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Buck’s two cents worth 1

Updated on March 29, 2011
Dairy farmers get on my goat
Dairy farmers get on my goat | Source

Phil's mate speaks out - Buck's two cents worth

Hi, my name is Buck and my mate Phil has agreed to let me put a couple of posts up because I kept nagging him and chewing on the washing until he agreed. I'd like to get a few things off my chest about dairy farmers or as we call them cow cockies


There’s a lot of fuss about dairy farmers and the mess they make of the environment. Well if you want my opinion, the cockies aren’t the main ones to blame; it’s those bloody filthy cattle. They’ve got no sense of decorum and they just don’t care where they go, do they? They eat a lousy diet that leads to an even more unpleasant by-product and they don’t even produce a decent product along the way.

I mean cow’s milk – yukko! It’s full of fat and strontium 90, and...well it comes out of a filthy smelly cow, for goodness sake.

No, dairy farmers need to wake up and smell the effluent. Farming those huge smelly beasts is a mug’s game. They’re clumsy as hell, always breaking the ball-cocks on their drinking troughs, and sticking their big fat heads through your fences and buggering up the tension on them. Whenever it rains they turn your paddock into a wallow and when was the last time you saw one clear out a blackberry patch or get rid of your ragwort problem?

They think they’re the elite of the New Zealand farming world just because they’ve taken over from sheep. Well to be higher ranked than a brain dead sheep is hardly the mark of recognition most of us strive for.

Nah, dairy cows are useless as tits on a bull.

If these farmers want to become milkmen, they should start with some decent milk producers – like goats of course.  Sensitive, attractive and fragrant beings producing a product that is low in fat, high in goodness and it attracts a premium price. And as a bonus, we look after your paddocks for you and repel intruders (unless they come bearing treats of course). And it was goat’s milk that has built such magnificent specimens as my humble self. What better recommendation could you have than that?



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    • profile imageAUTHOR

      Phil Ossifer 

      7 years ago from New Zealand

      Thank you so much. Actually goats have been writing for years. If you don't believe me just read some of the legislation our governments have written. No human ever wrote that stuff!

    • lisa42 profile image


      7 years ago from Sacramento

      Wow, I had no idea that goats could type or that they were so funny. :-)


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