Bad Cook Recipes: How To Make A Flying Spaghetti Monster Meal
More! Oh god I need more!
Pastafarians will be pleased to see that the message of the Flying Spaghetti Monster has come to this little nook of the webternets as well. The Flying Spaghetti Monster is an ultimate deity, a kind deity, the ultimate deity among ultimate deities. The word of the Flying Spaghetti Monster has spread across the globe at the speed of truth, enlightening citizens the world over. There is even a Sunni chapter of Pastafarians (the name given unto the the followers of the FSM.)
As further evidence that the FSM is the greatest deity of all time, not only can the FSM be worshiped, but eaten. Sure, Christians have the body and blood of Christ, but most of the time that adds up to a sip from a diseased chalice and a tasteless wafer. When you consume the body of the Flying Spaghetti monster, you will be totally nourished in both body and spirit.
Want to become one with the Flying Spaghetti Monster? Here's a recipe that will enable you to do just like that. It takes under an hour, and tastes way better than meditation.
- A pot
- A pan
- A can opener
- Canned Tomatoes
- Pasta Sauce
- Meatballs (Purchased from your local purveyor of fine meat products.)
Boil water in a pot until it reaches what people who know all about cooking call "a rolling boil", and what the rest of us call "really bubbly". How much water should you be boiling? Rather a lot, you want the spaghetti to be able to move around in there some, and not get all stuck together Adding salt to the water will lower the boiling point, and make the water salty, just the way pirates like it .
Add spaghetti to the boiling water, cover, and let it do its magical cooking juju thing
Take a pan, and heat it upon the stove.
Add canned tomatoes and pasta sauce. (This works best if you get one of those pasta sauces where they have other ingredients like vegetables and onions and garlic and whatnot in it already.)
Once that is nicely heated through, add your meatballs, and cook until they are no longer pink and disease ridden. This will probably take around half an hour on a medium low heat, but to be on the safe side, check a meatball or two before you turn off the heat.
Is the pasta done? If yes, take it off the heat and drain it. If you don't know whether it is done or not, you can take a strand and toss it against the wall. If it sticks, the pasta is done. Leave the strand stuck to the wall as a homage to the great FSM.
Place pasta on a plate, and spoon the meatballs and sauce over it.
Voila! Le Flying Spaghetti Monster has manifested itself in all its glory!
(It is recommended for the best taste, that one dresses as a pirate before consuming this meal. I know most of you would have done that anyway, but I point it out for the slower among you.)