ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Home»
  • Home Furnishings»
  • Beds

7 Reasons Why Taking A Zombie Home Is A Bad Idea

Updated on August 26, 2011

7 Reasons Why This Is Not Such A Good Idea

 This is a hubpage that deals with a problem and it entails the very serious issue of why you should not take a zombie home with you after a night out or a day out, it's a very resourceful hub and one that should be taken seriously at all times.

I remember once when I took a zombie home with me one night, it turned out to be a dead end...

Reason one: They probably smell bad!

As they are rotting they smell quite nasty, if you live with someone they will be put off by the smell and if you still live with your parents then watch that carpet or you'll be in trouble.

Even a little deodourant won't work, it is quite safe to assume that bad smells from a zombie is just plain sickly, it could depend on what they had to eat, such as foot and mouth burger or some other zombie fast food available from your local McDonalds.

Reason Two: They aren't Very Sociable

Trying to talk to a zombie is like talking to a brick wall for a laugh, they don't find your jokes funny, except the one about shooting through the brain to kill them because zombies can't be killed...Return of the living dead had the right idea there!

A zombies vocabulary consists of ugg and uuugghhhhh and uuuggghhhh again! So if ever you fancy a bit of conversation with the dead don't bother it is quite useless to achieve any results from this activity.

Reason Three: Get Your Coat You've Pulled!

Had one too may drinks and you fancy getting jiggy with your new found zombie friend, don't!! you'll regret it in the morning as you wake up and see the face of the dead making you breakfast whilst dropping maggots on to your toast...in all likelihood this will make you slightly queasy.

Your bed will be soiled!

Reason Four: They Could Bite!

When you are trying to make a cup of tea for your undead friend it could result in a bite which would in turn transform you into a zombie and this would most certainly ruin your day with bad luck ever after.

Zombie bites may be unhygienic and cause a slight rash.

Reason Five: They Aren't Nice To Look At!

I suppose it is dependent on what the state of decomposition is, but generally they do look awful even on a good day, make up is out of the question and making them wear smart clothes won't work either..so they are shit out of luck!

Reason Six: They'd Take Forever To Pass You The TV Remote

Excuse me zombie bitch! Could you pass me the TV remote...Ugg!

8 hours pass and their arm has snapped off whilst scratching their arse on the way to pick up the remote, you realize you have grown a beard even though you are a woman!! In the time that it took to get the remote, the zombie fumbles the remote and drops it in the decaying corpse of some poor victim who was just a light snack in between the commercials...Forget it you say! Ugg says the zombie!

Reason Seven: They'll Pebble Dash Your Toilet!

They may have a few issues with digestive health and that sort of thing, so letting them near your toilet is just bad, staining could occur of the enamel on the ubend and pebble dashed zombie plop just aint my idea of something that I would want to clean up.

I don't know where that sweetcorn came from!!!

So there you have it 7 very good reasons why you don't want a zombie coming back to your house..It's just bad all round!

Don't Take The Zombie Home!!

Flickr Image By 米死米(MSM) At http://www.flickr.com/photos/msmelva
Flickr Image By 米死米(MSM) At http://www.flickr.com/photos/msmelva

Any Other Reasons You Can Think Of?

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Sunnyglitter profile image

      Sunnyglitter 6 years ago from Cyberspace

      LOL this was pretty funny.

    • waynet profile image
      Author

      Wayne Tully 6 years ago from Hull City United Kingdom

      Cheers now Mieka!

      Glad it made you laugh....

    • Mieka profile image

      Mieka 6 years ago

      Haha, this is an amazing hub!! I laughed out loud, while reading this in the library, I have a bright red face now, because of several people looking at me strangely :s

    • profile image

      Canly 7 years ago

      I do not believe there are such

    • waynet profile image
      Author

      Wayne Tully 7 years ago from Hull City United Kingdom

      No...that's just sick sick!

    • LeanMan profile image

      Tony 7 years ago from At the Gemba

      Should I get into bestiality, necrophilia and sadism, or would I just be flogging a dead horse?? Please advise..

    • waynet profile image
      Author

      Wayne Tully 8 years ago from Hull City United Kingdom

      Princessa - Maybe you're right...the ones from 30 days of night won't be much fun though!!

    • waynet profile image
      Author

      Wayne Tully 8 years ago from Hull City United Kingdom

      wandererh - Cris A had nightmares too taking a zombie home...the crazy madster!!

    • waynet profile image
      Author

      Wayne Tully 8 years ago from Hull City United Kingdom

      Cris A - And how was the zombie?

      Any signs of the 7 reasons I wrote about...sometimes they try to trick you into thinking that they is normal people.

    • Princessa profile image

      Wendy Iturrizaga 8 years ago from France

      Scary... I think vampires might be a better idea for me :)

    • waynet profile image
      Author

      Wayne Tully 8 years ago from Hull City United Kingdom

      goldentoad - No you shouldn't be offended at all...any kind of feedback is an acknowledgement of the fact!! I've just been hit with the I am shit in bed...a little harsh I know...but I washed my own sheets myself!!

    • waynet profile image
      Author

      Wayne Tully 8 years ago from Hull City United Kingdom

      kpfingaz - I agree toilets and zombies do not gel that's why the warning's there!!

    • profile image

      Nancy's Niche 8 years ago

      Pretty funny!

    • wandererh profile image

      David Lim 8 years ago from Singapore

      I'm going to have nightmares tonight! :)

    • Cris A profile image

      Cris A 8 years ago from Manila, Philippines

      This should have been great if it were posted before I actually took home one! LOL Thanks for the fun read :D

    • goldentoad profile image

      goldentoad 8 years ago from Free and running....

      Also should I be offended I was told I was a zombie in bed?

    • kpfingaz profile image

      kpfingaz 8 years ago from ~~~

      Oh shoots that last part was just effin nasty. Mixing zombies and toilets is a degree colder than nasty. Ugg!

    • waynet profile image
      Author

      Wayne Tully 8 years ago from Hull City United Kingdom

      Yes you can...wait a minute!! Sick Sick SICK!!!

    • goldentoad profile image

      goldentoad 8 years ago from Free and running....

      I'm glad to know I can still at least make love to them if I'm drunk enough.