Making moments

1. 61

   Meliloves2writeposted 15 years ago

   HI all! So im in a play right now called Passion, Promise, Promiscuity, The Sex Lives of Teens. In our rehearsals we get to be playwrights and make our own moments which is awesome because i have never done anything like this before! So we create moments about teens and how they have to deal with their sex lives or non existant sex lives and than when we create the scene we get to vote on which one we liked and than put it in the play! So far everybody has loved my moments and I would like to share a couple with you
   
   Fantasy
   
   Guy comes into room with backpack and sets it down he sits on bed hunched over
   He closes his eyes and starts to imagine the girl again
   Girl enters room from no where
   Guy opens eyes and sees her
   They look at each other than she takes his hand
   Music comes on
   They start to dance and dance for a couple minutes she lays her head on his shoulder than it goes black
   Music stops and guy is still hunched over bed with eyes open than lights come up he sighs than cups hand to face and falls on bed backwards and than lights go out again
   End
   
   Homophobe
   At a slumber party bunch of girls in a room
   
   Isabella: So girls what do you wanna talk about?
   Chastity: Well we could talk about boys!
   (Everybody says hell yes)
   Darla: So lets just tell stories of how we can use our charm to get guys
   Carla: Ok! Ill go first so I remember this one time this guy was across the room and I walked over to him and adjusted my bra strap and he asked for my number right than and there!
   (Everybody laughs and giggles)
   Isabella: Ok your turn charise
   Charise: I dont really have a boy story, but its still cool
   Isbella: Ok tell us
   I kissed a girl once
   (Everybody is shocked)
   Why?
   Charise: (she hesitates) just to see what it was like, no big deal right?
   Isabella: (gives her a mean look) it's a huge deal, if you like girls and are a lesbian, than we cant have you spend the night anymore.
   Charise: (gets scared than gains composure) dont worry im not, (giggles) it was just a joke anyway!
   (they all laugh except Isabella)
   Isabella: ugh huh ok well whatever lets play a game!
   Everybody pauses
   Charise turns towards audience
   
   I cant believe that I almost told them that Im a lesbian, ill never be able to talk or see them again if I do tell them. I hope I can get through the rest of the night without letting them know, ugh I wish this was easier.
   End
   
   Poetry for the Soul
   Little girl talking to stuffed animal on the floor
   
   So for me, poetry opens up all my thoughts and puts them in order, all my emotions collaborate and mingle to form wonderful phrases of expression. Lets just say its my way of coping with a world that doesnt understand how I feel. I have never shared any of my poetry to anyone and feel that in some way I have to so that I can overcome holding all my emotions inside that bump into each other and fight, for their freedom of speech.
   Ill now share some of these poems to you I hope my feelings dont overcome me.
   
   My soul is like a temple
   Teeming high above the trees
   My voice is like a river mingling with the stream
   With my emotions floating through the wind
   My breath so hazy now and my heart beating from within
   
   Ok so its not like real poems or anything I mean like some of them are but sometimes I just need to release my emotions somehow because if I share my emotions to anybody they just wouldnt understand, I get so confused of things and my life changes all the time. Poems release my words into the world and thats when I feel like im healing, from my horrible life in this house of mine, where I get abused and mistreated for everything I do, why me I always ask myself why me?  So ya!Ill read one more to you (holds onto animals arms) but please dont tell anybody about our talking here, I like to keep secrets from the world, they are the only things I can hang onto.
   
   Love passion rage
   Lust care trust
   All these things he is
   All these things he's not
   What to do in this time of need
   Anger out on me, anger out on me
   Why this? Why now?
   He says he will change
   But his love wont change
   It will stay the same
   He will stay the same
   In need of time
   In need of understanding life
   Something to pull me in
   Draw me back
   A kiss in the night
   A silent kiss in the dark
   To remember what its like
   To remember how to feel
   This passion inside my heart that's real
   
   So ya! thanks for listening! (grabs animal and hugs it)
   End

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2. 0

   YellowBrickRoseposted 15 years ago

   You really seem to have a lot of good things to say! I enjoyed the first part the most, because it was very simple but seemed to have a lot of meaning in it.
   
   However, the biggest weakness of the pieces is the dialogue. I can't honestly believe that girls really talk like that, and I am a girl. Very few friends come right out and say "If you're different, we won't accept you" or even begin a casual discussion by saying "What should we talk about?"
   
   Also, the girl in the last piece--how old is she supposed to be? I can't imagine a very young girl saying stuff like "teeming" and "collaborate" unless she has an advanced vocabulary for someone her age! Also, what role does the stuffed animal play? Is it just a prop? Does she "listen" for it's replies? Or is it just there to emphasis her youth?
   
   Also--"Where I get abused and mistreated"--how? Is she ignored by her parents? Neglected? Sexually molested? Or is she just a kid who feels like nobody really understands her? Most young children can only put their abuse in simple terms like "people make me feel bad" or "they do things to me that I don't like." Leaving it vague is perfectly acceptable if it sounds like something a real kid might say.
   
   My advice is to do a little research on how people really talk. Listen in on conversations with your friends and notice speech patterns, topics, etc and maybe take notes. This will help you make your characters sound and act a lot more like real people, which in turn will help you create a more powerful, provocative play. Good luck!

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