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Why Nice Guys Finish Last

Updated on June 29, 2008

There's a lot been written in generally whiny tones by so called nice guys who believe that they always finish last. These guys are always respectful to women, lavishing them with attention, looking after their every need, being there for them when they are sad or upset, and then standing in the dust as she runs off after some jerk who doesn't deserve her. Ostensibly this behavior makes absolutely no sense whatsoever to the male mind. She said she wanted someone who listened to her, someone who cared for her, someone who would share her hopes, dreams, and aspirations, yet all she ever seems to do is cry over a guy who clearly doesn't want her or treats her badly. Is she mad? Yes and no.

In much the same way men find it hard to resist a well presented woman with a sparkling smile and a sweet laugh, women are pretty much always attracted to men who are 'sexy' (or at least well turned out, there's more to being 'sexy' than just pure physical appearance. If you feel inclined to doubt this, take a look at Vladimir Putin (Hub Here). The guy is incredibly short for a man, and has also been somewhat accurately compared in appearance to Dobby the House Elf from Harry Potter, but he is undeniably one of the most sexually magnetic men on the world stage at present time.)

So called 'nice' guys are more often passive aggressive, whiny, clingy, and often have no direction in life, but because they see women attracted to more dominant males who treat them badly, they assume that women are just inherently retarded and unable to see that they are with bad men. Unfortunately, this is simply not the case. For many women, especially younger ones, the positive traits that come with an 'assh*le' outweigh the negative ones. He might not be the most attentive or faithful boyfriend, but her is decisive, and charming. He knows what he wants and he isn't afraid to get it, he makes her feel safe, and she doesn't feel that he is needy or clingy, or that she will have to always mother him along.

Do not underestimate the power of hormones. The effect of the male testosterone hormone has been understood for years, and hardly an eyelid is batted when men behave in Neanderthal fashions at times, leering at large breasts and red lips. Women's hormones have been somewhat understood and are largely blamed for mood swings and uncontrollable fits of crying, but they have a much farther reaching effect than that. A woman's hormones can make a class A loser look like the world's hottest man, simply because he triggers primal cues within her, ones which tell her that he will produce strong children, which he will protect from predators and other men with ease Of course, at its worst, this can lead women into abusive relationships with overly controlling domineering men who treat their girlfriends or wives like nothing more than a piece of furniture.

Do you, as a 'nice' guy have to behave that way? No. But you should be aware that all women, even advanced, intelligent, highly educated and cultured women are looking, on a purely subconscious and primal level, for a strong provider and defender. Women may deny this until they are absolutely blue in the face, and I am sure there will be plenty who vociferously claim that this is wrong, but if you watch those women for a while, you will see them make the same mistakes as thousands of other women, putting 'nice' guys into the 'just friends' category, and running out and mating with more aggressive and potentially obnoxious or even nasty males.

Now of course, this article has been written describing the extremes of behavior. Not all women chase after wrestlers, football players, military men, policemen, politicians, CEO's, etc.. but a good portion of them do, and it goes without saying that men who achieve highly in the above fields are never going to have a problem finding female mates. Can 'ordinary' guys compete with these fellows? Of course, for one, there simply aren't enough presidents to go around, and for two, there are ways to make a woman feel that you are a strong partner without invading Poland.

More on that next time...


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    • Trent899 profile image


      9 years ago from Los Angeles

      I highly agree with this hub. I have experienced this first hand time and time again. Its true and frankly a little sad that this is what happens. Women will treat the nice guy as a friend while they will jump into a relationship with a jerk.

    • Inspirepub profile image


      10 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Onya, Hope!

      One of the biggest mistakes people make in life (men AND women) is trying to be "nice". The suppression of genuine feelings and the consequent passive-aggressive behaviour is hugely unattractive in either gender.

      Be compassionate, by all means. Be considerate. Be helpful. But be clear about your expectations. If you're keeping quiet for the sake of peace - give it up. Be honest instead. You can express how you feel without being aggressive or nasty.

      Men hate women who hide their feelings and manipulate others instead of being open, just as much as women avoid men who do it.

      And, of course, if you want a partner who is honest and open, strong and confident, you can't go throwing a tanty every time they say something you don't like to hear - emotional responsibility cuts both ways.



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