sunrise past the horizon. And I know deep down, that this sunrise, his sunrise, would be the one sunrise which I would die for if it meant that I could capture it in my eyes.
This doesn't belong in the forums. It's worth making it into a hub.
Copyright © 2024 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. HubPages® is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website.
Copyright © 2024 Maven Media Brands, LLC and respective owners.
As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.
For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy
Show DetailsNecessary | |
---|---|
HubPages Device ID | This is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons. |
Login | This is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service. |
Google Recaptcha | This is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy) |
Akismet | This is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy) |
HubPages Google Analytics | This is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy) |
HubPages Traffic Pixel | This is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized. |
Amazon Web Services | This is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy) |
Cloudflare | This is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy) |
Google Hosted Libraries | Javascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy) |
Features | |
---|---|
Google Custom Search | This is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy) |
Google Maps | Some articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy) |
Google Charts | This is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy) |
Google AdSense Host API | This service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy) |
Google YouTube | Some articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy) |
Vimeo | Some articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy) |
Paypal | This is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy) |
Facebook Login | You can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy) |
Maven | This supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy) |
Marketing | |
---|---|
Google AdSense | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Google DoubleClick | Google provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Index Exchange | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Sovrn | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Facebook Ads | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Amazon Unified Ad Marketplace | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
AppNexus | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Openx | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Rubicon Project | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
TripleLift | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Say Media | We partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy) |
Remarketing Pixels | We may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites. |
Conversion Tracking Pixels | We may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service. |
Statistics | |
---|---|
Author Google Analytics | This is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy) |
Comscore | ComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy) |
Amazon Tracking Pixel | Some articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy) |
Clicksco | This is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy) |