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Avoid The Fires Of Hell | How To Fold A Towel The Right Way

Updated on May 20, 2009

Would YOU trust this woman to fold a towel?

Some things in life are more important than others. Perhaps most important of all domestic duties is proper towel folding. We live in a world of declining standards and decaying morality. There is little we can do about most of the changes which seem to be sweeping society with the broom of decadence, but we can fight back within our own homes and airing cupboards.

Folding towels the right was is how we strike back at evil in the world. So, without further ado, I shall enlighten you as to the proper way to fold a towel.

  • Fold the towel in half, so that it makes a square.

  • Take a third of this square and fold it into the middle.

  • Do the same with the other remaining third.

You should now have a tidily folded towel of righteousness.

Of course, opinions vary on how a towel should really be folded. Some convict succubi (such as Martha Stewart) believe that one should not see the edges of a towel. Like a cucumber sandwich, a properly folded towel should be edgeless.

To follow Martha in her descent to oblivion, fold a towel thus:

  • Spread the towel out.

  • Fold it into thirds lengthways.

  • Flip bottom edge up to meet the top edge.

Turn the bottom edge up to the top once more. (Not the old bottom edge, the new bottom edge. Doing things otherwise would be nigh impossible.)

Et voila! You have a sinfully folded towel!

The Military have their own ways of folding towels of course. I firmly believe that military matters should be kept secret as a matter of national, nay, international security. I have provided some of the instructions for folding towels military style, however some parts have been censored to keep the troops safe.

  • Fold the towel in half width ways.

  • Fold XXXXX again, this time XXXXX.

  • XXXX the XXXXX in thirds.

  • Stack in closet, then prepare for an offensive.

You can probably fill in the blanks, but doing so is an insult to the memory of soldiers everywhere.

Now that you've been shown the correct way to fold a towel, spread the word amongst your friends. Chances are that they have never been shown how to correctly fold a towel and are just doing it any which way. If you happen to be over at one of their houses (or better still, your mother in law's house) take the opportunity to re-fold all the towels you find folded the wrong way. Your friends and family are sure to thank you for the thoughtful gesture.


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    • Hope Alexander profile image

      Hope Alexander 8 years ago

      How dare you insinuate that the towel folding protocols set out above are less than perfect?!?!

    • 50 Caliber profile image

      50 Caliber 8 years ago from Arizona

      There is an infinite ways a Marine does anything. From, yes, folding our towels for inspection to how we walk, talk, who we show respect and who we actually respect. While none of the above towel folding techniques are correct, I sense there is more to this story.