- Home Improvement
Do-It-Yourself with the Mechanically Challenged
Some Men Should Just Sit on the Sidelines!
“I can fix that!” Famous last words! Some guys should never go near a tool box, let alone anything mechanical. They probably have boxes and boxes of tools, doo-jobies, and thing-a-mabobs, but rarely do they have a clue about what its for or how to use it. These are the mechanically challenged men in our lives.
These guys probably have a tool belt packed with the essentials, like a hammer, screwdriver, wire cutter, sockets, and duct tape. However, the tool belt remains brand spanking new as it hangs from a peg. The battery operated screwdrivers wait inside their cases, among table and handsaws, rivets, bolts and screws. Putty knives, box cutters, and balled up wire await for the day (one day) when they'll be needed.
There are soldering irons and stud finders among the cans of solvent, turpentine, motor oil, and other time-saving, wonderful had-to-have gadgets. Although most of the gadgets remain in their original packaging, but you never know, 'one day' they might be needed.
A vise is clamped to the side of the work table, ready and waiting. Ladders of various lengths stand by. Jumper cables, chisels, and sets of ratchets stacked here and there. Sanders, levels, funnels and car ramps each waiting for their 'one day' use.
The few opportunities these tools have had turned into disasters. These are bad tools! Once allowed out of their boxes, they lay the path to many broken, bent and ruined things. For instance, once a flashlight lighted a path and cracked the ceiling when the owner was trying to find the built-in home security wiring panel. Another time a wrench literally broke a water pipe in half in the bathroom. Another time a hammer broke a perfectly good window pane when pounding a nail into its framework.
And, the funnel, oh the funnel it is the worst! This small but evil device seated itself in the oil filling chamber of the wife's car. Not only did this funnel open wide and swallow several gallons of water, it deposited the water into the engine's oil. Then the mechanically challenged wonder-boy started the car! The car's eery screams of pain haunt my soul yet today. Think a car can't scream? Not so, the engine quivered, gave a high pitched scream of pain, shook and died. Deader than a door nail, I tell you. Cracked block, ruined Northstar engine, and all because a mechanically challenged know-it-all tool-collector used this defective funnel.
Another time, this do-it-yourself wiz decided there was no need to remove the outside hoses from the nozzel for the winter season. Seems perfectly reasonable that leaving the long plastic hose connected would actually protect the pipes from the freezing temperatures. Shoot, if you disconnected the hose the cold air could get inside easier. Letting the hose attached would make it harder for the freezing temperatures to get to the spiggot cause it would have to travel round and round before it ever got to the connection. Right? Wrong! The water pipe froze, and come springtime, when the mechanically challenged wiz turned on the water, it flooded the entire living room, foyer, and hallways.
So, now this dude had cause to collect more tools! Rug shampooer, carpet, and drywall cutters, something to cut (break) through the brick of the house wall, and a brand new shiny funnel when it comes time to change oil in an unsuspecting vehicle. Stupid tools, none of them work right!