Decided to plagiarize my own website. An open forum; anything goes. I'll start. A former hub. It really is too bad flash fiction does not pay; they are so much fun.
How I Got My Armadillo
I decided I wanted an armadillo. Actually I have always wanted an armadillo. It’s just now I finally decided to do something about it.
I visited several pet shops. No armadillos.
I went to some animal shelters. No armadillos.
I finally went online. There were indeed armadillos. But it appears the Environmental Protection Agency also really likes armadillos. So much so that all the paperwork and other bureaucracy made it impossible to get one.
What was an armadillo lover to do?
I thought and thought. And then the brilliant idea occurred…
I went and bought myself a 3-D printer. They seem to be on sale all over the place now. Mine even had voice capability.
I took it home. I started reading the directions. Everything was fine. Until I got to the chapter on raw materials…
What raw material does one use to print an armadillo? I looked in the index. Nothing there regarding armadillos. Looks like I was stumped… But then I heard a noise at the window.
It was one of the neighborhood cats. I opened the window and brought him inside. I explained the situation to him. He wanted no part of it. I reminded him that he still had eight lives left and threw in a bribe that I’d feed him for a week. He thought about it and then agreed.
I put the cat in the printer.
I fired up the printer. “One armadillo,” said I.
“Specifications please,” said the printer.
Back to the instruction manual… There it was. Got to get the printing specifications/patterns for any given item one wishes to print.
Back online. To my utter lack of surprise, there were no armadillo schematics to be found. But then I had the insight to narrow my search. I limited it to .gov sites. The NSA popped up. I went there. And there it was. Armadillo schematic 42.
“What are they doing with that?” I wondered.
There was a comment box, but I decided not to ask. Downloaded the specs and departed.
Transferred the specs to the printer. The printer made various noises. Time passed. Sure enough, an armadillo began to appear. Took about a half-hour, but there it was. One complete armadillo.
It wasn’t moving.
“It’s not moving,” I told the printer.
“Taser it,” said the printer.
So I did. Apparently the spark-of-life thing. The armadillo stood up.
That got my attention. Being stalked would be frightening. I didn't think of that, at all. When you do that much work to create a web site I'm sure it's nice to get feedback. I'm just a natural born commenter (my spell check is flagging that) anyway.