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sayings used by medical people
This is a quick down and dirty definition of sayings and medical terms used in the everyday lives of medical staff in the USA. It is by no means definitive.. and continues to grow. But it should be noted that a strange humor is invoked with these sayings.... and so, I wish to share them with you so that the next time you hear these things.... maybe it will bring a smile to your face.
"All bleeding stops eventually."
That is a true statement if there ever was one. Just think about it, the next time you cut your finger.
"Oral surgery is true preventative dentistry...........Once that tooth is out, it will never bother you again."
Another true statement.
"Tooth to tattoo ratio.' Meaning the more the tattoes, the less teeth one has.....
"Nurses have a great job. They starve you when you go to surgery. They steal your underwear when you go to surgery. They get to stick you with an IV, and while doing so they get to hit you to pop your viens up. It gives a whole new meaning to service with a smile."
"Mountain Dew is a dentist's best friend."
"Acute abdomen." This doesn't mean that your belly is cute. it means that there is a major problem involved.
"If a pt with appendicitis says to you my side no longer hurts." It is now the epitome of an acute abdomen, because the appendix has ruptured.
"Code blue." The patient's heart has stopped or is in respiratory distress, which means CPR is involved.
"Code brown." Patient has lost control of his bowels and needs cleaned up.
"Code yellow." The same as above only with urine.
"Code green." The same as above only with vomit.
"black tarry stools." The patient has a gastrointestinal bleed, probably high up.
"Red raspberry stools." The patient has a lower gastrointestinal bleed.
"Hemmorrhoids." A patient's nightmare and a general surgeon's dream.... easy surgery and easy money.
"Bright red emesis." This is an indicator of an upper gastrointestinal bleed. Really bad news, and can cause major problems, including death if it cannot be stopped.
"Anesthesia rules the roost." It is anesthesia that controls the way a surgery goes... It he says stop, the surgeon has to. If he will not clear a patient for surgery, the patient does not go to the OR.
"Medicine doctors are thinkers. Surgeons are doers." Call a medicine doctor with a high blood pressure, nine times out of ten he will say, take it again in an hour. Translation: I will read the patient's medical history and then think about which pill to give. Call a surgeon? Give him apresaline now. Neither is right or wrong... persay... The patient could stroke while waiting on the medicine doctor to make up his mind... or the patient could bottom his pressure severely from giving the apresaline order from the surgeon.
"Right sided abdominal pain in a female patient." If a medical doctor sees this patient in the er, it could be diagnosed as constipation. If a surgeon sees her, it could be diagnosed as appendicitis. If a GYN doctor sees her, it could be an ovarian cyst..... Remember MDs tend to focus on their specialty.
"Doctors tend to decrease the amount of blood loss by half when seeing it. Nurses tend to increase the amount of blood loss by half when seeing it." Blood loss is important. The term oozing comes into play. Nurse overreact because their scope cannot really stop bleeding. MDs tend to back off because then they might have to do something.
"Strict intake and outputs." Not so easily done... especially if the patient is incontinent. Folks that cannot hold their urine to use a bedpan or urinal, really cannot be on this kind of regimen. MDs get upset with nurses when they see 7 bed changes. Oh, well.
"Chest pain." One would think that is pretty descriptive. Heartburn can exhibit heart attack like symptoms. Cardiac pain can be very confusing in description especially in women. Many a dentist has diagnosed a heart attack when people come in with a neck/jaw pain.
"I went to the orthopedic surgeon for my right shoulder pain, only to be told it was my gall bladder." This is a a common mistake related to the fact that gall bladder pain can radiate up into the shoulder.
Now for some personality traits to each specialty... these are generalizations, not meant to offend anyone, but are witnessed by nurses and doctors alike.
"Orthopedic surgeons are frustrated carpenters."
"Neurosurgeons think they are gods, Cardiologists know they are gods."
"PACU nurses... or recovery room nurses do not really like to talk with patients and get to know them, their interaction is timed to an hour per patient and they focus on getting the patient out within that hour.
"OR nurses. Love instruments, and the control of technique in the OR. They do not need to get close to their patients either since they know the interaction with them will be less than an hour. They are into precision and counting... ie, needle counts, instrument counts, and sponge counts. Leaving something inside a patient during surgery is a very real possiblitlity."
"Surgical floor nurses... task oriented. Love tubes, and drains, and getting patients out of bed and moving. Goals? Prevent Pneumonia, prevent infection, and prevent muscle weakness and bed sores from lying in bed too long."
"Medical floor nurses... Cerebral like their MD counterparts... If I give this pill, it will affect the kidneys... etc... etc... Thinkers, slow movers, simply because of the beast that they have to fight."
"Psych nurses... Caring for the most part, but very cynical by nature. Learn quickly how to try to diffuse the situation or take down a violent patient. They tend to live in a paranoid world because the patient can turn on them any minute."
"Unit nurses tend to be owners of one or two patients. They concetrate on their two trees in the forest of their unit. They are about precision. When a patient gets extubated and off the vent, and starts talking, it is time to move them out of the unit."
"Pediatric nurses... must love children and be intuitive more so than any other nurse since children cannot convey verbally sometimes when something is wrong. They live in the tiny world of kids, minute doses of medicine, calculations that have to be exact due to the fact the child could die if not given right."
"OB nurses... live in a constant state of awareness. If the delivery goes well, all is good, but they are there to wait to see if the shoe is about to drop. Emergency C sections, baby demise, premature labor they are trying to stop with medicines.... it can be the most rewarding and the most devastating of all nursing.... And they have two patients to consider at all times, mom and the baby.... then add into the mix dysfunctional families and it is a very tough area to work."
"Neonatal nurses... The nurses that take care of the two pounders... and sometimes less. There is nothing so heart breaking as seeing a premmie try to breath... of watching the little one die in front of you. When they survive it brings joy and meaning, but a fifty fifty chance is the rule... Medicine doses have to be checked and confirmed due to the minuscule amounts used. Hope springs eternal are their by line, as they deal with parents who are equally as devastated and have poor coping skills, especially amongst the teen parents or the ones who are IVDAs."
Our nursing schools are churning out nurses left and right now due to the economy. The nursing shortage really does not exist. The schools only accept those who are 4.0 grade point averages and pass many stringent steps to get into a program. I wonder about that sometimes... Nurses that can pass tests and do well in school do not always do well in the reality of what being a nurse is. Ah well, as the economy rebounds, these folk will move on if all they see is it being just a job. It isn't. It is a calling and a profession. It is taking care of people's needs and wants and hopefully at the end of a shift, everyone has the following... A blood pressure, a pulse, and have peed. That means it was a good shift.
Below are some videos for your enjoyment. I do not own any of this nor do i get any compensation on what I write on here. The above are my own thoughts, which you may agree or disagree.... I have only been a nurse for twenty nine years. take care and please leave comments... thank you.