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A poem about not missing a father

Updated on October 20, 2011

Isn't there a saying that everyone has Daddy Issues?

Some of our fathers couldn't be pleased. Some didn't pay attention. Some drank either to cope or forget and then forgot to return. Some left in other ways. Either by death or by choice. People who say they have few issues with their fathers and are happy with them are so beyond my line of experience. I've come to liken the word "father" with pain.

I think I miss the idea

of having a father more than I miss the actual man, for any mention of him just opens a can of worms I rarely want to face. So here I am trying to work through it all. And as so many do, I'm attempting it through poetry. Enjoy it or embrace it or feel it or relate. Whichever. Happy reading.

Here are my brother and niece play fighting at Christmas 4 years ago. Scott is one of the few good fathers I know.
Here are my brother and niece play fighting at Christmas 4 years ago. Scott is one of the few good fathers I know.

Not Missing A Father

Through inky black ferns
in the darkness of yearn-
ings. in the night of a
daughter's last hopes.

I take myself back
to where I once knew you.
back to where I thought
I'd one day become you.

I used to wish to touch. to scrape my fingers
across your scruff and see your fluff
of a head.
Is it thinning even more?

I used to wish to see. to create a memory
of your face to my brain
from back when.
when I was your little girl.

I used to wish to hear. to have my ears stretch
at the sound of my name
when you called.
But I've lost the sound of your voice.

It's somewhere in the darkest place of my heart
where I can neither see
nor touch you
where I refuse to hear you calling.

Distance has changed
and with it separated
my yearnings.

Calling? You've never done that.
I suppose you've lost me too.

© 2011 Jennifer Kessner

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    • profile image

      Binaya.Ghimire 5 years ago

      Father's day in Nepali tradition will be here in almost one week time. You just reminded me of my father.

    • profile image

      kaceybabe 5 years ago

      i know this feeling totally, and there is something so painful about it! dont you just hate the fact that they seem to pretend you dont even exist :| lovely piece of writing babe but im sorry you have to go through this. x

    • Kristen Haynie profile image

      Kristen Haynie 5 years ago from Modesto, CA

      Absolutely beautiful! I am so very sorry that you are experiencing these feelings toward your father. This hub is amazing, though, and you have a lovely way of expressing yourself. I wish you the best.

    • Meisjunk profile image
      Author

      Jennifer Kessner 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      @Binaya.Ghimire: I hope it's a happy day for you! Despite my feelings about fathers, there really are good fathers out there. If nothing else, I hope you see at least one example that day. =) Thanks for dropping by.

      @kaceybabe: Pretend we don't exist, make new lives, and then they go and screw those ones up too! Fatherhood needs to be taught as something precious. Maybe then everyone would take it a little more seriously. Thanks for the comment. xox

      @Kristen: Thanks so much! I'm hoping that expressing myself on here and through my poetry will help me understand the expressions themselves. XD Thanks for the comment and the wishes. =)

    • Victoria Lynn profile image

      Victoria Lynn 5 years ago from Arkansas, USA

      Meisjunk--your poem game me chills. I think that many people have father issues, sadly. I have a number of books on the link of fathers to self-esteem, especially in daughters. Having a close relationship with a dad is sometimes elusive. I could empathize with you in reading the poem. Enjoyed the hub. Beautiful, awesome, voted up!

    • Meisjunk profile image
      Author

      Jennifer Kessner 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      @Victoria: Thank you. =) Yes, unfortunately fatherhood means much, much more than it is given credit for or expected to be. Thanks again for reading and the votes.

    • kerlynb profile image

      kerlynb 5 years ago from Philippines, Southeast Asia, Earth ^_^

      @Meisjunk Society often expects normalcy and often thinks people have to have good fathers. Unfortunately, as you've said, some fathers just disappear or do bad things. Hopefully, all kids without fathers or those with fathers they'd rather forget about can find healing, much love and support from people around them. BTW, LOVE this hub. Bookmarking it now.

    • kittythedreamer profile image

      Nicole Canfield 5 years ago from the Ether

      I have to be honest and tell you that this brought tears to my eyes, truthfully. I'm going through the exact same feelings as you...the exact same emptiness towards my father. This poem describes it to a T. My father is a pastor and NEVER calls me. He lives in MD and I live in FL but he never makes an effort to see me or my family. He literally "vowed" to me three weeks ago that he would be a better father to me and I haven't received a single call from him since. Pathetic excuse for a father. My husband and my grandfather and stepfather are the three great fathers that I know...I know that it's painful and I feel your pain, personally.

    • Meisjunk profile image
      Author

      Jennifer Kessner 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      @kerlynb: Thanks for the comment and the support! =) You're right in that it does always help to have a support system. I myself am lucky for my brothers, step-dad, and grandfather. If only that would completely cancel out the pain!

      @Kitty: I'm sorry you understand something as painful as this. =( It never stops mattering. My father made the same exact promise to me when I was 16. We chatted on MSN for two weeks before he started the old blame game about my mother and guilt tripping me to try and get me to be on his side. Seeing that he truly was an emotional manipulator pissed me off, and I blew up on him. He didn't even hesitate to disown me. I truly hope that your father puts in an actual effort.

    • justateacher profile image

      LaDena Campbell 5 years ago from Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Near Oz...

      It is sad to think that there are so many fathers in this world like the one you described. I was one of the lucky ones - I have had two wonderful fathers. They weren't perfect in every way, but they both loved me and took care of me and made sure they told me on every occasion how special my siblings and I were to them. (My natural father died when I was 11 and years later, mom married my second dad...)

    • Meisjunk profile image
      Author

      Jennifer Kessner 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      @Justateacher: I'm so glad that you've been that lucky! Hearing that gives me much hope about if and when I have family of my own. I hope I make my future kids the lucky ones! I'm sure you cherish every moment you had with your natural father, and I hope you continue to do that with your living one. =)

    • justateacher profile image

      LaDena Campbell 5 years ago from Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Near Oz...

      To give even more hope, my daughters also have men that are great fathers to their sons....they are out there!

    • Meisjunk profile image
      Author

      Jennifer Kessner 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Awesome! =) That's great the hear.

    • Shamsud profile image

      Shamsud 5 years ago from India

      Beautifully written...Thank you for sharing. I have few poems to share with you...hope you like them : http://iamdirtyineedwashing.blogspot.in/ These are from my recently published book.

    • Meisjunk profile image
      Author

      Jennifer Kessner 5 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Thanks for reading! I hope your book does well. =)

    • red mermaid profile image

      red mermaid 4 years ago

      This poem is so beautiful, yet so sad.

    • Meisjunk profile image
      Author

      Jennifer Kessner 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Thanks for the comment! That pretty much sums it up about the sad part.

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