If I should fall in love with him one day, instead of fully trusting, I’d build a sky-high wall. Not because I wouldn’t feel as if I couldn’t let him in, but simply because I wouldn’t want to. Out of everything I’ve experienced, letting someone tear down that wall piece by piece, letting someone reveal every secret about me and inspect me from the inside out, is one of the worst things I could ever do. And even though he’d say “Baby, don’t worry” and no matter what reassuring words he’d breathe into my ears, I wouldn’t listen, couldn’t listen, and somehow I’d manage to drown him out. And no matter how far he’s looking into me through his crystal blue eyes, I wouldn’t allow myself to sink in the comforting tenderness that they offer. Because I know, I know how he is, and who he is. Because I know that I was that girl that he’d run to and I know that some other girl would take that once-open space. Originally, I just wanted to save him from himself. I wanted to heal him of his destructiveness and I wanted to comfort him the way that he never knew. There was always something about him that I wanted to reach out and touch; hold in the clammy palms of my hands and embrace; hold onto for dear life despite whatever storms would pass over us. And I didn’t want to be just another girl; I wanted to be the girl. The girl that he’d run to, not just for one thing but for everything; that he’d run to not only as an escape, but for reconciliation; for a cleaning of his soul. Even now, there is a cleansing but his soul is still dark. And I never thought I would ever say that about him because to me, he’s always had the most perfect soul; a soul that would role in transparent waves off of the coast. But the more I learn, the more I see, or rather the less I see because his darkness blurs my vision. And I love the darkness, his darkness, although I am scared, yes, maybe even terrified, but yet I still find this rare ease. And it’s the oddest thing to explain; something that is so unexplored, unchartered waters and I’m stuck tumbling beneath his waves. And already I know that my once sparkling soul is beginning to be poisoned. I can feel it eating me alive, and most of the time it stings but I never stop chasing those waves. I only reach higher into the clouds in order to observe the world below. And his soul is the storm which is invading the puffy clouded blue sky, turning it completely black. And when he speaks, I hear the thunder erupting in loud bursts and when I look at him, the light reflecting in his eyes is like flashes of lightening. Each gaze sends an electrical shock through my body and each jolt hurts a little more than the last, but I embrace the storm and I dance in the rain. And no matter how the acid drops may burn my skin, I will never leave. But if I should fall in love with this natural disaster, I could only hope that the storm should pass quickly; that the rain will disappear and the sky will become clear again and the only thing that could be seen is the shining sun and the only thing heard is the song singing birds. That instead of gasping for air beneath polluted waters, I’d be able to elegantly swim in the crystal blue waves off the shore; that I’d be the girl that could save him from his own worst enemy. If I should fall in love, I would be terrified that the storm should return, but I learned to look for the sunrise past the horizon. And I know deep down, that this sunrise, his sunrise, would be the one sunrise which I would die for if it meant that I could capture it in my eyes.
This doesn't belong in the forums. It's worth making it into a hub.
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