The red shiny shoe lay on the grass beside.................... How would you end this sentence?
It is interesting how even with one sentence the differences between each writer's imagination and style is apparent. How would you end the sentence above? Reading it back, is it setting up for a happy or tragic storyline?
the carefree child. My first thought was to go dark but this brought a smile to my face and I hope it does yours as well.
the princess towel while the little girl went swimming. It's so easy to go perverted with this sentence, but then you think about all the little girls that love wearing their shiny red shoes.
Dorothy as home she arrived with Toto by her side. Couldn't resist the Wizard of Oz theme.
Lesley as she stretched on the gingham picnic rug nibbling the cucumber sandwich in Daniel's hand.
The red shiny shoe lay on the grass beside the slumbering woman. Free and shoeless she dreamed dreams of what life might be if only she could surrender. The "shoulds" and voices of "wisdom" had guided her away from her dreams and towards "what is best" her entire life. She was tired of shoes and dresses and masks--of playing the role of the happy executive and satisfied wife. Her phone buzzed, alerting her that her power nap was over. She awoke to the sight of sunlight dancing across the red shoe. It was indeed a reflection--an image of a life she never meant to live. She reached for shoe and then hesitated. A thought she'd never before considered crossed her mind...
the river , along with her dress ,neatly folded underwear and I'm sure beneath the scant pile , her other shoe! The dress was the giveaway though , the only way for me to know that it was a woman ! At least until I saw her there , bathing in the quiet of the little whitewater river . Nude , softly tanned and soo wet , she swam from one boulder to another , finally emerging from the shallows though , I almost spoke to warn her and yet I could not ! There she stood a mature and awesomely beautiful maiden ! The water beaded on her breasts , the sun touching her in places that only a lucky lucky man could have been blessed to explore .
"The red shiny shoe lay on the grass beside ..."
The word placement here forces a literally "bloody image," as far as I am concerned. The placement of "red" before "shiny" makes it jarring to look at by the sheer awkwardness (a shiny shoe is awkwardly called red, but red shoe is fittingly shiny. consider "new shiny shoes" vs "shiny new shoes," for example), and so forces my eyes to consider the implications of "red" here. Considering the stress on red, I almost (not quite. again: a little awkward) see the shoe as coloured red by something that is not inherent to the shoe (like blood or spilled paint).
Further, the Red/Green opposition (They are literally opposite colours) makes the scene, for me, disturbing. By that I mean that it is a jarring or unnatural image to look at. This effect is doubled by the contrary state of the civil/natural "red shiny shoes," which read most likely as dancing shoes or heels, and the grass.
Honestly I think that you can change this into whatever you want by tacking on any ending, but I do think that the power of the statement is lost on a more complacent image. However, that's not to say that it has to be "horrific" (which my "bloody image" might have implied), because it can also be very sexual (blood being fertility).
"The red shiny shoe lay on the grass beside her pale body."
I had a sexual example, but I felt that it didn't contain itself within the passage at all, and required some external reference (either prior reference to sex or one to follow) or some exceptional wordiness. But I don't write so who knows haha.
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